(no subject)
rough week. so, last week i ended up hooking up with the boy that i had stopped hooking up with. he and i had a rather mature conversation and agreed that it was best for both of us if we stopped. i think i do this bad thing where i need somethign to go wrong in order for me to realize that things were over. i did this same thing before...well a very similar thing...and had to cause drama and make things bad in order for me to finally understand that i have to follow my own rules. anyway, so we hooked up again. i don't remember how it happened because i drank too much. we hadn't seen each other in like a month or so, and it didn't really bother me at all that we hooked up. i kinda figured it was going to happen because of how we ended things. but, there in might lie the problem.
so couple days later is valentine's day and my best friends here are throwing a red party. great party. i wore a silly dress that i got in the little kids section of target that was all pink and red and covered in flowers. i had to cut the top of it a little bit so it would fit me, but it was cute. and then the boy and his rather large obnoxious best friend show up. his name is gerrardo. he's always offensive, but in that like big fat guy loud kinda way. i thought he was funny. they are like best friends since forever and i always try to be nice to the friends of whoever it is that i like/am hooking up with. anyway, i don't really talk to the boy much at the party itself. gerrardo asks me if he and danny can crash at my house. i tell him yeah, that's fine, i think there's some open beds and such anyway, so it shouldn't be a big deal. then the night continues, i proceed to drink. i thought i remembered the whole night, but looking back i'm not sure i do. i'm ready to leave and i'm kinda pissed because danny and i really hadn't talked at all during the night and i just get really jealous really easily. not my best quality. so gerrardo is like, annie let's go, and we wait for danny. and then danny follows us down stairs, but just turns the other direction and walks away. so now i'm defintiely not understanding what is going on and why he's walking away and not listening to either gerrardo or i yelling at him. he doesn't answer phone calls. he jsut goes. gerrardo doesn't seem to have much of a problem with this and continues to try to get a cab.
we eventually get a cab and then this is where things get really fuzzy for me. it's five am when we left the party. i don't really knwo what happened, but basically gerrardo tries to hook up with me. at first i think it works, which is really frustrating. but at some point i sort of came to or whatever and realized how fucked up the situation was. i mean, here i am with gerrardo...i am in NO way attracted to him and he's danny's best friend. gerrardo also has a girlfriend. and gerrardo came with me instead of goign with danny and is trying to hook up with me. i realize that i'm naked and he's fully clothed and he's in my bed. and i think at this point i start crying. terrible. i just got so upset because i was so confused.
anyway, that ends that. gerrardo stays. danny continues to not answer either of our phone calls. someone comes to get gerrardo and take him back to sonoma (both boys live in sonoma now, that's why he needed a place to stay). and i keep trying to call danny but his phone is off. then at some point i realize that his phone is on and he's just ignoring me. i left him a message finally that was like...well, i don't really understand what happened last night and i kinda would like to talk to you about it so i'm gonna keep calling you, hopefully you'll answer, etc. no answer no answer.
i end up going out with my friend dave because he has friends in from out of town and we had planned this anyway. so, i text danny when i'm at the bar and he finally responds. and then we get into some weird and annoying text message fight. he was like, well i was never planning on staying at your place considering the situation, but the gerrardo thing was a bit suprising. and so i try to explain how i din't understand what was going on, that i had never planned for gerrardo to be staying with me, how in the end nothing happened and i got upset. he said that since we hooked up the other night but had talked about not hooking up he didn't think it was a good idea for him to come over. and i agreed. but it was just not a good conversation. i dont' know what happened but at some point he just stopped talking to me. i was like, wait are we ok? no response. i called him the next day once and just left a message again just saying that i wanted to clear the air and apologize if i put him in an uncomfortable situation and that i dont' see him very often anymore and i dodn't want it to be weird next time i do. anyway, he never called me back.
so that sucks. because we were actually good friends and now it's all fucked up. and i'm mad at myself, but i'm also mad at him. and i'm really mad at gerrardo...taht's just not cool. i'm mad that he's not talking to me, too, just because i'm trying to handle the situation and at least sort somethings out. i'm also just kinda sad that things had ended well and now they are not good at all. so, like i said, we will see what happens. i'm done contacting him to try to talk about it. i do think i needed something like this to happen in order for me to kinda move on, but still it sucks.
last night i lost my jacket and it has my car keys in it. so that is also going to be quite expensive to figure out. i think i need to either get new keys from the dealership or have a locksmith come out to my car. expensive mistakes!
and then this morning, i woke up late. it was my friend's 30th birthday last night, and i celebrated a little too hard and that's what happened to the jacket. i'm really sad about losing the key chains for some reason. and the car key especially. the jacket sucks too. so frustrating that i do shit like that.
anyway, this morning i wake up and am like eff i need to be at work! so, i throw on some clothes call work and tell them that i will be there shortly and go to catch the bus. the bus had just gone by, so i was waiting and this woman walks up to me and says 'hey, i'm not crazy or weird or anything, but are you goign downtown? do you want a ride?" and i say yes! so then we go to her car and she very conveniently drives me to work. we talk about aids walk and who knows what else, i was still slightly drunk. probably didn't smell too good.
i also have decided that i want to be a math teacher. but i have to take a test for that. and i went to sign up for the test and it's only offered on a few days. the two dates that first look the best, like they will give me plenty of time to prepare, i realize that i'm going to be in new york for aids walk ny and then the other one is the weekend of aids walk san francisco. so i can't do either of those. so i had to sign up for the test that's in three weeks! terrrrible. so now i'm reteaching myself all of the math that i learned in highschool. and stuff that i swear i've never learned before - like the theorems behind all of the problems that i know how to do.
so, it's been a little rough.
so couple days later is valentine's day and my best friends here are throwing a red party. great party. i wore a silly dress that i got in the little kids section of target that was all pink and red and covered in flowers. i had to cut the top of it a little bit so it would fit me, but it was cute. and then the boy and his rather large obnoxious best friend show up. his name is gerrardo. he's always offensive, but in that like big fat guy loud kinda way. i thought he was funny. they are like best friends since forever and i always try to be nice to the friends of whoever it is that i like/am hooking up with. anyway, i don't really talk to the boy much at the party itself. gerrardo asks me if he and danny can crash at my house. i tell him yeah, that's fine, i think there's some open beds and such anyway, so it shouldn't be a big deal. then the night continues, i proceed to drink. i thought i remembered the whole night, but looking back i'm not sure i do. i'm ready to leave and i'm kinda pissed because danny and i really hadn't talked at all during the night and i just get really jealous really easily. not my best quality. so gerrardo is like, annie let's go, and we wait for danny. and then danny follows us down stairs, but just turns the other direction and walks away. so now i'm defintiely not understanding what is going on and why he's walking away and not listening to either gerrardo or i yelling at him. he doesn't answer phone calls. he jsut goes. gerrardo doesn't seem to have much of a problem with this and continues to try to get a cab.
we eventually get a cab and then this is where things get really fuzzy for me. it's five am when we left the party. i don't really knwo what happened, but basically gerrardo tries to hook up with me. at first i think it works, which is really frustrating. but at some point i sort of came to or whatever and realized how fucked up the situation was. i mean, here i am with gerrardo...i am in NO way attracted to him and he's danny's best friend. gerrardo also has a girlfriend. and gerrardo came with me instead of goign with danny and is trying to hook up with me. i realize that i'm naked and he's fully clothed and he's in my bed. and i think at this point i start crying. terrible. i just got so upset because i was so confused.
anyway, that ends that. gerrardo stays. danny continues to not answer either of our phone calls. someone comes to get gerrardo and take him back to sonoma (both boys live in sonoma now, that's why he needed a place to stay). and i keep trying to call danny but his phone is off. then at some point i realize that his phone is on and he's just ignoring me. i left him a message finally that was like...well, i don't really understand what happened last night and i kinda would like to talk to you about it so i'm gonna keep calling you, hopefully you'll answer, etc. no answer no answer.
i end up going out with my friend dave because he has friends in from out of town and we had planned this anyway. so, i text danny when i'm at the bar and he finally responds. and then we get into some weird and annoying text message fight. he was like, well i was never planning on staying at your place considering the situation, but the gerrardo thing was a bit suprising. and so i try to explain how i din't understand what was going on, that i had never planned for gerrardo to be staying with me, how in the end nothing happened and i got upset. he said that since we hooked up the other night but had talked about not hooking up he didn't think it was a good idea for him to come over. and i agreed. but it was just not a good conversation. i dont' know what happened but at some point he just stopped talking to me. i was like, wait are we ok? no response. i called him the next day once and just left a message again just saying that i wanted to clear the air and apologize if i put him in an uncomfortable situation and that i dont' see him very often anymore and i dodn't want it to be weird next time i do. anyway, he never called me back.
so that sucks. because we were actually good friends and now it's all fucked up. and i'm mad at myself, but i'm also mad at him. and i'm really mad at gerrardo...taht's just not cool. i'm mad that he's not talking to me, too, just because i'm trying to handle the situation and at least sort somethings out. i'm also just kinda sad that things had ended well and now they are not good at all. so, like i said, we will see what happens. i'm done contacting him to try to talk about it. i do think i needed something like this to happen in order for me to kinda move on, but still it sucks.
last night i lost my jacket and it has my car keys in it. so that is also going to be quite expensive to figure out. i think i need to either get new keys from the dealership or have a locksmith come out to my car. expensive mistakes!
and then this morning, i woke up late. it was my friend's 30th birthday last night, and i celebrated a little too hard and that's what happened to the jacket. i'm really sad about losing the key chains for some reason. and the car key especially. the jacket sucks too. so frustrating that i do shit like that.
anyway, this morning i wake up and am like eff i need to be at work! so, i throw on some clothes call work and tell them that i will be there shortly and go to catch the bus. the bus had just gone by, so i was waiting and this woman walks up to me and says 'hey, i'm not crazy or weird or anything, but are you goign downtown? do you want a ride?" and i say yes! so then we go to her car and she very conveniently drives me to work. we talk about aids walk and who knows what else, i was still slightly drunk. probably didn't smell too good.
i also have decided that i want to be a math teacher. but i have to take a test for that. and i went to sign up for the test and it's only offered on a few days. the two dates that first look the best, like they will give me plenty of time to prepare, i realize that i'm going to be in new york for aids walk ny and then the other one is the weekend of aids walk san francisco. so i can't do either of those. so i had to sign up for the test that's in three weeks! terrrrible. so now i'm reteaching myself all of the math that i learned in highschool. and stuff that i swear i've never learned before - like the theorems behind all of the problems that i know how to do.
so, it's been a little rough.