Jun 08, 2006 22:41
I've been writing a lot lately. In fact, I was inspired by someone the other day, who said that he was going to set aside a little bit of time every day specifically for writing. I am trying to do the same! I've been doing pretty good for the past 5 days, writing little bits here and there. But I'm realizing that a lot of my recent stuff is pretty negative, totally depressing. It all seems to be about people lying, or people I miss from my past. Why can't I write about pleasant things? Even if I write about love (which I try not to) it always turns out bitter. EVEN when I write about someone I've recently been in-love with, and am still over the moon with affection for them - it still comes across as negative. Have I become that jaded? I mean, it's public knowledge that I'm a bit bitter about it all, but it's never been as strong as it seems now.
How do I erase the bitterness and negativity? I can't just make myself automatically trust the person I love, it's not that easy! It's just that I've discovered that love is not the be all and end all human existence - all it took was a few broken hearts and some unrequited affection to get me to this point. So how do I convince myself that love/relationships are a *good* thing? I get scared when I start feeling something for someone, and then I end up regretting running away. And the times I didn't get sacred and went for it, where the times when I got the most hurt.
So maybe that's just it. I'll just stay clear from it forever. I'll tell my dad to arrange a marriage for me (I long to hear those words "A marriage has been arranged")...
ANYWAYS. Yes, my writing is lacking a certain finesse - that comes only from real happiness, which I haven't experienced in a loooong time. Although, I did come close a few days ago while I was laying next to someone, feeling scared, anxious, excited, dreamy, nervous, with the sun pouring over our legs.
Still, writing = sad.