Raining Cats and Gods (J2, AU) 2/2
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Title: Raining Cats and Gods
Rating: NC-17
Pairing/Characters: Jared/Jensen, Danneel Harris, Chad Michael Murray
Description: J2 AU. Crack. The one where Jared is a Rain God, Jensen is a virgin, and everything is Chad's fault.
Wordcount: ~10,800 words over two chapters
Warnings: explicit sexual content, inter-species sex, flawed mythology and biology, Chad
Betas: Thanks to
sylsdarkplace and
meus_venator for making this better. Any mistakes belong to me. I do meddle with my text when I post.
Disclaimer: This is fiction, pure fantasy folks. Nobody here belongs to me and they’re not likely to get in my van for candy any time soon. Written for the ianaugural week of j2_crack
***
Raining Cats and Gods, Part 2
The first thing Jensen noticed when he awoke, was how comfortable he was. He felt safe and cozy, wrapped into the side of the softest, furry cushion. The second thing, was the sound of somebody hyperventilating. He wasn't sure what order everything else followed in, because waking up, with a black cat's whiskers tickling your face, is disconcerting when you don't own a cat. Especially, when said cat is, in fact, a full size black panther, which undoubtedly has claws like Freddie Krueger, and teeth to match.
It was Danni who couldn't catch her breath. She shook as she stared at the giant cat. Chad stood a little behind her, gaping like a fish, and muttering words like animal control. Jensen was aware that he should be freaked out, but somehow, he didn't feel any threat from the predator at his side.
A long black tail thumped rhythmically on the arm of the sofa, and the cat opened exotic multi-hued eyes. It rubbed a giant paw over its nose and licked it clean, and then, just like that, it disappeared, and a very naked Jared appeared next to Jensen. Jared yawned and scratched the back of his neck. Chad caught Danni as she fainted.
"What?" Jared asked. He sounded grouchy.
"Um," said Jensen, hastily averting his eyes as he tucked a woolen throw over Jared.
"Err, ugh, ah," said Chad.
Danni moaned and Chad fanned her.
"Were you just a cat?" asked Jensen, like that was the sort of question he asked every day.
"A cat?"
A gust of wind blew rain noisily at the window, and there was an ominous crack of lightning.
Jensen mimed shape, size and pointy ears. "A very, very big cat."
Jared squinted at him. It was kind of judgmental, as if he wasn't a part time panther, and Danni wasn't recovering from a faint on the floor. "Your friends asked me to keep you safe," he said simply. He grinned and looked at Jensen like he was the only one that mattered in the room. "Good morning, my beautiful virgin. Rain is falling, skies are gray. It's a wonderful day for your sacrifice."
Jensen pinched himself. It hurt. He pinched himself again; he didn't wake up. He stretched and yawned. "I'll find you some clothes." He padded into his bedroom to put his own clothes on, and to find something for Jared. He rooted at the back of his closet for an old sports bag. Sure enough, being a sentimental, and bitter ex-boyfriend, there were Tom Welling's jean's, tee-shirt, socks and hoodie, which had mysteriously gone missing from the college swimming lockers, the day he broke up with Jensen,citing irreconcilable differences, and a pouty glamor-model love-interest.
Chad followed him into his room, and waited for Jensen to stop mumbling and throwing items out of his closet. "Dude, are we going to talk about your Neanderthal kitty?"
Jensen rushed past him with his bundle. "I'll cook breakfast. Do we have eggs? I remember Jared saying he likes eggs and bacon."
"Jensen ...,"
"No. Not listening. Never happened. Don't want to be late for work."
When they emerged, Danni was perched on the arm of the sofa, by Jared, looking hazily serene. "Jared is a Jaguar rain god," she mentioned casually, " ...and it's not going to stop raining until Jensen has sex with him. Oh, and he likes coffee." The speed and tone of her voice increased until she was practically squeaking. "I am going to make coffee, and then I am going to work, and when I come home, it won't be raining, and there won't be were-jaguar in the house." She grinned manically at Jensen.
Okay, hysterical, not calm.
Jared looked glum.
"Hey. I got you some clothes. I'll make breakfast while you get dressed."
Jared looked down at his feet. "You're running away because you don't want to be my sacrifice," he sniffed.
"I never said that!" denied Jensen, "I don't want to lose my job, and my boss really hates me, and if I'm late again today, he is going to yell."
"It's true," Danni backed him up. "His boss really hates him, which is all kinds of unfair because he did nothing to him, except being better than him at the job."
"That's not fair," agreed Jared. "But, the thing is, if we complete the ceremony, you won't need a job."
"Don't get me wrong. You seem like a very nice, er, god. It's just, I may be nervous about being a human sacrifice, to a rain god, who is sometimes a cat. Everyone should have a job to fall back on if things don't work out. I need to go to work, and when I get back, you can explain exactly what is involved in your offer."
"It's not an offer!" Jared stamped his foot. Lightning flashed. "You summoned me." He looked positively tearful. "I thought you meant it. You looked lonely, and the drums were so loud. When you reached through the portal, it felt right. It touched me here," Jared put a hand over his heart, “I thought you could be my one true mate.”
"I never reached through any portals, or summoned you!"
"Yes, you did!"
"No, I didn't."
"Yes, you did!"
"No, I...,"
In the distance, a power station flooded. In evidence of it, lights went out all over the city, and the coffee-maker stopped bubbling.
"Er, guys. I think you should stop arguing," suggested Chad.
"Great! Danni looked daggers at them. "Did you do something, Jared? Because that's kind of petty, and now Jensen and I have to take the bus, because the subway will be out, and that means we have to leave now, and nobody gets any breakfast."
Jared bit his lip, and looked suitably chastened. "I didn't know that would happen. The last time I was here, there wasn't electricity, and it only took father a few minutes to sacrifice the virgin." He shuffled his feet. "Sorry," he added.
Danni put on her coat, and grabbed an umbrella. "I don't suppose you can ease up on the rain until we're at the office, can you?"
"I'm stressed," boomed Jared. Thunder rolled.
Jensen put his coat on. He touched Jared's arm lightly. "I promise I'm coming back. Look, I've left all my posters up, and my action figures are on the shelf. I'm not going to leave them behind, am I?"
Jared touched a finger to the Firefly poster on the wall nearest to him. "I like them. It's a pity somebody put their mark on this one.” He ran his finger over Nathan Fillion's signature.
Jensen laughed, “It's supposed to be like that. I'm going to get another one soon. The comic shop has one for Farscape, and that's signed too, but if I don't work, I won't get paid, and I won't be able to buy it. Nobody leaves me presents at an altar.”
“Oh.” Jared looked sad, “Then you should go.”
Chad has a day's leave, so you can keep him company." Jensen stood on tiptoes, and kissed the upturn of Jared's nose. "By the way, when were you here last?"
Jared closed one eye in concentration, and his fingers moved as he counted, "I lost track after two thousand years," he answered.
They all turned to stare at him simultaneously, "Huh!" they expressed, as one.
***Jensen turned his iPOD on and his music up, to drown out the sound of the rain, while he did his filing. Mid-morning, the electricity returned, and he mindlessly replied to e-mails. He bit his fingernails to the quick, wondering what he was going to do.
Danni dragged him to a quiet internet cafe for lunch. She pulled up some websites and turned the screen for him to see. "I've been doing research," she announced.
"The boss is going to kill you."
If you don't do something, we are all going to drown," she groused.
She pushed coffee at him, and sipped her own. "The Olmec were-jaguars," she started, "They weren't as big as the Mayan or Aztec gods, but they had some worshipers. The god could be human-like, or take the shape of a jaguar or black panther. They were supposed to be powerful and generous. According to this, they demanded regular sacrifice in return for rain in the first days after crops were planted. Of course, that was in Mexico, where water was actually needed."
"Does it say what the sacrifice was?"
"There are lots of different suggestions but none of them are confirmed by archaeologists. Blood of a lamb. Blood of a newborn baby. Blood of a virgin. Virgin."
Jensen paled, and gulped his coffee. "I need to get away. What do I do? He's in my house!"
"You summoned him. Why did you have to do that?"
"I already said ...,"
Danni tapped a picture, "Recognize this, genius?"
He peered close. "It's Steve's fountain."
Danni scowled at him. "According to this, it's the Jaguar Shrine of T'lolo, which was stolen during the excavation of an Olmec settlement."
"Oh. Shit!" Jensen put his coffee down. He peered even closer. "The inscription is said to be a summoning spell. There is evidence that the sacrifice would be taken to the stone, and their hand held in the water, while the incantation was read out. The god would appear, bringing the rain with him, and take the sacrifice, while the village celebrated his bounty." Jensen put his head in his hands, "Oh crappy, shit, fuck! I summoned an ancient god, and he needs my blood. He's going to kill me Danni." His voice rose to a shrill squeak. He was panicking. He was absolutely entitled to panic. "It's all Chad's fault. I never wanted to do karaoke. He suggested we go to Comic Con."
Danni put her hand over his. "Calm down, and think. Jared doesn't seem like he wants to kill you. Last night, in the cab, he was adamant he didn't want anybody to die, and then he told you he wanted to take you home. He did seem set on popping your cherry though."
"Oh god! He probably has to kill me while we're having sex."
"Seriously? He could have done that any time last night. He's more of a gentleman than ninety percent of my exes. You know, we could tell him we don't need his rain. I mean, we don't. In fact, we need the rain to stop."
Jensen looked hopeful. He breathed out and took another sip of his coffee. "That might work."
Danneel tapped her fingernails on the table, "Except, he must already have guessed we don't need the rain. He seems intelligent, and he has eyes."
Jensen slumped in despair. "He said he can't go home until he's had sex with me. What am I going to do?" he whined.
"You have to talk to him, Jensen. If necessary, you have to take a hit for the rest of mankind, and take it like a man, or like the desperate, horny virgin you are. He's totally hot, and hung like a horse. You were all over him last night. How difficult can it be?"
Jensen narrowed his eyes at her and shifted nervously on his chair.
"Oh, c'mon! You think I haven't seen your super secret sex toys? You told Chad about them, Jensen."
Jensen groaned, and buried his head on the table, under his arms. "I'll think about it," he promised.
***So, that was the story so far. Jensen left work early, headed past the comic shop, picking up Jared's impromptu present on the way, (he was sure that the poster floating to his feet couldn't be a coincidence). He caught the bus back to his modest home, which he shared with Danneel and Chad, and hoped that the end of his tale was going to be more Hans Christian Anderson, than Grimm. He was shaking with fear when he walked through the door of his house.
The front door was barely shut behind Jensen, when a four thousand year old, shaggy-haired god, bowled into him and clung on, like a frightened kitten. "I missed you," he whimpered, "It's all so confusing, and nothing Chad says makes sense."
Of course, the only sensible thing for Jensen to do, in the circumstances, was to hug him close, slip a hand under his shirt, to caress his smooth, firm skin, and attack his mouth with a greedy, passionate kiss.
Outside, clouds parted to show a thin sliver of blue sky.
"Oh, hmm." Jared kissed back with enthusiasm. "Hello Jensen," he panted when they finally pulled apart.
"Jared. Chad never makes sense. Please don't panic."
"But I don't know what to do," Jared's hands flailed through air, then he took Jensen's arm and tugged him into the house. "Here." He helped Jensen with his coat. "Did you get my gift? Chad told me that if I wanted to take your most precious gift, then I should give you something first. I managed to invoke the lightning. It was cool."
Jensen held the poster tube in his hand. He didn't have the heart to yell at Jared for the damage his storm had caused, in the name of one large poster. He didn't know how to describe it. Vandalism? Breaking and not entering? Cat burglary?
Chad lounged on the sofa. He scratched his belly, and burped his greeting.
Jared scowled at Chad, but he didn't dwell on the bad behavior. He pressed a bottle of Mountain Dew into Jensen's hand, closely followed by a plate of Skittles, arranged in the bend and order of a rainbow.
"Taste the rainbow!" Jared encouraged. "They're brilliant. They taste exactly right. The green one is perfect. Chad says he will get me a box of them to take home. The sun nymphs are going to go nuts over them." He crinkled his nose as he considered the bottle of Mountain Dew, "The drink doesn't taste like dew at all. It's more like honey fizz, but I like honey fizz. Do you like honey fizz?"
Jensen couldn't help smiling at Jared's enthusiasm. He couldn't stay frightened of the tall god, with his dimples and childish bounce. "If it tastes like this, then yes I do."
"Oh, good. I can make that."
"He takes adverts far too seriously, and don't even get me started on Oprah," Chad cut in as his hand snaked to steal a sweet. "I thought he was going to cry during MTV's Cribs."
Jared's mouth turned down. He looked crushed. Jensen wondered what was so upsetting about MTV, aside from the music.
"I learned much today," Jared started, "But it made no sense. I have to give presents to you, not your parents. I must look after you, but then you should be independent too. I should wait to make love to you, but if I wait it means I don't have passion. We should make love not war, but sometimes war is the right thing. Money isn't important, but then how does a human provide an adequate shelter for their mate?" Jared slumped into the sofa, and it shook. "I don't have money, and my home doesn't have a big kitchen, or gold faucets, or even closets. I don't have anything but a silly picture to exchange for your sacrifice, and yet, if we don't complete the ceremony, I can't go home, and your climate will be screwed up, and basically, I suck. I should have listened to father. We don't belong in your realm."
"You brought rain," stated Jensen. He tried to sound upbeat.
"Yeah, sorry. According to the news show, that sucks too."
"You could turn the rain off." Jensen bit back the suggestion that Jared go home. He realized that he really, really didn't want him to leave. After all, the dude had made him a Skittles rainbow. It was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for him.
Jared looked at his fingers. He didn't speak.
"Jared?"
Jared blushed.
"Chad, can you leave us for a few minutes?"
Chad made no move.
"Chad. Get out!" Jensen pointed to the door.
"I don't want to miss anything."
"Now!" Jensen pushed his friend off the sofa.
"S'unfair." Chad shuffled to his room. As he closed the door, he yelled, "Call me when you get to the sex part of the deal."
Jensen threw a sock after him. Jared aimed a skittle at his head with unerring precision, and it bounced off his gelled blond hair. "Ow."
"You're learning," Jensen remarked with approval.
Jared smiled, and his dimples showed.
Sun broke through a tiny gap in the clouds, and a rainbow formed.
"We need to talk." Jensen said.
Clouds covered the sun.
"I know."
"So. I did some research, well Danni did, and it turns out you were right. I summoned you. I thought the inscription was Klingon." He shrugged. "I have to know what happens next. I'm assuming that whatever you decide, I won't to be able to fight you, what with the god thing n'all. You look kind of strong."
"I can pull up a mature redwood with my hand," boasted Jared, "but that gets me into trouble with the tree gods, and their nymphs. "Do you have any idea how difficult it is to wash maple syrup from hair?"
Jensen nodded his understanding. "I had a similar experience with molasses. Chad was involved."
Genevieve is normally the one who gets me into trouble. She's a sun nymph. And she cheats at Monopoly."
"You have Monopoly?”
Jared shrugged, “We have lots of things. Many of your new places were built on our shrines and altars. Objects come through. Arnold, who is a god of luck, gets the best things. There's a cub-scout hall on his shrine. He gets camping books, and games, and cookies. Genevieve bartered some sunshine seeds for Monopoly, but by then Arnold had Twister anyhow.”
Jensen sympathized, "Chad cheats at Monopoly, and he thinks I don't notice if he moves my wizard in Dungeons and Dragons."
"The dragons won't play with Gen any more. She once replaced their fire berries with sneezing nuts. There was ash everywhere, for days."
Jensen laughed, "Oh, I would have loved to have seen that."
"Really?" Jared's face lit up with joy, "I thought my realm would scare you. People don't generally trust dragons, but they're useful at a barbecue, and they know the dirtiest jokes."
"It sounds amazing. Like Harry Potter, or an episode of Doctor Who."
"I like it here, with you," Jared spoke quietly. "There is a machine that makes better coffee than the stuck-up Mayan gods ever did, and there's TV, posters, closets... and doors... and you."
"And doors?"
"We see reflections in the Emerald Lake, but it has been thousands of years since we visited your world. We don't keep up. We don't have IKEA, or electricity, or pizza."
Jared spoke sadly, "My home is not suitable for a mate."
"Jared, is that why Cribs upset you? Oh my god. That isn't normal! What sort of house you have isn't important. What is your home like? I'm sure it's comfortable."
Jared mumbled under his breath.
"Pardon."
"I have a cave. Okay?"
"Oh, Right." Jensen didn't know what to say about that. He decided to get back on track. Getting lost in conversation was easy with Jared, which was peculiar, because normally, talking was hard for him - especially talking to tall, hot strangers. "Jared, go back to where we started. You were going to say something about the weather."
Jared stared at Jensen's lips. "Can I kiss you?"
To hell with it. What would be the harm?
Jared's lips were soft and welcoming. His mouth was as fresh as rain. His arms encompassed him in safety, and they tumbled onto the sofa together. Jensen found himself crawling into Jared's lap to get as much of him as he could. He tangled his fingers into the wild, forest-fragrant hair, while his tongue pushed and tasted, sucked and licked. Fuck. He just couldn't get enough. He needed Jared like air, and Jared wanted him. He reached under Jared's tee-shirt, to run his fingers over the strong chest and pert nipples.
They kissed until Jensen's lips were tender, and somewhere along the way, they lost their clothes, and Jensen thought it was a neat trick. "Bedroom," he managed to pant, before the last of his control was lost, with skin on skin, and holy shit, I want your cock in me, right the fuck now. He saw his virginity setting sail, and waved it goodbye, without any shame.
Jared rummaged under the sofa and magically produced an economy-size bottle of Astroglide. He gave a lopsided grin at Jensen. "Chad gave it to me. He showed me a documentary on how to use it. Busty Asian Beauties ... he said the principle is the same."
Jensen felt his arousal fade, just a fraction, "Did that 'documentary' tell you to never, ever mention Chad during intimate moments?" He pulled Jared into his bedroom, and kicked the door shut. He scrambled onto the bed and grabbed Jared to bring him tumbling on top of him. "Will this do for an altar?" he asked. "Because, I swear, if you don't sacrifice me soon, my balls will explode."
"Don't explode!" Jared sounded concerned.
"It's an expression, Jared."
"Oh, good." Jared dived on Jensen with power and weight, eager hot lips, and searching hands. The hard erection and soft skin of his cock ground against Jensen's ready dick, and they both moaned. Jared braced himself over Jensen and rolled his hips, repeating the action, slowly and sensually. Jensen threw his head back with pleasure.
Jared's mouth found the exposed skin under his ear, to lave and suck at it. Slick digits found his puckered muscle. Jared prepped him with care, and Jensen squirmed and begged under him, insisting that he had toys, and nobody needed to be so thorough.
"It's my first time," Jared reminded him. "I'm a little different, and I want to get it right. I don't want to hurt you."
"I have a ten inch super-dong, in my nightstand." Jensen boasted, before Jared's words caught up with him. Holy Hell - first time. "You're thousands of years old! I thought gods got it on with worshipers, and other gods, all the time?"
"Other gods aren't interesting." Jared breathed heavily, and continued stretching Jensen's hole with his long, supple, fingers, "I was too young when we were all the rage, and then there was the whole business of worshipers murdering babies, so father decided we wouldn't attend the summonings. Then it went quiet, and for the last two thousand years there's only been one or two virgin summons, and they weren't attractive or interesting, or even any good at the summoning, so I couldn't be bothered. Then BOOM, there you were, and you are more beautiful than I could have imagined, in body and in mind."
Jensen stilled and peered up at Jared. "But I'm nerdy and plain."
Thunder rolled in the distance. Jared's muscles tensed, like a cat about to pounce, then relaxed again. Jared stroked Jensen's face, "Of course you're not. You shine like the reflection of sunshine on a crystal lagoon. Your beauty was hidden from others because you are meant only for me. I am sure of it. You must never think that again." He kissed delicately at the freckles on Jensen's skin, and it tickled and tingled in the most arousing way. Between kisses, he spoke words; some compliments, like "sexy," and "sweet," and others in an archaic and unfamiliar tongue.
Jensen rolled his hips up and moaned, "Jared."
"Mm."
"I'm nineteen years old and have I've waiting for you all my life. You are about two thousand years overdue for sex. Stop talking and fuck me." He stretched his knees wide for Jared to kneel between his legs.
Jensen's fingers scratched and grasped his sheets as the head of Jared's cock nudged inside him. He held his breath with the initial discomfort but Jared was steady and considerate, and stopped to remind him to breathe. Then there was the bright explosion of sensation against his prostate and he didn't want respect or care any more. He wanted hard thrusts and fingerprint bruises. He was filled and fucked, and kissed and licked, and he was shamelessly rutting up to meet it all. There was a burn with the slide, but it felt right. It felt fucking fantastic, and Jared was a god to him, in every way. He reached around Jared to knead his asscheeks and encourage his rhythm. He swore, and squirmed, kissed, nipped and sucked. Sweat shone on their skin and soaked the bed. Jared's huge lubed hand reached between them to grasp Jensen's achingly hard dick, and he stroked it, in time with deep thrusts. All sense left Jensen, and he thought he might be jabbering, loudly.
Jared was struggling to make sense too, "Oh, nngh, I'm gonna, Jensen, stay still, going to ..."
Jensen was slammed flat to the bed with an invisible force. He tried to lift his head, but the pressure was too intense. Fear spiked at the same time as the pain of a hundred needles, stabbing him, in the depths of his most intimate channel. "Aagh. Holy Fuck! Wha? Jare?" Jensen yowled. He fought to make his body move, to get away, but he was skewered internally, and held supernaturally.
Jared's eyes shone with an ecstatic intensity, and he stilled, buried as deep as he could be in Jensen. He spoke with the hint of a growl, "Cat barbs. You have to stay still, Jen, while I fill you up and breed you good."
And oh, oh, the pain was irrelevant because the words, and the vibration of a rumbling, possessive, purr, sparked through every nerve ending and traveled straight to his dick. The pain of the barbs became curiously erotic, a physical form of possession, which made him feel loved and needed. He wondered if they injected some sort of love venom, because he was floating on a sex-high. He was close, and he was sure he was going to paint a lifetime's come on his belly, and Jared's abs.
Jensen shut his eyes as he yelled his orgasm. When he opened them, he was outside. The sky above them was blue, painted with golden sunshine, and he was lying on fresh-cut soft grass with Jared above him, smiling softly, filling him deep with the proof of his sacrifice. There was the sound of water running over rocks nearby, and in the distance, tuneful, childish giggles could be heard. A green leaf fluttered on the wind beside them. Everything felt good and right, and happy. This was Eden, and this was his mate.
Jensen woke with a start, in his own bed. Jared was wiping him with a cool cloth. He looked pale and worried.
"You blacked out. I was scared. I thought I left you behind, or that I damaged you."
"You took me home with you." Jensen murmured dreamily.
"I had to, or the spell would have failed. This way, we can both travel between realms." Jared chewed his lip, "It's just that there's a catch, and I know it's selfish but I am a god and you were my sacrifice to take."
"I'm still alive!" Jensen sat up. He wriggled his fingers and toes. He was beginning to wake up. "I never asked, and it was really, very important, but I never asked if the ceremony would kill me. Ha! I'm alive!"
Jared became increasingly wide eyed as Jensen came around to everything he had just done, because, wow. It was good. The best in fact, but ...ouch, his ass stung. "Barbed cock!" he suddenly exclaimed, just before he used a flat palm, to slap Jared's face. "You have barbs, and you never warned me! Sharp, painful, barbs!"
"Only when I orgasm!" Jared raised his hands to cover his face defensively. "I'm a were jaguar! What did you expect?"
"Not that! And, and, and ... you used magic to seduce me." Jensen pointed accusingly.
Jared's brow creased. "I can't do that. I would have waited. You dragged me into your room."
"Oh, my god. I'm a slut!" wailed Jensen.
"It isn't wrong to enjoy sex. Oprah said so," Jared reassured.
"You pinned me down, with magic."
"Well, yes, only because I didn't want you to hurt yourself. Anyway, you got off on it."
Jensen blushed wine-red. "You went all Neanderthal and godlike. I can't be expected to resist that. And I don't freak out!"
Jared just stared at him, and raised one eyebrow.
Jensen was aware of his heart racing, and a cold sweat on his brow. "Am I freaking out? I'm freaking out, aren't I?"
Jared nodded, climbed into bed, and wrapped himself around Jensen. He rocked him slightly and kissed him. "Since you're already freaking out, I may as well tell you the rest."
Jensen rested his head over Jared's heart. For some reason he needed to be close, and hear the beat of it. His own heart slowed, and his tension started to dissipate. "The rest?"
"After a Jaguar god is summoned, we can only return to our realm when we take the virgin sacrifice. It is to do with the energy released. If we leave the deflowered sacrifice at the altar, then we cannot return to your world until we are summoned again."
It was Jensen's turn to be confused, "But you're here."
"Because our combined energy was strong enough to take us both home, and return us here. I mated you, and the process binds us together, forever. You shared your world bond with me, and I shared my bond with you. We became creatures of both realms."
"I could have lost you and I never asked. I might never have seen you again! You didn't ask me!" Jensen could feel the freak-out returning.
Jared shook his head in disbelief. "I tell you that I mated with you, forever, and that you aren't entirely human any more, and you panic over something that didn't happen."
Jensen caught up, "Forever, like ...always?"
"As long as we both shall live."
"How long is that?"
"In this world we are mortal. In my world, it is endless."
"Huh. We only met yesterday." Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared's waist. He was flesh to flesh, in exactly the place he needed to be. "I should be freaking out again, shouldn't I?"
"I think maybe we should both be freaking out, but I feel good. How about you?"
"Happy. Exhausted," murmured Jensen.
"Flat-out," echoed Jared.
Jensen nuzzled at Jared's neck. "Stay with me tonight."
"I shall always be with you." Jared kissed his brow.
Jensen could feel sleep pulling him under, but his eyelashes fluttered open with a sudden thought, "Am I a were jaguar now? Do I get a long tail and pointy ears?"
Jared curled around him protectively, "No, but you will have our babies, and they shall be were jaguars, and inherit my powers."
Jensen sat up abruptly. He thought he was entitled to freak out, all over again.
Outside, emergency services picked through the debris of a tornado, and wondered at the house that stayed intact in the middle of its destruction. Chad and Danneel politely refused to leave, and closed their blinds to the reporters, who clamored for their opinion.
***A week later, they all ate breakfast together. Outside the sun shone, not too bright, not too cool.
"Bacon, eggs and pancakes!" Jensen served breakfast with a flourish.
Jared tucked in with enthusiasm. Danni pushed her plate away. "I keep thinking about the noises you two made last night," she complained to Jensen.
Chad and Jared dived to steal her portion, but Jared growled a threat, and Chad backed off.
"Jensen excites the wild beast in me," Jared admitted. "We'll have somewhere of our own soon. I'm going to see a leprechaun about the pot of gold at the end of his rainbow. He owes me for hooking him up with Genevieve. Then, there's a satyr who does wonderful things with log cabins, and I'm going to install solar power."
"And what about this realm? You know that Jensen has to be bright and early in work, every day."
Jensen chewed his bacon and swallowed some coffee, "My boss isn't coming back. Apparently the storm, and the mass of insurance claims that came from it, was all too much for him. My promotion has been made permanent, and so has the pay raise."
Chad high-fived Jared. "Awesome sex-storm, dude."
Jensen continued, "We're looking at a little house, with its own plot of land. There's trees and shrubs, and we're going to have a pond with a rock fountain.”
“And a garden shed painted like the TARDIS,” Jared gave a thumbs up at Chad. "The house is on sale for next to nothing, because it keeps flooding," he added slyly.
“I know somebody who makes Cyberman gnomes. They'd look good by your pond.” Chad told them.
"You wouldn't have anything to do with Steve's fountain going missing from the club would you?" Danni inquired, sternly.
Jensen and Jared batted their eyelashes innocently, and took another bite of pancake.
***Jared met Jensen for lunch in the park. They walked together hand in hand, and the sticky morning heat was broken by a cool mist of rain. Jensen breathed in the wonderful smell of damp grass and flowers.
"How do you make the weather so perfect?" Jensen asked. He'd been wondering about the change, ever since their first night together, and the tornado that ensued. There hadn't been any unexpected storms in the region since, despite some fairly energetic lovemaking.
Jared gave him an impish look. "You want me to give away my secrets?"
"I gave my virginity."
"So did I!"
"Mmm. Touché, So, weather?"
"I don't do anything. It's perfect all on its own. If I want a rainstorm very badly, then I think about it hard, and sometimes it happens. Mostly, rain gods are about timing and mood. If you know the season, you know when it is best to respond to a summoning, to make it look good. Then, there is a temporary effect that we seem to have when we travel between realms, or when we're very stressed." He dropped his voice to a panther purr, "Or sexually frustrated."
"Oh, so this isn't you?" Jensen put his hands out to catch sparkling droplets.
"Maybe, subconsciously it is. I have everything I need for my life to be perfect, right next to me, and he is covered in his own golden raindrops." Jared crowded his mate against the rough bark of an elderly oak. He kissed him breathless and counted freckles, with tickling fingers. A forest nymph giggled and hid her eyes from the sight of them making out, under the shelter of her tree.
In the afternoon, Danni brought Jensen coffee in his new office. She ruffled his hair, straightened his tie, and tucked his shirt back into his pants. "Now, about the cat hair on our sofa ...," she began.
Jensen's eyes sparkled. "Chad's fault!" he declared..
~end~
A/N: A black jaguar is a panther. Jared is loosely based on the Olmec were-jaguar, which could travel between realms and commune with Olmec shamen, though I accept that in reality these gods would have had a native Mesoamerican appearance, therefore a person of color. All sorts of liberties have been taken with the myth. If it interests you, then follow the trail from here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaguars_in_Mesoamerican_cultures
Title: Raining Cats and Gods
Rating: NC-17
Pairing/Characters: Jared/Jensen, Danneel Harris, Chad Michael Murray
Description: J2 AU. Crack. The one where Jared is a Rain God, Jensen is a virgin, and everything is Chad's fault.
Wordcount: ~10,800 words over two chapters
Warnings: explicit sexual content, inter-species sex, flawed mythology and biology, Chad
Betas: Thanks to
sylsdarkplace and
meus_venator for making this better. Any mistakes belong to me. I do meddle with my text when I post.
Disclaimer: This is fiction, pure fantasy folks. Nobody here belongs to me and they’re not likely to get in my van for candy any time soon. Written for the ianaugural week of j2_crack
***
Raining Cats and Gods, Part 2
The first thing Jensen noticed when he awoke, was how comfortable he was. He felt safe and cozy, wrapped into the side of the softest, furry cushion. The second thing, was the sound of somebody hyperventilating. He wasn't sure what order everything else followed in, because waking up, with a black cat's whiskers tickling your face, is disconcerting when you don't own a cat. Especially, when said cat is, in fact, a full size black panther, which undoubtedly has claws like Freddie Krueger, and teeth to match.
It was Danni who couldn't catch her breath. She shook as she stared at the giant cat. Chad stood a little behind her, gaping like a fish, and muttering words like animal control. Jensen was aware that he should be freaked out, but somehow, he didn't feel any threat from the predator at his side.
A long black tail thumped rhythmically on the arm of the sofa, and the cat opened exotic multi-hued eyes. It rubbed a giant paw over its nose and licked it clean, and then, just like that, it disappeared, and a very naked Jared appeared next to Jensen. Jared yawned and scratched the back of his neck. Chad caught Danni as she fainted.
"What?" Jared asked. He sounded grouchy.
"Um," said Jensen, hastily averting his eyes as he tucked a woolen throw over Jared.
"Err, ugh, ah," said Chad.
Danni moaned and Chad fanned her.
"Were you just a cat?" asked Jensen, like that was the sort of question he asked every day.
"A cat?"
A gust of wind blew rain noisily at the window, and there was an ominous crack of lightning.
Jensen mimed shape, size and pointy ears. "A very, very big cat."
Jared squinted at him. It was kind of judgmental, as if he wasn't a part time panther, and Danni wasn't recovering from a faint on the floor. "Your friends asked me to keep you safe," he said simply. He grinned and looked at Jensen like he was the only one that mattered in the room. "Good morning, my beautiful virgin. Rain is falling, skies are gray. It's a wonderful day for your sacrifice."
Jensen pinched himself. It hurt. He pinched himself again; he didn't wake up. He stretched and yawned. "I'll find you some clothes." He padded into his bedroom to put his own clothes on, and to find something for Jared. He rooted at the back of his closet for an old sports bag. Sure enough, being a sentimental, and bitter ex-boyfriend, there were Tom Welling's jean's, tee-shirt, socks and hoodie, which had mysteriously gone missing from the college swimming lockers, the day he broke up with Jensen,citing irreconcilable differences, and a pouty glamor-model love-interest.
Chad followed him into his room, and waited for Jensen to stop mumbling and throwing items out of his closet. "Dude, are we going to talk about your Neanderthal kitty?"
Jensen rushed past him with his bundle. "I'll cook breakfast. Do we have eggs? I remember Jared saying he likes eggs and bacon."
"Jensen ...,"
"No. Not listening. Never happened. Don't want to be late for work."
When they emerged, Danni was perched on the arm of the sofa, by Jared, looking hazily serene. "Jared is a Jaguar rain god," she mentioned casually, " ...and it's not going to stop raining until Jensen has sex with him. Oh, and he likes coffee." The speed and tone of her voice increased until she was practically squeaking. "I am going to make coffee, and then I am going to work, and when I come home, it won't be raining, and there won't be were-jaguar in the house." She grinned manically at Jensen.
Okay, hysterical, not calm.
Jared looked glum.
"Hey. I got you some clothes. I'll make breakfast while you get dressed."
Jared looked down at his feet. "You're running away because you don't want to be my sacrifice," he sniffed.
"I never said that!" denied Jensen, "I don't want to lose my job, and my boss really hates me, and if I'm late again today, he is going to yell."
"It's true," Danni backed him up. "His boss really hates him, which is all kinds of unfair because he did nothing to him, except being better than him at the job."
"That's not fair," agreed Jared. "But, the thing is, if we complete the ceremony, you won't need a job."
"Don't get me wrong. You seem like a very nice, er, god. It's just, I may be nervous about being a human sacrifice, to a rain god, who is sometimes a cat. Everyone should have a job to fall back on if things don't work out. I need to go to work, and when I get back, you can explain exactly what is involved in your offer."
"It's not an offer!" Jared stamped his foot. Lightning flashed. "You summoned me." He looked positively tearful. "I thought you meant it. You looked lonely, and the drums were so loud. When you reached through the portal, it felt right. It touched me here," Jared put a hand over his heart, “I thought you could be my one true mate.”
"I never reached through any portals, or summoned you!"
"Yes, you did!"
"No, I didn't."
"Yes, you did!"
"No, I...,"
In the distance, a power station flooded. In evidence of it, lights went out all over the city, and the coffee-maker stopped bubbling.
"Er, guys. I think you should stop arguing," suggested Chad.
"Great! Danni looked daggers at them. "Did you do something, Jared? Because that's kind of petty, and now Jensen and I have to take the bus, because the subway will be out, and that means we have to leave now, and nobody gets any breakfast."
Jared bit his lip, and looked suitably chastened. "I didn't know that would happen. The last time I was here, there wasn't electricity, and it only took father a few minutes to sacrifice the virgin." He shuffled his feet. "Sorry," he added.
Danni put on her coat, and grabbed an umbrella. "I don't suppose you can ease up on the rain until we're at the office, can you?"
"I'm stressed," boomed Jared. Thunder rolled.
Jensen put his coat on. He touched Jared's arm lightly. "I promise I'm coming back. Look, I've left all my posters up, and my action figures are on the shelf. I'm not going to leave them behind, am I?"
Jared touched a finger to the Firefly poster on the wall nearest to him. "I like them. It's a pity somebody put their mark on this one.” He ran his finger over Nathan Fillion's signature.
Jensen laughed, “It's supposed to be like that. I'm going to get another one soon. The comic shop has one for Farscape, and that's signed too, but if I don't work, I won't get paid, and I won't be able to buy it. Nobody leaves me presents at an altar.”
“Oh.” Jared looked sad, “Then you should go.”
Chad has a day's leave, so you can keep him company." Jensen stood on tiptoes, and kissed the upturn of Jared's nose. "By the way, when were you here last?"
Jared closed one eye in concentration, and his fingers moved as he counted, "I lost track after two thousand years," he answered.
They all turned to stare at him simultaneously, "Huh!" they expressed, as one.
***Jensen turned his iPOD on and his music up, to drown out the sound of the rain, while he did his filing. Mid-morning, the electricity returned, and he mindlessly replied to e-mails. He bit his fingernails to the quick, wondering what he was going to do.
Danni dragged him to a quiet internet cafe for lunch. She pulled up some websites and turned the screen for him to see. "I've been doing research," she announced.
"The boss is going to kill you."
If you don't do something, we are all going to drown," she groused.
She pushed coffee at him, and sipped her own. "The Olmec were-jaguars," she started, "They weren't as big as the Mayan or Aztec gods, but they had some worshipers. The god could be human-like, or take the shape of a jaguar or black panther. They were supposed to be powerful and generous. According to this, they demanded regular sacrifice in return for rain in the first days after crops were planted. Of course, that was in Mexico, where water was actually needed."
"Does it say what the sacrifice was?"
"There are lots of different suggestions but none of them are confirmed by archaeologists. Blood of a lamb. Blood of a newborn baby. Blood of a virgin. Virgin."
Jensen paled, and gulped his coffee. "I need to get away. What do I do? He's in my house!"
"You summoned him. Why did you have to do that?"
"I already said ...,"
Danni tapped a picture, "Recognize this, genius?"
He peered close. "It's Steve's fountain."
Danni scowled at him. "According to this, it's the Jaguar Shrine of T'lolo, which was stolen during the excavation of an Olmec settlement."
"Oh. Shit!" Jensen put his coffee down. He peered even closer. "The inscription is said to be a summoning spell. There is evidence that the sacrifice would be taken to the stone, and their hand held in the water, while the incantation was read out. The god would appear, bringing the rain with him, and take the sacrifice, while the village celebrated his bounty." Jensen put his head in his hands, "Oh crappy, shit, fuck! I summoned an ancient god, and he needs my blood. He's going to kill me Danni." His voice rose to a shrill squeak. He was panicking. He was absolutely entitled to panic. "It's all Chad's fault. I never wanted to do karaoke. He suggested we go to Comic Con."
Danni put her hand over his. "Calm down, and think. Jared doesn't seem like he wants to kill you. Last night, in the cab, he was adamant he didn't want anybody to die, and then he told you he wanted to take you home. He did seem set on popping your cherry though."
"Oh god! He probably has to kill me while we're having sex."
"Seriously? He could have done that any time last night. He's more of a gentleman than ninety percent of my exes. You know, we could tell him we don't need his rain. I mean, we don't. In fact, we need the rain to stop."
Jensen looked hopeful. He breathed out and took another sip of his coffee. "That might work."
Danneel tapped her fingernails on the table, "Except, he must already have guessed we don't need the rain. He seems intelligent, and he has eyes."
Jensen slumped in despair. "He said he can't go home until he's had sex with me. What am I going to do?" he whined.
"You have to talk to him, Jensen. If necessary, you have to take a hit for the rest of mankind, and take it like a man, or like the desperate, horny virgin you are. He's totally hot, and hung like a horse. You were all over him last night. How difficult can it be?"
Jensen narrowed his eyes at her and shifted nervously on his chair.
"Oh, c'mon! You think I haven't seen your super secret sex toys? You told Chad about them, Jensen."
Jensen groaned, and buried his head on the table, under his arms. "I'll think about it," he promised.
***So, that was the story so far. Jensen left work early, headed past the comic shop, picking up Jared's impromptu present on the way, (he was sure that the poster floating to his feet couldn't be a coincidence). He caught the bus back to his modest home, which he shared with Danneel and Chad, and hoped that the end of his tale was going to be more Hans Christian Anderson, than Grimm. He was shaking with fear when he walked through the door of his house.
The front door was barely shut behind Jensen, when a four thousand year old, shaggy-haired god, bowled into him and clung on, like a frightened kitten. "I missed you," he whimpered, "It's all so confusing, and nothing Chad says makes sense."
Of course, the only sensible thing for Jensen to do, in the circumstances, was to hug him close, slip a hand under his shirt, to caress his smooth, firm skin, and attack his mouth with a greedy, passionate kiss.
Outside, clouds parted to show a thin sliver of blue sky.
"Oh, hmm." Jared kissed back with enthusiasm. "Hello Jensen," he panted when they finally pulled apart.
"Jared. Chad never makes sense. Please don't panic."
"But I don't know what to do," Jared's hands flailed through air, then he took Jensen's arm and tugged him into the house. "Here." He helped Jensen with his coat. "Did you get my gift? Chad told me that if I wanted to take your most precious gift, then I should give you something first. I managed to invoke the lightning. It was cool."
Jensen held the poster tube in his hand. He didn't have the heart to yell at Jared for the damage his storm had caused, in the name of one large poster. He didn't know how to describe it. Vandalism? Breaking and not entering? Cat burglary?
Chad lounged on the sofa. He scratched his belly, and burped his greeting.
Jared scowled at Chad, but he didn't dwell on the bad behavior. He pressed a bottle of Mountain Dew into Jensen's hand, closely followed by a plate of Skittles, arranged in the bend and order of a rainbow.
"Taste the rainbow!" Jared encouraged. "They're brilliant. They taste exactly right. The green one is perfect. Chad says he will get me a box of them to take home. The sun nymphs are going to go nuts over them." He crinkled his nose as he considered the bottle of Mountain Dew, "The drink doesn't taste like dew at all. It's more like honey fizz, but I like honey fizz. Do you like honey fizz?"
Jensen couldn't help smiling at Jared's enthusiasm. He couldn't stay frightened of the tall god, with his dimples and childish bounce. "If it tastes like this, then yes I do."
"Oh, good. I can make that."
"He takes adverts far too seriously, and don't even get me started on Oprah," Chad cut in as his hand snaked to steal a sweet. "I thought he was going to cry during MTV's Cribs."
Jared's mouth turned down. He looked crushed. Jensen wondered what was so upsetting about MTV, aside from the music.
"I learned much today," Jared started, "But it made no sense. I have to give presents to you, not your parents. I must look after you, but then you should be independent too. I should wait to make love to you, but if I wait it means I don't have passion. We should make love not war, but sometimes war is the right thing. Money isn't important, but then how does a human provide an adequate shelter for their mate?" Jared slumped into the sofa, and it shook. "I don't have money, and my home doesn't have a big kitchen, or gold faucets, or even closets. I don't have anything but a silly picture to exchange for your sacrifice, and yet, if we don't complete the ceremony, I can't go home, and your climate will be screwed up, and basically, I suck. I should have listened to father. We don't belong in your realm."
"You brought rain," stated Jensen. He tried to sound upbeat.
"Yeah, sorry. According to the news show, that sucks too."
"You could turn the rain off." Jensen bit back the suggestion that Jared go home. He realized that he really, really didn't want him to leave. After all, the dude had made him a Skittles rainbow. It was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for him.
Jared looked at his fingers. He didn't speak.
"Jared?"
Jared blushed.
"Chad, can you leave us for a few minutes?"
Chad made no move.
"Chad. Get out!" Jensen pointed to the door.
"I don't want to miss anything."
"Now!" Jensen pushed his friend off the sofa.
"S'unfair." Chad shuffled to his room. As he closed the door, he yelled, "Call me when you get to the sex part of the deal."
Jensen threw a sock after him. Jared aimed a skittle at his head with unerring precision, and it bounced off his gelled blond hair. "Ow."
"You're learning," Jensen remarked with approval.
Jared smiled, and his dimples showed.
Sun broke through a tiny gap in the clouds, and a rainbow formed.
"We need to talk." Jensen said.
Clouds covered the sun.
"I know."
"So. I did some research, well Danni did, and it turns out you were right. I summoned you. I thought the inscription was Klingon." He shrugged. "I have to know what happens next. I'm assuming that whatever you decide, I won't to be able to fight you, what with the god thing n'all. You look kind of strong."
"I can pull up a mature redwood with my hand," boasted Jared, "but that gets me into trouble with the tree gods, and their nymphs. "Do you have any idea how difficult it is to wash maple syrup from hair?"
Jensen nodded his understanding. "I had a similar experience with molasses. Chad was involved."
Genevieve is normally the one who gets me into trouble. She's a sun nymph. And she cheats at Monopoly."
"You have Monopoly?”
Jared shrugged, “We have lots of things. Many of your new places were built on our shrines and altars. Objects come through. Arnold, who is a god of luck, gets the best things. There's a cub-scout hall on his shrine. He gets camping books, and games, and cookies. Genevieve bartered some sunshine seeds for Monopoly, but by then Arnold had Twister anyhow.”
Jensen sympathized, "Chad cheats at Monopoly, and he thinks I don't notice if he moves my wizard in Dungeons and Dragons."
"The dragons won't play with Gen any more. She once replaced their fire berries with sneezing nuts. There was ash everywhere, for days."
Jensen laughed, "Oh, I would have loved to have seen that."
"Really?" Jared's face lit up with joy, "I thought my realm would scare you. People don't generally trust dragons, but they're useful at a barbecue, and they know the dirtiest jokes."
"It sounds amazing. Like Harry Potter, or an episode of Doctor Who."
"I like it here, with you," Jared spoke quietly. "There is a machine that makes better coffee than the stuck-up Mayan gods ever did, and there's TV, posters, closets... and doors... and you."
"And doors?"
"We see reflections in the Emerald Lake, but it has been thousands of years since we visited your world. We don't keep up. We don't have IKEA, or electricity, or pizza."
Jared spoke sadly, "My home is not suitable for a mate."
"Jared, is that why Cribs upset you? Oh my god. That isn't normal! What sort of house you have isn't important. What is your home like? I'm sure it's comfortable."
Jared mumbled under his breath.
"Pardon."
"I have a cave. Okay?"
"Oh, Right." Jensen didn't know what to say about that. He decided to get back on track. Getting lost in conversation was easy with Jared, which was peculiar, because normally, talking was hard for him - especially talking to tall, hot strangers. "Jared, go back to where we started. You were going to say something about the weather."
Jared stared at Jensen's lips. "Can I kiss you?"
To hell with it. What would be the harm?
Jared's lips were soft and welcoming. His mouth was as fresh as rain. His arms encompassed him in safety, and they tumbled onto the sofa together. Jensen found himself crawling into Jared's lap to get as much of him as he could. He tangled his fingers into the wild, forest-fragrant hair, while his tongue pushed and tasted, sucked and licked. Fuck. He just couldn't get enough. He needed Jared like air, and Jared wanted him. He reached under Jared's tee-shirt, to run his fingers over the strong chest and pert nipples.
They kissed until Jensen's lips were tender, and somewhere along the way, they lost their clothes, and Jensen thought it was a neat trick. "Bedroom," he managed to pant, before the last of his control was lost, with skin on skin, and holy shit, I want your cock in me, right the fuck now. He saw his virginity setting sail, and waved it goodbye, without any shame.
Jared rummaged under the sofa and magically produced an economy-size bottle of Astroglide. He gave a lopsided grin at Jensen. "Chad gave it to me. He showed me a documentary on how to use it. Busty Asian Beauties ... he said the principle is the same."
Jensen felt his arousal fade, just a fraction, "Did that 'documentary' tell you to never, ever mention Chad during intimate moments?" He pulled Jared into his bedroom, and kicked the door shut. He scrambled onto the bed and grabbed Jared to bring him tumbling on top of him. "Will this do for an altar?" he asked. "Because, I swear, if you don't sacrifice me soon, my balls will explode."
"Don't explode!" Jared sounded concerned.
"It's an expression, Jared."
"Oh, good." Jared dived on Jensen with power and weight, eager hot lips, and searching hands. The hard erection and soft skin of his cock ground against Jensen's ready dick, and they both moaned. Jared braced himself over Jensen and rolled his hips, repeating the action, slowly and sensually. Jensen threw his head back with pleasure.
Jared's mouth found the exposed skin under his ear, to lave and suck at it. Slick digits found his puckered muscle. Jared prepped him with care, and Jensen squirmed and begged under him, insisting that he had toys, and nobody needed to be so thorough.
"It's my first time," Jared reminded him. "I'm a little different, and I want to get it right. I don't want to hurt you."
"I have a ten inch super-dong, in my nightstand." Jensen boasted, before Jared's words caught up with him. Holy Hell - first time. "You're thousands of years old! I thought gods got it on with worshipers, and other gods, all the time?"
"Other gods aren't interesting." Jared breathed heavily, and continued stretching Jensen's hole with his long, supple, fingers, "I was too young when we were all the rage, and then there was the whole business of worshipers murdering babies, so father decided we wouldn't attend the summonings. Then it went quiet, and for the last two thousand years there's only been one or two virgin summons, and they weren't attractive or interesting, or even any good at the summoning, so I couldn't be bothered. Then BOOM, there you were, and you are more beautiful than I could have imagined, in body and in mind."
Jensen stilled and peered up at Jared. "But I'm nerdy and plain."
Thunder rolled in the distance. Jared's muscles tensed, like a cat about to pounce, then relaxed again. Jared stroked Jensen's face, "Of course you're not. You shine like the reflection of sunshine on a crystal lagoon. Your beauty was hidden from others because you are meant only for me. I am sure of it. You must never think that again." He kissed delicately at the freckles on Jensen's skin, and it tickled and tingled in the most arousing way. Between kisses, he spoke words; some compliments, like "sexy," and "sweet," and others in an archaic and unfamiliar tongue.
Jensen rolled his hips up and moaned, "Jared."
"Mm."
"I'm nineteen years old and have I've waiting for you all my life. You are about two thousand years overdue for sex. Stop talking and fuck me." He stretched his knees wide for Jared to kneel between his legs.
Jensen's fingers scratched and grasped his sheets as the head of Jared's cock nudged inside him. He held his breath with the initial discomfort but Jared was steady and considerate, and stopped to remind him to breathe. Then there was the bright explosion of sensation against his prostate and he didn't want respect or care any more. He wanted hard thrusts and fingerprint bruises. He was filled and fucked, and kissed and licked, and he was shamelessly rutting up to meet it all. There was a burn with the slide, but it felt right. It felt fucking fantastic, and Jared was a god to him, in every way. He reached around Jared to knead his asscheeks and encourage his rhythm. He swore, and squirmed, kissed, nipped and sucked. Sweat shone on their skin and soaked the bed. Jared's huge lubed hand reached between them to grasp Jensen's achingly hard dick, and he stroked it, in time with deep thrusts. All sense left Jensen, and he thought he might be jabbering, loudly.
Jared was struggling to make sense too, "Oh, nngh, I'm gonna, Jensen, stay still, going to ..."
Jensen was slammed flat to the bed with an invisible force. He tried to lift his head, but the pressure was too intense. Fear spiked at the same time as the pain of a hundred needles, stabbing him, in the depths of his most intimate channel. "Aagh. Holy Fuck! Wha? Jare?" Jensen yowled. He fought to make his body move, to get away, but he was skewered internally, and held supernaturally.
Jared's eyes shone with an ecstatic intensity, and he stilled, buried as deep as he could be in Jensen. He spoke with the hint of a growl, "Cat barbs. You have to stay still, Jen, while I fill you up and breed you good."
And oh, oh, the pain was irrelevant because the words, and the vibration of a rumbling, possessive, purr, sparked through every nerve ending and traveled straight to his dick. The pain of the barbs became curiously erotic, a physical form of possession, which made him feel loved and needed. He wondered if they injected some sort of love venom, because he was floating on a sex-high. He was close, and he was sure he was going to paint a lifetime's come on his belly, and Jared's abs.
Jensen shut his eyes as he yelled his orgasm. When he opened them, he was outside. The sky above them was blue, painted with golden sunshine, and he was lying on fresh-cut soft grass with Jared above him, smiling softly, filling him deep with the proof of his sacrifice. There was the sound of water running over rocks nearby, and in the distance, tuneful, childish giggles could be heard. A green leaf fluttered on the wind beside them. Everything felt good and right, and happy. This was Eden, and this was his mate.
Jensen woke with a start, in his own bed. Jared was wiping him with a cool cloth. He looked pale and worried.
"You blacked out. I was scared. I thought I left you behind, or that I damaged you."
"You took me home with you." Jensen murmured dreamily.
"I had to, or the spell would have failed. This way, we can both travel between realms." Jared chewed his lip, "It's just that there's a catch, and I know it's selfish but I am a god and you were my sacrifice to take."
"I'm still alive!" Jensen sat up. He wriggled his fingers and toes. He was beginning to wake up. "I never asked, and it was really, very important, but I never asked if the ceremony would kill me. Ha! I'm alive!"
Jared became increasingly wide eyed as Jensen came around to everything he had just done, because, wow. It was good. The best in fact, but ...ouch, his ass stung. "Barbed cock!" he suddenly exclaimed, just before he used a flat palm, to slap Jared's face. "You have barbs, and you never warned me! Sharp, painful, barbs!"
"Only when I orgasm!" Jared raised his hands to cover his face defensively. "I'm a were jaguar! What did you expect?"
"Not that! And, and, and ... you used magic to seduce me." Jensen pointed accusingly.
Jared's brow creased. "I can't do that. I would have waited. You dragged me into your room."
"Oh, my god. I'm a slut!" wailed Jensen.
"It isn't wrong to enjoy sex. Oprah said so," Jared reassured.
"You pinned me down, with magic."
"Well, yes, only because I didn't want you to hurt yourself. Anyway, you got off on it."
Jensen blushed wine-red. "You went all Neanderthal and godlike. I can't be expected to resist that. And I don't freak out!"
Jared just stared at him, and raised one eyebrow.
Jensen was aware of his heart racing, and a cold sweat on his brow. "Am I freaking out? I'm freaking out, aren't I?"
Jared nodded, climbed into bed, and wrapped himself around Jensen. He rocked him slightly and kissed him. "Since you're already freaking out, I may as well tell you the rest."
Jensen rested his head over Jared's heart. For some reason he needed to be close, and hear the beat of it. His own heart slowed, and his tension started to dissipate. "The rest?"
"After a Jaguar god is summoned, we can only return to our realm when we take the virgin sacrifice. It is to do with the energy released. If we leave the deflowered sacrifice at the altar, then we cannot return to your world until we are summoned again."
It was Jensen's turn to be confused, "But you're here."
"Because our combined energy was strong enough to take us both home, and return us here. I mated you, and the process binds us together, forever. You shared your world bond with me, and I shared my bond with you. We became creatures of both realms."
"I could have lost you and I never asked. I might never have seen you again! You didn't ask me!" Jensen could feel the freak-out returning.
Jared shook his head in disbelief. "I tell you that I mated with you, forever, and that you aren't entirely human any more, and you panic over something that didn't happen."
Jensen caught up, "Forever, like ...always?"
"As long as we both shall live."
"How long is that?"
"In this world we are mortal. In my world, it is endless."
"Huh. We only met yesterday." Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared's waist. He was flesh to flesh, in exactly the place he needed to be. "I should be freaking out again, shouldn't I?"
"I think maybe we should both be freaking out, but I feel good. How about you?"
"Happy. Exhausted," murmured Jensen.
"Flat-out," echoed Jared.
Jensen nuzzled at Jared's neck. "Stay with me tonight."
"I shall always be with you." Jared kissed his brow.
Jensen could feel sleep pulling him under, but his eyelashes fluttered open with a sudden thought, "Am I a were jaguar now? Do I get a long tail and pointy ears?"
Jared curled around him protectively, "No, but you will have our babies, and they shall be were jaguars, and inherit my powers."
Jensen sat up abruptly. He thought he was entitled to freak out, all over again.
Outside, emergency services picked through the debris of a tornado, and wondered at the house that stayed intact in the middle of its destruction. Chad and Danneel politely refused to leave, and closed their blinds to the reporters, who clamored for their opinion.
***A week later, they all ate breakfast together. Outside the sun shone, not too bright, not too cool.
"Bacon, eggs and pancakes!" Jensen served breakfast with a flourish.
Jared tucked in with enthusiasm. Danni pushed her plate away. "I keep thinking about the noises you two made last night," she complained to Jensen.
Chad and Jared dived to steal her portion, but Jared growled a threat, and Chad backed off.
"Jensen excites the wild beast in me," Jared admitted. "We'll have somewhere of our own soon. I'm going to see a leprechaun about the pot of gold at the end of his rainbow. He owes me for hooking him up with Genevieve. Then, there's a satyr who does wonderful things with log cabins, and I'm going to install solar power."
"And what about this realm? You know that Jensen has to be bright and early in work, every day."
Jensen chewed his bacon and swallowed some coffee, "My boss isn't coming back. Apparently the storm, and the mass of insurance claims that came from it, was all too much for him. My promotion has been made permanent, and so has the pay raise."
Chad high-fived Jared. "Awesome sex-storm, dude."
Jensen continued, "We're looking at a little house, with its own plot of land. There's trees and shrubs, and we're going to have a pond with a rock fountain.”
“And a garden shed painted like the TARDIS,” Jared gave a thumbs up at Chad. "The house is on sale for next to nothing, because it keeps flooding," he added slyly.
“I know somebody who makes Cyberman gnomes. They'd look good by your pond.” Chad told them.
"You wouldn't have anything to do with Steve's fountain going missing from the club would you?" Danni inquired, sternly.
Jensen and Jared batted their eyelashes innocently, and took another bite of pancake.
***Jared met Jensen for lunch in the park. They walked together hand in hand, and the sticky morning heat was broken by a cool mist of rain. Jensen breathed in the wonderful smell of damp grass and flowers.
"How do you make the weather so perfect?" Jensen asked. He'd been wondering about the change, ever since their first night together, and the tornado that ensued. There hadn't been any unexpected storms in the region since, despite some fairly energetic lovemaking.
Jared gave him an impish look. "You want me to give away my secrets?"
"I gave my virginity."
"So did I!"
"Mmm. Touché, So, weather?"
"I don't do anything. It's perfect all on its own. If I want a rainstorm very badly, then I think about it hard, and sometimes it happens. Mostly, rain gods are about timing and mood. If you know the season, you know when it is best to respond to a summoning, to make it look good. Then, there is a temporary effect that we seem to have when we travel between realms, or when we're very stressed." He dropped his voice to a panther purr, "Or sexually frustrated."
"Oh, so this isn't you?" Jensen put his hands out to catch sparkling droplets.
"Maybe, subconsciously it is. I have everything I need for my life to be perfect, right next to me, and he is covered in his own golden raindrops." Jared crowded his mate against the rough bark of an elderly oak. He kissed him breathless and counted freckles, with tickling fingers. A forest nymph giggled and hid her eyes from the sight of them making out, under the shelter of her tree.
In the afternoon, Danni brought Jensen coffee in his new office. She ruffled his hair, straightened his tie, and tucked his shirt back into his pants. "Now, about the cat hair on our sofa ...," she began.
Jensen's eyes sparkled. "Chad's fault!" he declared..
~end~
A/N: A black jaguar is a panther. Jared is loosely based on the Olmec were-jaguar, which could travel between realms and commune with Olmec shamen, though I accept that in reality these gods would have had a native Mesoamerican appearance, therefore a person of color. All sorts of liberties have been taken with the myth. If it interests you, then follow the trail from here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaguars_in_Mesoamerican_cultures