(no subject)
omg. i am so tired lately. while work has become less stressful because i have a actual for real qualified manager it's become more stressful because i'm not happy there. i realized about 2 months ago, cinco de mayo weekend down in tijuana to be exact, that i don't really like helping the general public. i don't mind customer service about 10 hours a week but after that it's fucking annoying. i don't want to ask or answer questions about coffee or pastries or anything else. i don't want to ask people to do their jobs and babysit 20 year olds who have no work ethic. so i've been looking for other work. it's stressful and make me anxious but i really can't work in general customer service for much longer. i really like working for starbucks but unless i want to move to seattle there just isn't much for me to do around here.
dan and i are having a wedding in 3 weeks. on a scale of 1-10, 1 being totally unprepared and 10 being very prepared i would say we are at about a 4.5 and it's a little troubling. there's just so much planning. i know it will be fun and worth it and all that but in the meantime it's hard not to focus on feeling too busy and tired. i think about being married and having a ceremony and it's so far from what i would have guessed for my life. it's not that i thought i wouldn't get married, i just didn't think about it. after 5 years part of me is still surprised to be sharing my life with someone so intensely and to be happy about it. i don't think i could have imagined loving someone so much and it feel pretty goddamn wonderful.
do you know what else is wonderful? the sex i'm having with another guy. it took some processing and lots of conversations but it's working out. it still makes me laugh a little bit to think about it. the casual sex part i'm used to but the guy involved is the surprising part. i certainly thought about it before and mildly flirted with him in the past but i couldn't picture what the sex would look like and i did not think i was his type at all. about a month ago he suggested we do it and we've done it a few times since then and it's great. i'm still so surprised at how fun it is to have sex with him and how attracted to him i am. while i know it sounds weird to other folks sleeping with this guy totally makes me crazier about dan. i love having hot playful sex with someone and then leaving to come home to my baby. i think being able to talk about what i need and know that dan trusts me makes me feel really happy and safe.
dan and i are having a wedding in 3 weeks. on a scale of 1-10, 1 being totally unprepared and 10 being very prepared i would say we are at about a 4.5 and it's a little troubling. there's just so much planning. i know it will be fun and worth it and all that but in the meantime it's hard not to focus on feeling too busy and tired. i think about being married and having a ceremony and it's so far from what i would have guessed for my life. it's not that i thought i wouldn't get married, i just didn't think about it. after 5 years part of me is still surprised to be sharing my life with someone so intensely and to be happy about it. i don't think i could have imagined loving someone so much and it feel pretty goddamn wonderful.
do you know what else is wonderful? the sex i'm having with another guy. it took some processing and lots of conversations but it's working out. it still makes me laugh a little bit to think about it. the casual sex part i'm used to but the guy involved is the surprising part. i certainly thought about it before and mildly flirted with him in the past but i couldn't picture what the sex would look like and i did not think i was his type at all. about a month ago he suggested we do it and we've done it a few times since then and it's great. i'm still so surprised at how fun it is to have sex with him and how attracted to him i am. while i know it sounds weird to other folks sleeping with this guy totally makes me crazier about dan. i love having hot playful sex with someone and then leaving to come home to my baby. i think being able to talk about what i need and know that dan trusts me makes me feel really happy and safe.