Today was a waking nightmare.
This whole day has been so dreamlike. Last night, I couldn't sleep at all (after spending 14 hours writing my paper and 4 hours at Magic club), and it was stifling hot in my room, so after lying in bed until about 4 am I finally moved into Steve's room to sleep. Even then, I was so zoned I could barely think. Anyway, I fell into a fitful sleep and woke up at 10 when Steve came in to work on his paper.
I was so relieved to be done with my term paper (which ended up being 16 pages). I got up and crawled back into my own bed, where I lay for several hours in quiet appreciation of the day off. At about noon, when I was happily playing video games, it occured to me that I should check to see where my finals were. Today was the first day of finals, but when I checked a few weeks ago, I didn't have any finals until next week.
Well, something changed. Because the Japanese final I *thought* was on Tuesday... that was in my calendar as 8 am Tuesday... in my ipod as 8 am Tuesday... on my computer as 8 am Tuesday... turned out to be, in reality, at 1:30 pm on Friday, May 9th.
Fuck. Me.
I ran into Steve's room, utterly panicked, but thankfully he kept his head and said, "Go study. Don't shower, don't say anything else, just go study." Now, this exam was going to be my hardest one. I had over 100 kanji to memorize. I had two chapters' worth of vocabulary to review. I had to find someone to help me with some of the more complex grammar constructions. I was planning on doing it over the weekend. Suddenly, I had less than an hour. I did what I could... but I was so freaked out, so scared, that all I could think about was how fucked I was. I crammed the vocab and wrote as many kanji as I could all over my arm and hand, then had to run to the final (in a long sleeved shirt to hide my shameless cheating) in the hottest, most humid day we've had this year. I was a sweat monster when I got there. It felt so awful, looking around at everyone else who was so calm and prepared... and I was a wreck. Unshowered, barely dressed, sweaty and disgusting with ink melting all over my arm.
Needless to say, it was disasterous. I couldn't even use my improvised cheat sheet because the teacher chose my desk, out of the whole auditorium, to stand next to, for the entire duration of the exam. I didn't know any of the grammar, I didn't know the phrases, I knew approximately half of the kanji... thankfully I knew the vocab pretty well so I was able to scrape by on the comprehension sections.
I know that it's not really all *that* bad... and that I'm being melodramatic... but I've had actual nightmares about this sort of thing. I still can't really believe it happened... I feel like I might wake up tomorrow and think the whole thing was just a bad dream, my unconscious trying to warn me that I was wrong about the exam time. Bad things just don't... happen to me like this. I get myself into scrapes, sure, but they always turn out okay. This... didn't. I kept waiting for it to... but it didn't.
...sigh...
Now I'm feeling this weird emptiness. I was expecting to spend three days studying for that exam, and now I have almost five free days before my next one. Guess I shouldn't complain, huh? I think I just need a little time, and some good sleep, to let my brain recover from writing papers, and hopefully I'll be able to deal with my other two exams easily. Then, I'll be done for a whole summer, and I can focus on my friends, my family, my job, my hobbies and myself for a while.
Anyway, speaking of rest, I think I'm going to crawl back into bed now. I expect to emerge again about... mmm... Sunday-ish. I should be feeling myself again.
Some quick shoutouts before I go:
Dan: Thanks for staying in my room for a while today. I really didn't want to leave my bed, and it was comforting to have a friend come visit for a while, even though I was being boring.
Sarah E.: Love you, miss you! I'll be on AIM a lot more after finals... I swear... bleh :( Have you played the cactuar mini game in FFX yet? I think it's the cutest damn thing ever. I like how they all have Spanish names.
Japanese final: I'll show you what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass.
I was so relieved to be done with my term paper (which ended up being 16 pages). I got up and crawled back into my own bed, where I lay for several hours in quiet appreciation of the day off. At about noon, when I was happily playing video games, it occured to me that I should check to see where my finals were. Today was the first day of finals, but when I checked a few weeks ago, I didn't have any finals until next week.
Well, something changed. Because the Japanese final I *thought* was on Tuesday... that was in my calendar as 8 am Tuesday... in my ipod as 8 am Tuesday... on my computer as 8 am Tuesday... turned out to be, in reality, at 1:30 pm on Friday, May 9th.
Fuck. Me.
I ran into Steve's room, utterly panicked, but thankfully he kept his head and said, "Go study. Don't shower, don't say anything else, just go study." Now, this exam was going to be my hardest one. I had over 100 kanji to memorize. I had two chapters' worth of vocabulary to review. I had to find someone to help me with some of the more complex grammar constructions. I was planning on doing it over the weekend. Suddenly, I had less than an hour. I did what I could... but I was so freaked out, so scared, that all I could think about was how fucked I was. I crammed the vocab and wrote as many kanji as I could all over my arm and hand, then had to run to the final (in a long sleeved shirt to hide my shameless cheating) in the hottest, most humid day we've had this year. I was a sweat monster when I got there. It felt so awful, looking around at everyone else who was so calm and prepared... and I was a wreck. Unshowered, barely dressed, sweaty and disgusting with ink melting all over my arm.
Needless to say, it was disasterous. I couldn't even use my improvised cheat sheet because the teacher chose my desk, out of the whole auditorium, to stand next to, for the entire duration of the exam. I didn't know any of the grammar, I didn't know the phrases, I knew approximately half of the kanji... thankfully I knew the vocab pretty well so I was able to scrape by on the comprehension sections.
I know that it's not really all *that* bad... and that I'm being melodramatic... but I've had actual nightmares about this sort of thing. I still can't really believe it happened... I feel like I might wake up tomorrow and think the whole thing was just a bad dream, my unconscious trying to warn me that I was wrong about the exam time. Bad things just don't... happen to me like this. I get myself into scrapes, sure, but they always turn out okay. This... didn't. I kept waiting for it to... but it didn't.
...sigh...
Now I'm feeling this weird emptiness. I was expecting to spend three days studying for that exam, and now I have almost five free days before my next one. Guess I shouldn't complain, huh? I think I just need a little time, and some good sleep, to let my brain recover from writing papers, and hopefully I'll be able to deal with my other two exams easily. Then, I'll be done for a whole summer, and I can focus on my friends, my family, my job, my hobbies and myself for a while.
Anyway, speaking of rest, I think I'm going to crawl back into bed now. I expect to emerge again about... mmm... Sunday-ish. I should be feeling myself again.
Some quick shoutouts before I go:
Dan: Thanks for staying in my room for a while today. I really didn't want to leave my bed, and it was comforting to have a friend come visit for a while, even though I was being boring.
Sarah E.: Love you, miss you! I'll be on AIM a lot more after finals... I swear... bleh :( Have you played the cactuar mini game in FFX yet? I think it's the cutest damn thing ever. I like how they all have Spanish names.
Japanese final: I'll show you what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass.