(no subject)
things that get passed from one generation weird me out.
i was talking to my mom today and some how we got on the topic of drinking. and i asked why my dad doesnt drink,..ive never seen him drink alcohol, to my knowledge, in my whole life. and i have asked him before why he doesnt and he refused to tell me. well my mom said that he hadnt always not drank. in fact my dad had quite the drinking problem. she said he'd go out and not come home, and not call and pass out at a friends house etc etc. evidently this was happening even after i was born. she'd be at home taking care of me and he'd just be gone, and she would have no idea where he was. i'm guessing she told him to straighten up or get out because he decided to not drink again. and i guess hasn't since. the scary thing to me is that she said he couldn't just sit and have one drink, he would have to have half a dozen or more. thats how i am. it's so hard to just have one. its like i dont feel comfortable with out a drink in my hand,(in social situations, party etc) and i guess since it's there in my hand i'm always drinking, hence i keep having more and more, because once one is gone i have to have another...anymore when i drink i almost always am to the point of black out. i always think im ok/cool when im not. i started realizing this before she told me anything, and it seems like i dont even go out any more, because i always get too carried away, not to mention i really dont have many friends here... it kinda scares me that i will end up being like my dad in the aspect that i just cant control it, even later on in my life, he was at least 30 when he quit, i just turned 21, am i going to be the same? i think im more aware of the situation than he was but i dont feel that i should not drink just because im fearing being like him, but i dont know how to get more control of the situation and not let my self get to the oblivion point and not give it uo completely...
i was talking to my mom today and some how we got on the topic of drinking. and i asked why my dad doesnt drink,..ive never seen him drink alcohol, to my knowledge, in my whole life. and i have asked him before why he doesnt and he refused to tell me. well my mom said that he hadnt always not drank. in fact my dad had quite the drinking problem. she said he'd go out and not come home, and not call and pass out at a friends house etc etc. evidently this was happening even after i was born. she'd be at home taking care of me and he'd just be gone, and she would have no idea where he was. i'm guessing she told him to straighten up or get out because he decided to not drink again. and i guess hasn't since. the scary thing to me is that she said he couldn't just sit and have one drink, he would have to have half a dozen or more. thats how i am. it's so hard to just have one. its like i dont feel comfortable with out a drink in my hand,(in social situations, party etc) and i guess since it's there in my hand i'm always drinking, hence i keep having more and more, because once one is gone i have to have another...anymore when i drink i almost always am to the point of black out. i always think im ok/cool when im not. i started realizing this before she told me anything, and it seems like i dont even go out any more, because i always get too carried away, not to mention i really dont have many friends here... it kinda scares me that i will end up being like my dad in the aspect that i just cant control it, even later on in my life, he was at least 30 when he quit, i just turned 21, am i going to be the same? i think im more aware of the situation than he was but i dont feel that i should not drink just because im fearing being like him, but i dont know how to get more control of the situation and not let my self get to the oblivion point and not give it uo completely...