York athletic directors are BASTARDS
or as my mom would say, stinkin rat bastards :) love it.
my lacrosse team was discontinued at york last week due to some evaluation done by the university sports committee and was very very disheartening. i found out at like 1 in the morning on fridya, which was absolutely awful and innconvenient because i couldnt call anyone without waking a whole house up, and no one was online that late. so i spent until about 3am crying in my room, trying to not wake my parents and just thinking about everything. it was brutal. i lost sleep the whole week before because i was so worried about what was going to happen, i wrote the sports director a personal email at three in the morning expressing how distressed i was and asking to hear their decision. it was like 3 pages long and seriously one of the most heartfelt emails ever, so it was harsh getting shot down so hard. and my coach hasnt exactly been the most gung ho of anyone either, she kind of just accepted it, which pissed me off. haha emily and i were laughing last night saying that after having chris for so long, its hard for playing for anyone else that isnt that passionte and just, lol, amazing. So yes, i didnt get to sleep until liek 3, was also finishing poor heathers grad present for brett because my computer wouldnt read her cd because she burned it as audio, and i felt really bad because she waned to give it to brett pre graduation and there was nothing i could do to get it to her that night, i had to wait until saturday, she said it was no big deal, but i still felt really bad about it. i overplan stuff so much and i hate it when everything doesnt go down right, so sorry heather! but i tried my hardest!
anyways, so graduation was on saturday morning and mr warner recognised the lacrosse team, which was one of the most refreshing moments, it really was. we never got any recognition like that when we won, which is okay, but i was so happy to see the girls get it in front of all of those people, it was really amazing, we were the only ones. delayed gratification is still gratification, and the fact that he thought of them, and my senior girls as well, was a great great feeling. we went to eat at grotto after graduaton which was nice, i was so tired tho and just wsnt in the eating kind of mood
when we got home i left a message on my comp so mil would knew what happened, since i was out with cait and she knew. i spent the whol time since friday with that haunting "i feel so overwhelmingly defeated,tired /uneasy i cant get the nauseous feeling out of my stomach/consantly on the verge of breaking down in tears feeling. and when i got home there were two lacrosse games on tv that i just wanted to sit, quietly and watch.
we didnt get the effing channel.
i was already in my pajamas and grabbed my lax blanket and keys and just yelled "bye i am going to caitlins" and didnt comme back until 5. i needed to sleep by then and took a nap that lasted til 1130. millie had called to check on me so i called her back and i got flashbacks of senior year. all before this all she had done was tell me that, ya know, everything will work out etc etc and was amazing, and i just got this memory of my calling her when she didnt get in to stanford to make sure she was allright and i was just kind of liek ...this is how she probably felt. this ..really sucks. so hats off to you babe, you remind me that the land known as "hell: redefined" can be survived...look at u now :)
so that was a great phonecall. calmed me down a little even though i couldnt really stop myself from starting to cry. then i went to sleep again and woke up at liek 130pm. i slept liek 20 hrs, i think i was just so ugh mentally and emotionally exhausted, i just didnt want to be awake for a while.
and i know that i really shouldnt be complaining. things could be a whole lot worse. i had an amazing time in highschool playing that most people in the world didnt get to have, and had amazing teammates, coaches, parents, and not to mention, record. but UGH. i just...i want it to be easy. i get breaks, i always get breaks and i know it, but it still has never made anything easy. growing up wasnt easy, growing up STILL isnt easy. school isnt easy, and accomplishing somethign and making my life work the closest to what i want is anything BUT easy. and having a team set up, with everything taken of was so ridiculously refreshing. all i had to do was play my heart out, and i did. for once i had something easy. yeah thats gone at the moment and, yeah, its just so hard. ughhh repeating to self : just be freaking grateful! its just not getting anywhere.
moving on. i went to go visit emily staff last night and just ended up talking with her for like 3 hours, i miss talking to her about all the frivolous little things in life. she wanted to know everything as did i, so we just sent the night telling stories and showing pictures of all the people we met. she wanted to hear everything about julian, and i realise that i left out liek EVERYTHING!! but, ah, i love her. shes one of the few people that when i was up there, liek every couple of days i actually said to him, oh my god, i want you to meet my friend emily so much, you have to, she would just love you. so it was so ridiculously wonderful being able to just stay up and talk to her til the wee hours about anythign and everything.
so today we went to the wallis's for memorial day with the smullens, millers, ericksons, guinns, and canters. was fun, nice and relaxing. get to go putt putt golfing with millie tomoro, haha omg will THAT be interesting lol.
so yeah...thats all the rambling i have for now.....
"that's life
thats what all the people say.
youre riding high in april,
shot down in may
but i know im gonna change that tune
when im back on top, back on top in june
thats life,
and as funny as it may seem
some people get their kicks stopping on a dream
but i dont let it get me down
because this fine old world keeps spinning around
ive been a puppet a pauper a pirate a poet a pawn and a king
ive been up and down and over and out and i know one thing
each time i find myself flat on my face
i pick myself up and get back in the race
thats life,
i tell you, i cant deny it
i thought of quitting
but my heart just aint gonna buy it
and if i didnt think it wasnt worth one single try
id jump right on a big bird and then id fly"
"thats life" - i love frank sinatra so much. he and natalie cole, some of my all time favourites. i could listen to them for hours and just sing...
sigh...
my lacrosse team was discontinued at york last week due to some evaluation done by the university sports committee and was very very disheartening. i found out at like 1 in the morning on fridya, which was absolutely awful and innconvenient because i couldnt call anyone without waking a whole house up, and no one was online that late. so i spent until about 3am crying in my room, trying to not wake my parents and just thinking about everything. it was brutal. i lost sleep the whole week before because i was so worried about what was going to happen, i wrote the sports director a personal email at three in the morning expressing how distressed i was and asking to hear their decision. it was like 3 pages long and seriously one of the most heartfelt emails ever, so it was harsh getting shot down so hard. and my coach hasnt exactly been the most gung ho of anyone either, she kind of just accepted it, which pissed me off. haha emily and i were laughing last night saying that after having chris for so long, its hard for playing for anyone else that isnt that passionte and just, lol, amazing. So yes, i didnt get to sleep until liek 3, was also finishing poor heathers grad present for brett because my computer wouldnt read her cd because she burned it as audio, and i felt really bad because she waned to give it to brett pre graduation and there was nothing i could do to get it to her that night, i had to wait until saturday, she said it was no big deal, but i still felt really bad about it. i overplan stuff so much and i hate it when everything doesnt go down right, so sorry heather! but i tried my hardest!
anyways, so graduation was on saturday morning and mr warner recognised the lacrosse team, which was one of the most refreshing moments, it really was. we never got any recognition like that when we won, which is okay, but i was so happy to see the girls get it in front of all of those people, it was really amazing, we were the only ones. delayed gratification is still gratification, and the fact that he thought of them, and my senior girls as well, was a great great feeling. we went to eat at grotto after graduaton which was nice, i was so tired tho and just wsnt in the eating kind of mood
when we got home i left a message on my comp so mil would knew what happened, since i was out with cait and she knew. i spent the whol time since friday with that haunting "i feel so overwhelmingly defeated,tired /uneasy i cant get the nauseous feeling out of my stomach/consantly on the verge of breaking down in tears feeling. and when i got home there were two lacrosse games on tv that i just wanted to sit, quietly and watch.
we didnt get the effing channel.
i was already in my pajamas and grabbed my lax blanket and keys and just yelled "bye i am going to caitlins" and didnt comme back until 5. i needed to sleep by then and took a nap that lasted til 1130. millie had called to check on me so i called her back and i got flashbacks of senior year. all before this all she had done was tell me that, ya know, everything will work out etc etc and was amazing, and i just got this memory of my calling her when she didnt get in to stanford to make sure she was allright and i was just kind of liek ...this is how she probably felt. this ..really sucks. so hats off to you babe, you remind me that the land known as "hell: redefined" can be survived...look at u now :)
so that was a great phonecall. calmed me down a little even though i couldnt really stop myself from starting to cry. then i went to sleep again and woke up at liek 130pm. i slept liek 20 hrs, i think i was just so ugh mentally and emotionally exhausted, i just didnt want to be awake for a while.
and i know that i really shouldnt be complaining. things could be a whole lot worse. i had an amazing time in highschool playing that most people in the world didnt get to have, and had amazing teammates, coaches, parents, and not to mention, record. but UGH. i just...i want it to be easy. i get breaks, i always get breaks and i know it, but it still has never made anything easy. growing up wasnt easy, growing up STILL isnt easy. school isnt easy, and accomplishing somethign and making my life work the closest to what i want is anything BUT easy. and having a team set up, with everything taken of was so ridiculously refreshing. all i had to do was play my heart out, and i did. for once i had something easy. yeah thats gone at the moment and, yeah, its just so hard. ughhh repeating to self : just be freaking grateful! its just not getting anywhere.
moving on. i went to go visit emily staff last night and just ended up talking with her for like 3 hours, i miss talking to her about all the frivolous little things in life. she wanted to know everything as did i, so we just sent the night telling stories and showing pictures of all the people we met. she wanted to hear everything about julian, and i realise that i left out liek EVERYTHING!! but, ah, i love her. shes one of the few people that when i was up there, liek every couple of days i actually said to him, oh my god, i want you to meet my friend emily so much, you have to, she would just love you. so it was so ridiculously wonderful being able to just stay up and talk to her til the wee hours about anythign and everything.
so today we went to the wallis's for memorial day with the smullens, millers, ericksons, guinns, and canters. was fun, nice and relaxing. get to go putt putt golfing with millie tomoro, haha omg will THAT be interesting lol.
so yeah...thats all the rambling i have for now.....
"that's life
thats what all the people say.
youre riding high in april,
shot down in may
but i know im gonna change that tune
when im back on top, back on top in june
thats life,
and as funny as it may seem
some people get their kicks stopping on a dream
but i dont let it get me down
because this fine old world keeps spinning around
ive been a puppet a pauper a pirate a poet a pawn and a king
ive been up and down and over and out and i know one thing
each time i find myself flat on my face
i pick myself up and get back in the race
thats life,
i tell you, i cant deny it
i thought of quitting
but my heart just aint gonna buy it
and if i didnt think it wasnt worth one single try
id jump right on a big bird and then id fly"
"thats life" - i love frank sinatra so much. he and natalie cole, some of my all time favourites. i could listen to them for hours and just sing...
sigh...