horror of horrors
Oh horror.
I've become one of "those" girls. You know, the kind that ACTUALLY wants an anniversary present after 7 years of marriage. I never thought it would be such a big deal, but I would consider that much time with someone somewhat of a milestone.
*note: if you know me, you know I'm not terribly mushy or romantic. I feel, but I'm a bit of a tomboy. I'm easy going, like one of your bros. I can even differentiate love from just sex. So these feelings were a little overwhelming.*
Granted, I did not want a big present, not even a tangible one. We just bought a house, so I understand not getting an engraved piece of jewelery (that I likely wouldn't wear anyway), or even a silly uglydoll (the usual fare for special occasions).
But would it kill to greet me first thing in the morning?... or anytime after being awake and doing stuff for a couple of hours? After all, we both requested the day off work (for some STUPID reason or another)...
I love flowers, but I know that's sort of a luxury at the moment. But would it kill to pick some fresh daisies out of our back yard? For god's sake, they're like weeds out there, we're trampling over them anyway.
I tried to make it more than a regular day. I greeted him happy anniversary. I helped him do stuff he wanted to do that day (move the filing cabinet, buy a lawnmower, mow the lawn) totally romantic, right? It reminded him of why he married me in the first place - I'm pretty awesome for a girl. I ordered in good Indian food for dinner, so we wouldn't have to cook - too bad they messed up the order, but the food was good anyway (and I got a credit back for the mistake).
I was told we'd go see District 9 that day (by my standards, awesome and romantic to be seeing that kind of movie with someone I love). Then it was moved to Tuesday. Then "for sure" tonight. When I asked if we were still watching it, I was answered with a "maybe."
I got mad (like one of those girls who didn't get a present on their anniversary) and cleaned the bathroom instead of punching a hole in the wall of my new house.
Upon explaining that I was a bit tired, maybe from the stress of the new house and living out of boxes, but I felt like I got shafted on my anniversary. I apologized for making it seem like a big deal, when usually it isn't like that with me, but surprisingly to both of us, it was (at least to me). I said I was tired of getting my hopes up for trivial things (as I've abandoned hope for important things a long time ago) and still being disappointed. It made me sad, frustrated and angry.
I was met with the "you're a crazy girl" look. Which frustrated me more. I put the dishes away and did the recycling.
Even when I apologized for being more of a [stereotypical] girl than I used to be, there was nothing. Not even lip service. I was that crazy girl, I didn't deserve anything like "I'll try more next time." I don't even let him apologize anymore because I've told him it means nothing if he does the same thing next time. See? I've abandoned hope already.
He still says "Sorry, I didn't realize this was such a big deal to you [crazy insane girl]." Gee, thanks.
It makes me sad that I'm going to continue living sadly. I want drugs or a gun.
So right now I'm blogging, which I haven't done in a loooong while. Maybe I can hold out for the late show.
~a
I've become one of "those" girls. You know, the kind that ACTUALLY wants an anniversary present after 7 years of marriage. I never thought it would be such a big deal, but I would consider that much time with someone somewhat of a milestone.
*note: if you know me, you know I'm not terribly mushy or romantic. I feel, but I'm a bit of a tomboy. I'm easy going, like one of your bros. I can even differentiate love from just sex. So these feelings were a little overwhelming.*
Granted, I did not want a big present, not even a tangible one. We just bought a house, so I understand not getting an engraved piece of jewelery (that I likely wouldn't wear anyway), or even a silly uglydoll (the usual fare for special occasions).
But would it kill to greet me first thing in the morning?... or anytime after being awake and doing stuff for a couple of hours? After all, we both requested the day off work (for some STUPID reason or another)...
I love flowers, but I know that's sort of a luxury at the moment. But would it kill to pick some fresh daisies out of our back yard? For god's sake, they're like weeds out there, we're trampling over them anyway.
I tried to make it more than a regular day. I greeted him happy anniversary. I helped him do stuff he wanted to do that day (move the filing cabinet, buy a lawnmower, mow the lawn) totally romantic, right? It reminded him of why he married me in the first place - I'm pretty awesome for a girl. I ordered in good Indian food for dinner, so we wouldn't have to cook - too bad they messed up the order, but the food was good anyway (and I got a credit back for the mistake).
I was told we'd go see District 9 that day (by my standards, awesome and romantic to be seeing that kind of movie with someone I love). Then it was moved to Tuesday. Then "for sure" tonight. When I asked if we were still watching it, I was answered with a "maybe."
I got mad (like one of those girls who didn't get a present on their anniversary) and cleaned the bathroom instead of punching a hole in the wall of my new house.
Upon explaining that I was a bit tired, maybe from the stress of the new house and living out of boxes, but I felt like I got shafted on my anniversary. I apologized for making it seem like a big deal, when usually it isn't like that with me, but surprisingly to both of us, it was (at least to me). I said I was tired of getting my hopes up for trivial things (as I've abandoned hope for important things a long time ago) and still being disappointed. It made me sad, frustrated and angry.
I was met with the "you're a crazy girl" look. Which frustrated me more. I put the dishes away and did the recycling.
Even when I apologized for being more of a [stereotypical] girl than I used to be, there was nothing. Not even lip service. I was that crazy girl, I didn't deserve anything like "I'll try more next time." I don't even let him apologize anymore because I've told him it means nothing if he does the same thing next time. See? I've abandoned hope already.
He still says "Sorry, I didn't realize this was such a big deal to you [crazy insane girl]." Gee, thanks.
It makes me sad that I'm going to continue living sadly. I want drugs or a gun.
So right now I'm blogging, which I haven't done in a loooong while. Maybe I can hold out for the late show.
~a