fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me
So, this guy goes online and signs-up/registers with a website that provides, basically, an online, x-rated version of the SIMS, where you have a virtual character designed off of the physical description that you provide, and you can interact with other actual people. The kicker to this is that while in this virtual world you have your typical dance clubs and bars, etc. Except that the main point of this virtual 'game' is to meet other people with similar sexual fantasies as yours and act them out in this virutal setting, essentially cybersex with awesome graphics. While you're not actually in the game you can still search through the different profiles of the other 'characters', email them, add them to your 'friends list', and even set up a blog. Also note that nowhere on this website is it advertised as a game, it is an online virtual world for a sexually-based subculture.
He sets up his profile to portray himself as a man who is not in a relationship and seeking a real-life relationship through this 'game'. The dilema is that he actually is in a relationship. So I pose this question . . . while he is in this game and his 'character' is interacting with other people online, if he is portraying himself as not being in a relationship, although he is, and, on every level except physical, having sex with other women is it:
A) Cheating?
B) Online socializing?
C) Just like any other video game and doesn't mean anything?
or
D) Not quite cheating, but still dishonest and definately a problem?
I was using Dave's (beerguy) computer this weekend to do some homework and this site came up. Turns out it's not just a website but something that's downloaded onto his desktop. He's taking the stance that it's just a video game and doesn't matter. I'm not sure how I feel about it. Because while it isn't physically real, he has a character who is an extension of himself and his character is interacting with the characters of other REAL people. it's not advertised as a game anywhere on the site, it's the equivalent of myspace only with an added setting for virtual role playing, with the specific intention of interacting in a sexual manner (psychologically and emotionally) with other people. Basically the only thing that isn't REAL is the place where they interact. Plus the fact that in his profile he has it set up to more or less advertise that he is single and looking. When I asked him about that specifically he said he didn't remember doing that (how convenient for him) but to my knowledge hasn't changed it.
This is after we've had a discussion about other sites that have come up on his computer that are for finding a local sex partner.
* He set up the account on this website the same weekend that he told me he was too sick to see me.
* He never hid any of it from me, the account and password information was written down on a piece of paper in front of the computer. But he never told me about any of it until I confronted him.
* I confronted him about it right after I found it. Especially how in his profile (that anybody online can read) he is portraying himself as a single man who is looking for a relationship.
* During this confrontation he invited me to check out this website, he was sure I could set up the virtual aspect on my computer.
* The next day we have a conversation concerning the fact that I am not sure how I feel about cybersex and whether or not it is considered cheating. He may not actually be putting his dick into some other woman, but on every other level, that is the interaction he has with these people. But I was definately not okay with the fact that his profile was advertising that he was available and looking.
*We had a conversation today about how schedules were going to work for the next week and when we might be able to see each other. I was basically told that he only had maybe an hour for me on Thursday night (after he would be exhausted from work, and ready the go to bed). When I asked why, he said he had things he needed to get done and that he needed 'alone time'. Keeping in mind that I've maybe had 7-8 hours of time with him, without the kids around, in the last month.
* I took him up on the invitation to check out the website, make sure that I'm not missing information, make sure I've got it all right. And I found:
-As far as the virtual world goes, they do not have a system that runs on Macs, therefore I cannot set it up.
-But I can go online and still set up an account and profile, etc. It's like an x-rated LJ/Myspace account where you have a friends list, blog, forums, you can send and receive messages to individuals through the website all of this. The virtual environment is like an added bonus. Except the whole thing is based around sex, having sex, talking about sex, looking for people to have sex with, etc.
-The only way that you can actually get a 'naked avatar' and make your character interact in a sexual manner with other characters is if you have a VIP account. Unless you're just doing the 'chat room' thing where you type everything and imagine anything else.
-The only way to set up a VIP account is if you pay $20/month.
-I set up a profile, found his profile and found that he was a VIP, and he had not changed his profile to say that he was in a relationship and not looking for another, and he had been online this afternoon (after we had had the discussion where I told him I was very much not okay with that).
We had a conversation over the phone in which he decided that $20/month to have fake sex with real people online was more important than our relationship which, I will remind you, HE ASKED TO HAVE BACK AFTER THE FIRST TIME WE BROKE UP!!!!!! It was also stated that I am psychotic because even after we've had conversations about how uncomfortable I am with this, and he has done nothing to make me feel less uncomfortable about it, I'm pissed off and acting like it (how dare I have emotions, my god). And even though I was taking his advice to check all of it out, I was stalking him on the internet. He couldn't believe that I was so upset over a video game. I asked him if a video game (if he really thinks of it as nothing more than a video game) was worth risking our entire relationship.
I will be going over to his place after class tomorrow and returning all of his belongings to him, after which I am going to delete his contact information from my phone. He will never have to see or hear from me again and he can have all of the 'alone time' that he wants, because obviously he is more interested in meeting strangers online and having virtual sex with them, than developing the trust and love of a real relationship. I am so exhausted (phsycally, mentally, emotionally) and yet still so pissed off that I cannot find the appropriate words to describe what I think of him at this moment.
* Then again, maybe this is all just part of my psychosis*
He sets up his profile to portray himself as a man who is not in a relationship and seeking a real-life relationship through this 'game'. The dilema is that he actually is in a relationship. So I pose this question . . . while he is in this game and his 'character' is interacting with other people online, if he is portraying himself as not being in a relationship, although he is, and, on every level except physical, having sex with other women is it:
A) Cheating?
B) Online socializing?
C) Just like any other video game and doesn't mean anything?
or
D) Not quite cheating, but still dishonest and definately a problem?
I was using Dave's (beerguy) computer this weekend to do some homework and this site came up. Turns out it's not just a website but something that's downloaded onto his desktop. He's taking the stance that it's just a video game and doesn't matter. I'm not sure how I feel about it. Because while it isn't physically real, he has a character who is an extension of himself and his character is interacting with the characters of other REAL people. it's not advertised as a game anywhere on the site, it's the equivalent of myspace only with an added setting for virtual role playing, with the specific intention of interacting in a sexual manner (psychologically and emotionally) with other people. Basically the only thing that isn't REAL is the place where they interact. Plus the fact that in his profile he has it set up to more or less advertise that he is single and looking. When I asked him about that specifically he said he didn't remember doing that (how convenient for him) but to my knowledge hasn't changed it.
This is after we've had a discussion about other sites that have come up on his computer that are for finding a local sex partner.
* He set up the account on this website the same weekend that he told me he was too sick to see me.
* He never hid any of it from me, the account and password information was written down on a piece of paper in front of the computer. But he never told me about any of it until I confronted him.
* I confronted him about it right after I found it. Especially how in his profile (that anybody online can read) he is portraying himself as a single man who is looking for a relationship.
* During this confrontation he invited me to check out this website, he was sure I could set up the virtual aspect on my computer.
* The next day we have a conversation concerning the fact that I am not sure how I feel about cybersex and whether or not it is considered cheating. He may not actually be putting his dick into some other woman, but on every other level, that is the interaction he has with these people. But I was definately not okay with the fact that his profile was advertising that he was available and looking.
*We had a conversation today about how schedules were going to work for the next week and when we might be able to see each other. I was basically told that he only had maybe an hour for me on Thursday night (after he would be exhausted from work, and ready the go to bed). When I asked why, he said he had things he needed to get done and that he needed 'alone time'. Keeping in mind that I've maybe had 7-8 hours of time with him, without the kids around, in the last month.
* I took him up on the invitation to check out the website, make sure that I'm not missing information, make sure I've got it all right. And I found:
-As far as the virtual world goes, they do not have a system that runs on Macs, therefore I cannot set it up.
-But I can go online and still set up an account and profile, etc. It's like an x-rated LJ/Myspace account where you have a friends list, blog, forums, you can send and receive messages to individuals through the website all of this. The virtual environment is like an added bonus. Except the whole thing is based around sex, having sex, talking about sex, looking for people to have sex with, etc.
-The only way that you can actually get a 'naked avatar' and make your character interact in a sexual manner with other characters is if you have a VIP account. Unless you're just doing the 'chat room' thing where you type everything and imagine anything else.
-The only way to set up a VIP account is if you pay $20/month.
-I set up a profile, found his profile and found that he was a VIP, and he had not changed his profile to say that he was in a relationship and not looking for another, and he had been online this afternoon (after we had had the discussion where I told him I was very much not okay with that).
We had a conversation over the phone in which he decided that $20/month to have fake sex with real people online was more important than our relationship which, I will remind you, HE ASKED TO HAVE BACK AFTER THE FIRST TIME WE BROKE UP!!!!!! It was also stated that I am psychotic because even after we've had conversations about how uncomfortable I am with this, and he has done nothing to make me feel less uncomfortable about it, I'm pissed off and acting like it (how dare I have emotions, my god). And even though I was taking his advice to check all of it out, I was stalking him on the internet. He couldn't believe that I was so upset over a video game. I asked him if a video game (if he really thinks of it as nothing more than a video game) was worth risking our entire relationship.
I will be going over to his place after class tomorrow and returning all of his belongings to him, after which I am going to delete his contact information from my phone. He will never have to see or hear from me again and he can have all of the 'alone time' that he wants, because obviously he is more interested in meeting strangers online and having virtual sex with them, than developing the trust and love of a real relationship. I am so exhausted (phsycally, mentally, emotionally) and yet still so pissed off that I cannot find the appropriate words to describe what I think of him at this moment.
* Then again, maybe this is all just part of my psychosis*