(no subject)
I received an email from my mom (the one I posted) and it made me laugh out loud and kinda sad at the same time. Jennifer and I did a LOT of talking about our childhood and youth last night and I was realizing that I've never talked to someone outside of my family who said, "yeah, I had some fucked up shit in my life too!" It was intense and really good for me at the same time. I know lots of people grow up broke or in a fucked up family or just have shit happen to them but I don't know those people. So I got that email from my mom and it's funny because she's so serious and just because her phrasing is so different than my own but it made me kinda sad because I think it's the first time she's ever come close to saying "thanks for caring about me" and supporting all of us. I definitely got a congratulations when graduating high school and college (even though she had no idea what my degree was in) but since and before then there's been no acknowledgement of how much I and my sisters have taken care of each other and supported her (the boys in the family got/get regular explicit support and praise). I've always contributed financially to the family and have always done hella cooking, cleaning, and general supporting of everyone-as have most of my sisters. She's just never acknowledged it before. Part of my response to her is, "wtf, mom?! Who do you think has been doing this shit since I was old enough to reach the stove or hold a broom?" I know that these feelings are also about her exclusion of Dan from her's and my family's lives. It's really hard for me to separate feeling demonized and disrespected for my relationship from anything positive she ever says to me. Maybe I'm being unfair or irrational but I just feel like I have nowhere to put this anger and it's been there for a while. Of course my response to her will be anger-free and thankful. Maybe I'll find some way to work in Dan's name...