Laughter
Title: Laughter
Author: salmiaggi
Rating: PG
Paring: Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Genre: Angst, angst, angst and romance
Summary: “Xabi’s so strong, he always has been. But he’s bound to have his moments of weakness over something like this. And it’s our job to make sure that he gets through all of this. It’s our turn to show him how strong we are.”
Wordcount: 1134
Warnings: Cancer and my lack of knowledge of it (I only know what happened to my dad's mother and what I’ve learned from Grey’s Anatomy and ER, which is not much.)
Disclaimer: If this is true, then I’m the mother of Sami’s babies.
Author’s Notes: I just got this conversation in my head and had to write it down. Note that I would never want Xabi or Steven or anyone else to have to get through something like this.
Just as I finished the fic, I heard that my mum's mum is in hospital. Posting this just got ten times harder.
Feedback: keeps me alive.
”No, no, Stevie, help me. Make it stop, please, make it stop. Por favor.” Xabi’s usually so bright brown eyes were clouded with pain and hurt and it killed Steven to see his lover like this. Finding time to travel to Spain hadn’t been easy, and now he couldn’t help but wonder if it was worth it. He was ashamed of his thoughts, how could something like that even cross his mind? Of course it was worth it, it was Xabi for God’s sake, of course he had to be there, of course he wanted to be there to support the Basque all he could. But it ached. It ached so much, seeing his tough, beautiful Xabi this fragile, this vulnerable.
The moment they had found out about Xabi’s cancer had been one of the hardest he had ever experienced, but hearing his lover announce that he would rather be treated in Spain than in England had been almost as hard. He hadn’t wanted to let go of Xabi, he hadn’t been ready to let the Basque leave him. Because no matter how scared he had been (and still was) about losing Xabi, really losing him, the thought of the Spaniard so far away from him, unreachable and alone, the thought of spending the nights on his own in an empty bed, it had been… It had been heartbreaking. And so damn scary he had been sure his heart would stop any minute then.
But he hadn’t considered one thing. One unexpected, but much appreciated thing. And that was Mikel’s presence. The help and support Xabi’s brother offered them both was something neither one of them would never forget. Whereas Steven was incapable of being by Xabi’s side day in and day out, due to his responsibilities towards his club and his country, Mikel did everything in his power to be with his brother as much as he possibly could. And they were both more than grateful to him for that.
“Make it stop.” Xabi’s silent and weak plead made Steven’s eyes water as he watched the two nurses taking away his man.
“Your tea is absolute shite,” Stevie announced as he sat next to Mikel in the hospital cafeteria.
“We don’t drink tea.” Mikel merely remarked and gave the Scouser a small smile. As he saw the sorrow on the other man’s face, he put away the fresh, Spanish newspaper he had been reading and sighed as he leaned closer.
“I tried to warn you about this. It’s not easy, believe me. Most of the time Xabi’s tired, he can be unconscious for what seems like days, and when he is awake he’s… just not himself. It’s hard and it’s not going to get any better, not in a while, anyway. But eventually he is going to be his own happy and amazing self again.”
“How can you know that? What if the chemo is just too much for him?”
“I don’t actually know, but I have to believe this to be true. It’s the only way I can deal with all of this. And that attitude of yours isn’t helping Xabi one bit. So drop it.” Mikel’s voice was stern in the gentlest possible way. They sat in a comfortable silence for a while before Mikel started talking again.
“It’s not this bad all the time. You know, some days he cracks a smile, it just comes out of nowhere, and if you’re lucky, you can hear him laugh like he used to and it really makes you realise how strong he is.” The Basque paused for a bit to sip his coffee.
“Xabi’s so strong, he always has been. But he’s bound to have his moments of weakness over something like this. And it’s our job to make sure that he gets through the hard times. It’s our turn to show him how strong we are.” Mikel smiled again and Steven couldn’t help but feel stupid. He knew all of this, of course he did, but somehow he needed someone else to voice it out to him in order to really get it sink in.
“Hey, you,” Steven greeted his lover with a smile as he noticed the Spaniard opening his eyes again, after hours and hours of impatient waiting.
“Hola,” Xabi merely answered and closed his eyes, only to open them again after a moment. “Thank you for coming here, amor.”
“But of course I came. You know I would be here all the time if I could. But you know how it is with the team, they can’t function without me.” The Scouser replied and flashed his lover a brief grin before continuing fidgeting his hands anxiously. “I miss you, Xabi.”
The Spaniard merely smiled (but what a smile it was, Steven thought) and carefully made room for his lover on the narrow bed. Steven settled down next to the younger man after placing a quick peck on the smooth skin on the top of Xabi’s head. Cautiously he wrapped his hands around the skinny Spaniard, making sure he didn’t do any damage to the tubes and IV’s that seemed to be on his way everywhere.
“I miss you too, so much. And I miss the lads, too.” Xabi confessed, his eyes closed now and nose nuzzling up Steven’s neck.
“They miss you too, you know. They keep asking me about you every day.” He smiled a little then as he felt one of Xabi’s hands stroking his hip gently. Never mind what Mikel said, this sure as hell seemed like the Xabi he knew so well.
“And what have you been telling them?” Xabi asked quietly.
“That you’re gorgeous and strong and that I’m getting you home the first chance I get.”
“That sounds just about right,” the younger midfielder stated before closing his eyes again.
“Do you still fancy me?”
They had been silent for a long while, just content to be holding each other in their arms again, happy for being able to feel each other’s warmth on their bodies and smell each other’s scents in their nostrils. But now, hearing this question coming from Xabi, Steven lifted his head to take look at his lover’s pale face.
“What?”
“Do you still fancy me? I mean, without the hair and all…” Xabi asked again with a distressed look on his face.
“Are you kidding me? You look hotter than ever. And just think what you will look like with the curls you will grow after this! Sexy…” Stevie grinned and gave Xabi a very suggestive wink and then there it was. The laugh. And Mikel was right, it sounded like it used to… It sounded like one of those Phil Collins songs, whole-hearted and robust, and it made him shiver in delight. His Xabi was back.
Author: salmiaggi
Rating: PG
Paring: Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Genre: Angst, angst, angst and romance
Summary: “Xabi’s so strong, he always has been. But he’s bound to have his moments of weakness over something like this. And it’s our job to make sure that he gets through all of this. It’s our turn to show him how strong we are.”
Wordcount: 1134
Warnings: Cancer and my lack of knowledge of it (I only know what happened to my dad's mother and what I’ve learned from Grey’s Anatomy and ER, which is not much.)
Disclaimer: If this is true, then I’m the mother of Sami’s babies.
Author’s Notes: I just got this conversation in my head and had to write it down. Note that I would never want Xabi or Steven or anyone else to have to get through something like this.
Just as I finished the fic, I heard that my mum's mum is in hospital. Posting this just got ten times harder.
Feedback: keeps me alive.
”No, no, Stevie, help me. Make it stop, please, make it stop. Por favor.” Xabi’s usually so bright brown eyes were clouded with pain and hurt and it killed Steven to see his lover like this. Finding time to travel to Spain hadn’t been easy, and now he couldn’t help but wonder if it was worth it. He was ashamed of his thoughts, how could something like that even cross his mind? Of course it was worth it, it was Xabi for God’s sake, of course he had to be there, of course he wanted to be there to support the Basque all he could. But it ached. It ached so much, seeing his tough, beautiful Xabi this fragile, this vulnerable.
The moment they had found out about Xabi’s cancer had been one of the hardest he had ever experienced, but hearing his lover announce that he would rather be treated in Spain than in England had been almost as hard. He hadn’t wanted to let go of Xabi, he hadn’t been ready to let the Basque leave him. Because no matter how scared he had been (and still was) about losing Xabi, really losing him, the thought of the Spaniard so far away from him, unreachable and alone, the thought of spending the nights on his own in an empty bed, it had been… It had been heartbreaking. And so damn scary he had been sure his heart would stop any minute then.
But he hadn’t considered one thing. One unexpected, but much appreciated thing. And that was Mikel’s presence. The help and support Xabi’s brother offered them both was something neither one of them would never forget. Whereas Steven was incapable of being by Xabi’s side day in and day out, due to his responsibilities towards his club and his country, Mikel did everything in his power to be with his brother as much as he possibly could. And they were both more than grateful to him for that.
“Make it stop.” Xabi’s silent and weak plead made Steven’s eyes water as he watched the two nurses taking away his man.
“Your tea is absolute shite,” Stevie announced as he sat next to Mikel in the hospital cafeteria.
“We don’t drink tea.” Mikel merely remarked and gave the Scouser a small smile. As he saw the sorrow on the other man’s face, he put away the fresh, Spanish newspaper he had been reading and sighed as he leaned closer.
“I tried to warn you about this. It’s not easy, believe me. Most of the time Xabi’s tired, he can be unconscious for what seems like days, and when he is awake he’s… just not himself. It’s hard and it’s not going to get any better, not in a while, anyway. But eventually he is going to be his own happy and amazing self again.”
“How can you know that? What if the chemo is just too much for him?”
“I don’t actually know, but I have to believe this to be true. It’s the only way I can deal with all of this. And that attitude of yours isn’t helping Xabi one bit. So drop it.” Mikel’s voice was stern in the gentlest possible way. They sat in a comfortable silence for a while before Mikel started talking again.
“It’s not this bad all the time. You know, some days he cracks a smile, it just comes out of nowhere, and if you’re lucky, you can hear him laugh like he used to and it really makes you realise how strong he is.” The Basque paused for a bit to sip his coffee.
“Xabi’s so strong, he always has been. But he’s bound to have his moments of weakness over something like this. And it’s our job to make sure that he gets through the hard times. It’s our turn to show him how strong we are.” Mikel smiled again and Steven couldn’t help but feel stupid. He knew all of this, of course he did, but somehow he needed someone else to voice it out to him in order to really get it sink in.
“Hey, you,” Steven greeted his lover with a smile as he noticed the Spaniard opening his eyes again, after hours and hours of impatient waiting.
“Hola,” Xabi merely answered and closed his eyes, only to open them again after a moment. “Thank you for coming here, amor.”
“But of course I came. You know I would be here all the time if I could. But you know how it is with the team, they can’t function without me.” The Scouser replied and flashed his lover a brief grin before continuing fidgeting his hands anxiously. “I miss you, Xabi.”
The Spaniard merely smiled (but what a smile it was, Steven thought) and carefully made room for his lover on the narrow bed. Steven settled down next to the younger man after placing a quick peck on the smooth skin on the top of Xabi’s head. Cautiously he wrapped his hands around the skinny Spaniard, making sure he didn’t do any damage to the tubes and IV’s that seemed to be on his way everywhere.
“I miss you too, so much. And I miss the lads, too.” Xabi confessed, his eyes closed now and nose nuzzling up Steven’s neck.
“They miss you too, you know. They keep asking me about you every day.” He smiled a little then as he felt one of Xabi’s hands stroking his hip gently. Never mind what Mikel said, this sure as hell seemed like the Xabi he knew so well.
“And what have you been telling them?” Xabi asked quietly.
“That you’re gorgeous and strong and that I’m getting you home the first chance I get.”
“That sounds just about right,” the younger midfielder stated before closing his eyes again.
“Do you still fancy me?”
They had been silent for a long while, just content to be holding each other in their arms again, happy for being able to feel each other’s warmth on their bodies and smell each other’s scents in their nostrils. But now, hearing this question coming from Xabi, Steven lifted his head to take look at his lover’s pale face.
“What?”
“Do you still fancy me? I mean, without the hair and all…” Xabi asked again with a distressed look on his face.
“Are you kidding me? You look hotter than ever. And just think what you will look like with the curls you will grow after this! Sexy…” Stevie grinned and gave Xabi a very suggestive wink and then there it was. The laugh. And Mikel was right, it sounded like it used to… It sounded like one of those Phil Collins songs, whole-hearted and robust, and it made him shiver in delight. His Xabi was back.