the only speeding i do is the drug kind, but without the "ing" part. kidding.
A few weeks ago, I got a speeding ticket.
Remember that time I said,
"I don't speed, but I never wear my seatbelt, so I'm fucked regardless?"
No? Well, it's linked here for your reading pleasure, if you so desire to indulge.
(Which you won't, but that's totally cool with me..)
But anyway, it's still true.
"What?" you ask me, "But you just said-"
I know what I said, thank you very much.
And it still stands that I do not speed.
I know what you're thinking,
How'd you possibly get a ticket for speeding if you don't speed?
Well, here's the story:
I'm driving along, probably going about 74 or so in a 70.
(I know, technically that's speeding, but seriously, it's not really speeding.)
Anyway,
it's like 3 in the morning or something and there aren't any other cars on the road,
so I really have no point of reference.
Well, all of a sudden, I see a random car pull out right behind one of the bridges and turn on it's lights.
I look down at my speedometer: "73"
Ok, I think, maybe he thinks I'm drunk?
That would really suck,
because then I'm going to have to go get out of my car
and do the whole sobriety test
and I haven't had a single thing to drink.
(Which, by the way, has happened to me in the past.)
I pull over and put on my seatbelt really fast.
(I told you I don't wear it...)
and he walks up next to my car.
"Miss, do you know how fast you were going?"
"My speedometer said 73, sir."
"Well, I think you need to get that checked out, or stop lying to me."
"The first option sounds like my best choice."
"Can I see you license and registration?"
"Of course."
He goes back to his shitty Chevy Lumina cop car while I sit there and steam.
Is he pulling one over on me?
Goddamn.
Maybe I do need to get my speedometer checked out.
Fuck.
And then he issues me a ticket, tells me to drive safe, and says goodnight.
I drive off, wondering if I'm going the correct speed limit.
So I go 60, just in case.
And for the record, this is a relatively new car to me.
It's a 2000 VW Jetta, but I've only had it since the end of April,
which is about 5 months or so and I would've thought that I'd have noticed that my speedometer was off by now.
But, maybe I'm just dense.
Which is a distinct possibility.
Also, this got me thinking,
I wonder if cops ever stop a drunk driver or a speeder and then come up to the car and realize it's an ex-girlfriend.
Wouldn't that be awesome?
I'm sure they'd just think,
Hell yeah motherfucker, you cheated on me and now you've got jailtime for a DUI.
Karma's a bitch.
That'd be awesome for them.
And I'm pretty sure it'd be my only motivation for ever wanting to be a cop.
That and I'd get to carry a gun and feel badass.
But since I have so many urges to gun down everyone in the room,
I don't think it'd be very safe.
And for the record,
it's really hard to type when you have a small orange fuzzball named Pumpkin in your lap who likes to attack your moving fingers. Half the time, I'm holding him back with one hand while I'm typing with the other. This takes talent, folks. And it's not a talent I have, but it is one I can see myself acquiring here in the near future.