(no subject)
i really kinda dont like myself right now. All day. I've been. blah. very shitty. Like. i dont even care. I dont have the patience to deal with anyone. && Its not helping that i have to leave for work in 2 hours. I'm not a happy camper. I hate being me. I hate being the ugly one, and constantly feeling like shit everytime i go out with friends. Umm...i hate alot of things. I hate how i have NO FUCKING CLUE as to what i want to do in the future. I hate how no one cares. I hate... me. I FUCKING HATE ME. for being so god damn dumb. So fucking oblivious. I'm just a pawn. Never anything more. And I'm fine with that. No. actually. I'm not fine with it. I fucking hate it. I hate... how. i dont even know. I hate how i feel like crying right now. I hate that i hate myself so much. 4 days left. I didnt have such a great weekend. Friday night was decent. I fucking hated some of it though. Saturday I was sick. Sunday i had a good day. but was pissed I couldnt work out. I cant work out tonight. I have to fucking work. I hate my job. But i love it. I'm trying so hard. and i just cant ever get anything I want. Not a fucking thing. In school, i'm trying SO fucking hard to pass everything, and to study and shit. Not working. With friends, I'm trying to be happy and stay positive and i try to have fun when i'm with them, i just cant. Family, fuck. thats like. unexplainable. Its like a fucking roller coaster. && with.. "love". There is no love. Never has been. Never will be. I'm never good enough. Never have been, Never will be. Pretty. Never. Thin. Never. Confident. Never.
its funny && kinda scary. cuz i just saw a picture of a guy, HIGH HIGH HIGH up in a tree, cutting off branches and stuff. and I wondered... what it would be like to hang from that high. && no. not in a harness. by the neck.
suicide moment for the day.
enjoy.
i've decided its time for a serious update.