partial Body of Lies commentary (August 2010)
Soooo. Uhhh. Apparently once I set out to do a commentary on Body of Lies. And, well, first of all, I'll warn you right now that I only got 51 minutes in (according to the timestamp I wrote down). And second, I just. I have no idea what I was on. But I was telling scrap about it, and she said I should post it, and I feel like there are others who would appreciate it. So I guess merry Christmas? (I hope the formatting works with LJ, 'cause I'ma be honest, I'm too lazy to fix it if it's wrong.)
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August 31, 2010
By popular demand, aka because firestorm mentioned it, I'm here with my thoughts on Body of Lies! How should I do this? Fuck if I know, self. Well thanks, self, that's very helpful. I'll just watch the movie and type shit, I guess.
Wooooo logos. That WB logo doesn't look right. Looks like the metal is like... liquid. For a second. Oh but this one. Dude runs around and and TURNS INTO A BIRD?! WHAT?! AWESOME. W.H. Auden. Wassup.
I do love his hat. Terrorist leader dude. I should know his name. He works the hat. Hey, anyone else think these terrorist dudes are all totally gangbanging? Just sayin'. Also, ILU random Sikh milkman. So pointlessly awesome with the whistling. Aaaand KABOOM! BAM! POW! KERPLOOEY! First time I watched this movie, I was expecting to be eased into it. Nope. Less than three minutes in and about thirty people are dead.
Woooo Iraq. Fuck yes. Unf. Roger. You're totally rockin' the jeans, honey. HOFFMAN. NARRATING. ILU Hoffman. He's tired and can't see the end. He so desperately wants to regain whatever he and Roger used to share, but he just doesn't know how to do that. Awww. I ship them so hard. Hey. Bowl of pears. I want a pear.
Roger. About the whole blowing your gun thing. LOL. You are a very kinky man. Dundunduuuun it's CAPTAIN PARANOIA! Oh Ed. You know he was that kid in school who got bumped into in the hall, and next thing you know he's reporting you for sexual harassment. Drama queen, that man.
Is it weird that I find Roger folding socks strangely adorable? Grrrr. Old people look at Ed with stern expressions. Grrrrr. “See what's changed... IS THAT ROGER WILL NO LONGER SUCK MY I mean THAT OUR ENEMY IS GETTING SMARTER. YEAH. THAT.”
Fuck yes. Leo, rockin' the caveman look. Bassam! The first time I watched, I was ready to ship them to the end. T-T Nooooo Bassam! I love his hair though. Good handle for Roger. Roger. Stop giving Bassam bedroom eyes while suggestively sipping your beer. His kid's in the next room. LOL Bassam plays both sides. He's bi. Mature Anneka is mature.
EYE IN THE SKY. It's its own character, really. I bet ya Hoffman sneaks in at night to try to get a peek into Roger's bedroom with it. Also, this is how you do support, guys. “FUCK THAT SHIT, I'LL SHOOT YOU RIGHT NOW. PUSSY. WHO'S SCARED OF GETTING THEIR HEAD CUT OFF ON THE INTERNET, MAN?” Also. I love lawyer.
And Hoffman. Probs all like *facepalm* I DIDN'T MEAN TO RUIN HIS MARRIAGE just offscreen. LOL orange. Also dude has a talented tongue. :) Dude's all sobbing and Roger's just like *noms orange*. Sensitivity, guys. UHOH. UHOH. THE SUNGLASSES CAME OFF. BITCH BETTER STEP OFF. Wut. Guys. I am like. IDEK what I'm on, but it is powerful.
Dude's all TERRORIST SPEECH but first my tea.
Awww. Roger calling Hoffman “sir” and “captain”. Hoffman. ILU in your bathrobe eating cereal on the boat at six in the morning. So fucking random. GTFO beard, Ed is talking to his boyfriend. Snubbed. Rejected. Burned. That's what you get for having a vagina, lady.
Is it weird that I think Ed's neck is just. Intensely sexy? Soft curves, smooth, so you can see the bone structure but like... idk. Soft. And aw. Roger. Gotta compose yourself after talking to Hoffman.
Lulz. Bassam all GTF OFF MY BOYFRIEND and Roger all GTF OFF MY BOYFRIEND and dude like WUT SUDDENLY IN THE MIDDLE OF A GAY CATFIGHT?! They can too protect themselves. They use condoms! So should you, kids.
Ed. Sweety. Stop eavesdropping. It's adorable, but very sketchy. Quite creeper. Also, he totally takes that wiretap shit home and just sits on his bed jerking off to Roger reading Bassam the grocery list or something. Unf.
Ed! Ed! Knowing what Roger did, gotta check on him, a little concerned, so so so CUTE! Also. His quiet voice. The gravelly thing. Unf. Unf. Unf. LOL milked him. Penis. Awwww all worried Roger's gonna get himself killed. Ah, fire? He just called him “Ferris”. About eighteen minutes in. AND THEN BUDDY. :D Oh and again. And again.
Roger's like *sneak sneak sneak*. Lulz. CD burning. Heh. Awww I love how much trust Bassam and Roger share. So sweet. Till death do them part. In about five minutes. T-T
Btw. Why why why why why would you send the white dude in to play Arab? Why wouldn't you send in the uh... Arab? Just sayin'. Aw. Bassam's got his back! Bassam, Bassam, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE? T-T BOOM! Helicopters cruising in over the mountains, and I've got the M*A*S*H theme playing in my head. Awww there needs to be fic about the burns Roger must've just gotten on his hands. Maybe someone licking them. Just because yes.
Awwww Bassam! Bassam! You you you don't even know but you're about to about to NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! T-T That shot of Bassam right during the explosion. Ouch. That's just so SAD! Also. Wanna bet that “I can't, he's in pieces!” dude is gonna have nightmares tonight?
T-T Bassam bits. Sadness. Also, I love the way that's said. Just. “Not yours” telling you SO. FUCKING. MUCH. And Hoffman calls him Ferris again, fire. I enjoy Ed sitting all alone in the cafeteria. Awwww and Ed was jealous of Bassam. AND OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMOMGOMGOGMOGMOGMOGMOMGOMGOGMOGMOGMG THEY SAID HANI'S NAME! THEY SAID HANI'S NAME! HANI'S GONNA SHOW UP SOON! HANI HANI HANI HANI HANI!
Ouch. Bang the wife. Know more about it than I do. So much history. I just.
Also. “I'll call you later” sounds so suddenly tender and sweet.
And Roger. Sweety. About saving that bone fragment. Just cannot be healthy. Or hygenic.
Fuck yes. Check out those palm trees. Shit looks like Rodeo Drive, only ghetto-er. Also. Skip. You fail. You have always been a failure, and you will always be a failure. You've disappointed everyone you've ever loved. But I still love your hair.
That vase is so random. A whole screen of blue and grey tones, and then. That random-ass vase. It's like it's a plot point. But it's not. It's a fuckin' vase.
This guy? Also a failure. But he doesn't have the sweet hair like Skip does. Also, sir. Stop pretending you're a BAMF. You cannot even compete. Please stop embarrassing yourself. Skip's all MOMMY, DADDY, PLEASE DON'T FIGHT! Daddy's about to get his ass kicked out. That's right. Roger's the mommy. Because he has sass. And ass. Ass. <3 Unf. I feel like I just channeled Ed. And Hani. .lgdnalig;NG HANI'S GONNA SHOW UP REALLY SOOOOOON!
Awwwww I feel like it's a lot more than shit that Ed's stolen from Roger. Like his marriage. Or his innocence. OR HIS HEART! *sniff*
MARWAN IN THE HOUSE! G;lhandslgn;jalb ,k.SNgLHSALGBH;dghkb;njifzvn;aisdgthsaihg;DHGgn HANI HANI HANI HANI HANI HANI HANI HANI HANI HANI HANI HANI HANIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! LOL if you heard he liked blowjobs would you use those? Answer: yes. Also. Mark. With the eyefucking. RAPE. RAPE. THAT IS A RAPE POSE.
LOL also. “You have experience of this, I am sure.” I like to imagine Hani's implying Roger's been on the receiving end of some pretty hardcore sexual torture. Hurr hurrrrrrrr. *lady boner*
LOL Hani like. Failed. Right there. “So you are a secret Arab.” Roger goes from *respect~* to ...wtf? Also. I feel like Roger's having to explain like. “I'm not your ex, Hani. I'm me. ...while we're at it, I'm not MY ex, since we've both fucked him.”
UNF. NEVER LIE TO ME. MY DEAR. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I UNNNNNNNNNF.
Aw. And Ed. Watching. Keeping an eye on things. All concerned. And Roger. Rockin' the TOTALLY NOT OBVIOUS DISGUISE, GUYS. LOL and Skip. Again. You fail at everything ever. This includes spotting security guys. Skip is like the Chuck Norris of being a failure. Only not. Because being the Chuck Norris of something is unfail. And Skip embodies fail.
OH ED. “Whoops.” SO MUCH IN THAT. That's not just *yawn* OOPSIES. That's like “...OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!” Ed is like SHIT, SON, I WAS TRYING TO HELP BUDDY OUT! GODDAMMIT! I need to write more Hoffman ficcage. IDEK. GTFO my brain, Ed. Awwww puppies OH DEAR GOD GET THEM OFF OF MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! :D
Aw wait. Skip doesn't fail at picking you up in the car. He's a non-fail chauffeur. Holy shit. Did I just spell that right? Fuck yes. I rule.
Urgh. Awkward, painfully contrived het romance? GTFO MY LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE. Aisha. Urgh. Die. Or don't die. You aren't THAT annoying. But GTFO. Aisha's all like “...snowboarding. -.- Ahuh.”
Ugh. GTFO HEEEEET. Thinking about Hoffman instead. Ed. Ed. Ed's neck. I like Ed's neck. Unsettled, give me neck kink.
YES. ED *IS* A COCKSUCKER. UNF. UNFFFFFFFFFFFF. UNFUNFUNFUNFUNF. I JUST. UNF. And aw. “I love you. Bye,” to son is just so sweet and sad! Awww and then. Buddy leaves to go talk to Hani. And Ed's like DAUGHTER. GIVE ME ATTENTION. And she's all WHATEVS. And he's like SADNESS.
HANI. SMOKING. UNF. YOU WORK THAT CIGARETTE, MARK. YOUWORK IT LIKE HANS WITH A DILDO. OR LEO.
Hey guys? Let's get some Mark/Leo RPS up in here. It'd be so fuckin' hot.
UNF. VIOLENCE KINK. LOVES WHIPPING. UNFUNFUNFUNFUNF. AND HANI. ALL COOL. TOTALLY FAPPING BEHIND ROGER RIGHT NOW. Roger all ERM. ABOUT THAT. And Hani all HURRHURRHURR KEEP WATCHING 8D
And Hani calling him “Edward” just. It validates my Hani/Hoffman shippage.
And. Random Netherlands scene. Heh. People in other countries take soccer seriously. LOL. Also, ILU hilarious Asian tourist couple! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! POW! CRASH! KERSMASH!
Roger all TYIN' MAH SHOES, WATCHIN' TV. Hani all BITCH, COME DO MY CUFFS. WATCHIN' TV. Hani's wife has such a key role in his life. Terrorist leader dude all LOLOLOLOLOLOL THAT WAS ME YOU GUYS. Also. His hat looks like a condom. But for his head.
GOING FISHING GOING FISHING HANI JUST NAMEDROPPED US, GUYS!
WE! WE! WE! DAWWWWWWWWW! WE! Long as we keep it between us BECAUSE MY EX IS KIND OF A CREEPER AND STALKS ME WITH AN EYE IN THE SKY AND JERKS OFF TO IT.
“Watch and learn, my dear. Watch and learn.” That's my away message right now. Heh. Hi fire. I'm IMing you like right now.
Hani. With the hair. The hair. I want to play with it. I want to pet it. I want to have sex with it. It is just so damn gorgeous. Like Mark. And Mark's eyes. And Mark's voice. And Mark's accents. And just. Unf. Unf. Unf.
AND DUDE. WANTS TO SUCK HANI'S COCK. AND LOOK AT ROGER. HE TOTALLY JUST ALMOST SMILED AT IT BEFORE HE CAUGHT HIMSELF. BECAUSE HE WAS THINKING “MAN, THAT'D BE HOT. I WANNA SUCK HANI'S CO-- WHOA. ROGER. STEADY.” AND HANI MAKES ME LIVE MY LIFE IN CAPSLOCK, GUYS.
LOL I enjoy that he uses a “throw him back into the sea” metaphor in the middle of a bigass desert. And Roger. Totes staring at Hani's lips.
And Ed! All *jealousy* And awww. Anyone else think Ed was trying to surprise Roger with a romantic candlelit dinner? *sniffle* LOL. “Couple bottles of that and we'll be speaking Babylonian.” BECAUSE THE BABYLONIANS ALWAYS USED TO TALK LIKE THEY WERE CUMMING. 'CAUSE. 'CAUSE. THERE'S GONNA BE SEX, GUYS. GET IT?
So awkward. Small talk. And then. Roger opening the wine, and a sudden cut. BECAUSE SEX OCCURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRS!
“If you're not thinkin' about pussy, you're just not concentrating, my dear.” That. Pausing movie to think on that. Because it's so gorgeous and perfect and brilliant. Not thinking about pussy, Ed tries his best not to think about Roger but he just can't manage it, he broke up Roger's marriage when Roger stopped thinking about pussy and started thinking about Ed, Aisha's just not even remotely right for Roger, idekkkkk, and then the “my dear” all HARSH and just Ed's PISSED. OFF. about this Hani/Roger business and he's just being a BITCH about it and Roger's like CHILL, MAN and just asdlign;aodigh;GBALSD;NIG;FndsgNDGjng; RIGHT RESUMING MOVIE.
LOL Roger like “My boyfriend and my ex are glaring at each other. AWK-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD.” And then “Karumi. Katumi.” Roger all *eyeroll* DUDE. KARAMI. JACKASS.
And just. Just. This whole scene. I could totes see it turning into an orgy very quickly. “Edward”. “The king”. “Your highness”. “I want control.” I just. SO MUCH UST! SO MUCH!
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August 31, 2010
By popular demand, aka because firestorm mentioned it, I'm here with my thoughts on Body of Lies! How should I do this? Fuck if I know, self. Well thanks, self, that's very helpful. I'll just watch the movie and type shit, I guess.
Wooooo logos. That WB logo doesn't look right. Looks like the metal is like... liquid. For a second. Oh but this one. Dude runs around and and TURNS INTO A BIRD?! WHAT?! AWESOME. W.H. Auden. Wassup.
I do love his hat. Terrorist leader dude. I should know his name. He works the hat. Hey, anyone else think these terrorist dudes are all totally gangbanging? Just sayin'. Also, ILU random Sikh milkman. So pointlessly awesome with the whistling. Aaaand KABOOM! BAM! POW! KERPLOOEY! First time I watched this movie, I was expecting to be eased into it. Nope. Less than three minutes in and about thirty people are dead.
Woooo Iraq. Fuck yes. Unf. Roger. You're totally rockin' the jeans, honey. HOFFMAN. NARRATING. ILU Hoffman. He's tired and can't see the end. He so desperately wants to regain whatever he and Roger used to share, but he just doesn't know how to do that. Awww. I ship them so hard. Hey. Bowl of pears. I want a pear.
Roger. About the whole blowing your gun thing. LOL. You are a very kinky man. Dundunduuuun it's CAPTAIN PARANOIA! Oh Ed. You know he was that kid in school who got bumped into in the hall, and next thing you know he's reporting you for sexual harassment. Drama queen, that man.
Is it weird that I find Roger folding socks strangely adorable? Grrrr. Old people look at Ed with stern expressions. Grrrrr. “See what's changed... IS THAT ROGER WILL NO LONGER SUCK MY I mean THAT OUR ENEMY IS GETTING SMARTER. YEAH. THAT.”
Fuck yes. Leo, rockin' the caveman look. Bassam! The first time I watched, I was ready to ship them to the end. T-T Nooooo Bassam! I love his hair though. Good handle for Roger. Roger. Stop giving Bassam bedroom eyes while suggestively sipping your beer. His kid's in the next room. LOL Bassam plays both sides. He's bi. Mature Anneka is mature.
EYE IN THE SKY. It's its own character, really. I bet ya Hoffman sneaks in at night to try to get a peek into Roger's bedroom with it. Also, this is how you do support, guys. “FUCK THAT SHIT, I'LL SHOOT YOU RIGHT NOW. PUSSY. WHO'S SCARED OF GETTING THEIR HEAD CUT OFF ON THE INTERNET, MAN?” Also. I love lawyer.
And Hoffman. Probs all like *facepalm* I DIDN'T MEAN TO RUIN HIS MARRIAGE just offscreen. LOL orange. Also dude has a talented tongue. :) Dude's all sobbing and Roger's just like *noms orange*. Sensitivity, guys. UHOH. UHOH. THE SUNGLASSES CAME OFF. BITCH BETTER STEP OFF. Wut. Guys. I am like. IDEK what I'm on, but it is powerful.
Dude's all TERRORIST SPEECH but first my tea.
Awww. Roger calling Hoffman “sir” and “captain”. Hoffman. ILU in your bathrobe eating cereal on the boat at six in the morning. So fucking random. GTFO beard, Ed is talking to his boyfriend. Snubbed. Rejected. Burned. That's what you get for having a vagina, lady.
Is it weird that I think Ed's neck is just. Intensely sexy? Soft curves, smooth, so you can see the bone structure but like... idk. Soft. And aw. Roger. Gotta compose yourself after talking to Hoffman.
Lulz. Bassam all GTF OFF MY BOYFRIEND and Roger all GTF OFF MY BOYFRIEND and dude like WUT SUDDENLY IN THE MIDDLE OF A GAY CATFIGHT?! They can too protect themselves. They use condoms! So should you, kids.
Ed. Sweety. Stop eavesdropping. It's adorable, but very sketchy. Quite creeper. Also, he totally takes that wiretap shit home and just sits on his bed jerking off to Roger reading Bassam the grocery list or something. Unf.
Ed! Ed! Knowing what Roger did, gotta check on him, a little concerned, so so so CUTE! Also. His quiet voice. The gravelly thing. Unf. Unf. Unf. LOL milked him. Penis. Awwww all worried Roger's gonna get himself killed. Ah, fire? He just called him “Ferris”. About eighteen minutes in. AND THEN BUDDY. :D Oh and again. And again.
Roger's like *sneak sneak sneak*. Lulz. CD burning. Heh. Awww I love how much trust Bassam and Roger share. So sweet. Till death do them part. In about five minutes. T-T
Btw. Why why why why why would you send the white dude in to play Arab? Why wouldn't you send in the uh... Arab? Just sayin'. Aw. Bassam's got his back! Bassam, Bassam, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE? T-T BOOM! Helicopters cruising in over the mountains, and I've got the M*A*S*H theme playing in my head. Awww there needs to be fic about the burns Roger must've just gotten on his hands. Maybe someone licking them. Just because yes.
Awwww Bassam! Bassam! You you you don't even know but you're about to about to NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! T-T That shot of Bassam right during the explosion. Ouch. That's just so SAD! Also. Wanna bet that “I can't, he's in pieces!” dude is gonna have nightmares tonight?
T-T Bassam bits. Sadness. Also, I love the way that's said. Just. “Not yours” telling you SO. FUCKING. MUCH. And Hoffman calls him Ferris again, fire. I enjoy Ed sitting all alone in the cafeteria. Awwww and Ed was jealous of Bassam. AND OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMOMGOMGOGMOGMOGMOGMOMGOMGOGMOGMOGMG THEY SAID HANI'S NAME! THEY SAID HANI'S NAME! HANI'S GONNA SHOW UP SOON! HANI HANI HANI HANI HANI!
Ouch. Bang the wife. Know more about it than I do. So much history. I just.
Also. “I'll call you later” sounds so suddenly tender and sweet.
And Roger. Sweety. About saving that bone fragment. Just cannot be healthy. Or hygenic.
Fuck yes. Check out those palm trees. Shit looks like Rodeo Drive, only ghetto-er. Also. Skip. You fail. You have always been a failure, and you will always be a failure. You've disappointed everyone you've ever loved. But I still love your hair.
That vase is so random. A whole screen of blue and grey tones, and then. That random-ass vase. It's like it's a plot point. But it's not. It's a fuckin' vase.
This guy? Also a failure. But he doesn't have the sweet hair like Skip does. Also, sir. Stop pretending you're a BAMF. You cannot even compete. Please stop embarrassing yourself. Skip's all MOMMY, DADDY, PLEASE DON'T FIGHT! Daddy's about to get his ass kicked out. That's right. Roger's the mommy. Because he has sass. And ass. Ass. <3 Unf. I feel like I just channeled Ed. And Hani. .lgdnalig;NG HANI'S GONNA SHOW UP REALLY SOOOOOON!
Awwwww I feel like it's a lot more than shit that Ed's stolen from Roger. Like his marriage. Or his innocence. OR HIS HEART! *sniff*
MARWAN IN THE HOUSE! G;lhandslgn;jalb ,k.SNgLHSALGBH;dghkb;njifzvn;aisdgthsaihg;DHGgn HANI HANI HANI HANI HANI HANI HANI HANI HANI HANI HANI HANI HANIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! LOL if you heard he liked blowjobs would you use those? Answer: yes. Also. Mark. With the eyefucking. RAPE. RAPE. THAT IS A RAPE POSE.
LOL also. “You have experience of this, I am sure.” I like to imagine Hani's implying Roger's been on the receiving end of some pretty hardcore sexual torture. Hurr hurrrrrrrr. *lady boner*
LOL Hani like. Failed. Right there. “So you are a secret Arab.” Roger goes from *respect~* to ...wtf? Also. I feel like Roger's having to explain like. “I'm not your ex, Hani. I'm me. ...while we're at it, I'm not MY ex, since we've both fucked him.”
UNF. NEVER LIE TO ME. MY DEAR. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I UNNNNNNNNNF.
Aw. And Ed. Watching. Keeping an eye on things. All concerned. And Roger. Rockin' the TOTALLY NOT OBVIOUS DISGUISE, GUYS. LOL and Skip. Again. You fail at everything ever. This includes spotting security guys. Skip is like the Chuck Norris of being a failure. Only not. Because being the Chuck Norris of something is unfail. And Skip embodies fail.
OH ED. “Whoops.” SO MUCH IN THAT. That's not just *yawn* OOPSIES. That's like “...OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!” Ed is like SHIT, SON, I WAS TRYING TO HELP BUDDY OUT! GODDAMMIT! I need to write more Hoffman ficcage. IDEK. GTFO my brain, Ed. Awwww puppies OH DEAR GOD GET THEM OFF OF MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! :D
Aw wait. Skip doesn't fail at picking you up in the car. He's a non-fail chauffeur. Holy shit. Did I just spell that right? Fuck yes. I rule.
Urgh. Awkward, painfully contrived het romance? GTFO MY LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE. Aisha. Urgh. Die. Or don't die. You aren't THAT annoying. But GTFO. Aisha's all like “...snowboarding. -.- Ahuh.”
Ugh. GTFO HEEEEET. Thinking about Hoffman instead. Ed. Ed. Ed's neck. I like Ed's neck. Unsettled, give me neck kink.
YES. ED *IS* A COCKSUCKER. UNF. UNFFFFFFFFFFFF. UNFUNFUNFUNFUNF. I JUST. UNF. And aw. “I love you. Bye,” to son is just so sweet and sad! Awww and then. Buddy leaves to go talk to Hani. And Ed's like DAUGHTER. GIVE ME ATTENTION. And she's all WHATEVS. And he's like SADNESS.
HANI. SMOKING. UNF. YOU WORK THAT CIGARETTE, MARK. YOUWORK IT LIKE HANS WITH A DILDO. OR LEO.
Hey guys? Let's get some Mark/Leo RPS up in here. It'd be so fuckin' hot.
UNF. VIOLENCE KINK. LOVES WHIPPING. UNFUNFUNFUNFUNF. AND HANI. ALL COOL. TOTALLY FAPPING BEHIND ROGER RIGHT NOW. Roger all ERM. ABOUT THAT. And Hani all HURRHURRHURR KEEP WATCHING 8D
And Hani calling him “Edward” just. It validates my Hani/Hoffman shippage.
And. Random Netherlands scene. Heh. People in other countries take soccer seriously. LOL. Also, ILU hilarious Asian tourist couple! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! POW! CRASH! KERSMASH!
Roger all TYIN' MAH SHOES, WATCHIN' TV. Hani all BITCH, COME DO MY CUFFS. WATCHIN' TV. Hani's wife has such a key role in his life. Terrorist leader dude all LOLOLOLOLOLOL THAT WAS ME YOU GUYS. Also. His hat looks like a condom. But for his head.
GOING FISHING GOING FISHING HANI JUST NAMEDROPPED US, GUYS!
WE! WE! WE! DAWWWWWWWWW! WE! Long as we keep it between us BECAUSE MY EX IS KIND OF A CREEPER AND STALKS ME WITH AN EYE IN THE SKY AND JERKS OFF TO IT.
“Watch and learn, my dear. Watch and learn.” That's my away message right now. Heh. Hi fire. I'm IMing you like right now.
Hani. With the hair. The hair. I want to play with it. I want to pet it. I want to have sex with it. It is just so damn gorgeous. Like Mark. And Mark's eyes. And Mark's voice. And Mark's accents. And just. Unf. Unf. Unf.
AND DUDE. WANTS TO SUCK HANI'S COCK. AND LOOK AT ROGER. HE TOTALLY JUST ALMOST SMILED AT IT BEFORE HE CAUGHT HIMSELF. BECAUSE HE WAS THINKING “MAN, THAT'D BE HOT. I WANNA SUCK HANI'S CO-- WHOA. ROGER. STEADY.” AND HANI MAKES ME LIVE MY LIFE IN CAPSLOCK, GUYS.
LOL I enjoy that he uses a “throw him back into the sea” metaphor in the middle of a bigass desert. And Roger. Totes staring at Hani's lips.
And Ed! All *jealousy* And awww. Anyone else think Ed was trying to surprise Roger with a romantic candlelit dinner? *sniffle* LOL. “Couple bottles of that and we'll be speaking Babylonian.” BECAUSE THE BABYLONIANS ALWAYS USED TO TALK LIKE THEY WERE CUMMING. 'CAUSE. 'CAUSE. THERE'S GONNA BE SEX, GUYS. GET IT?
So awkward. Small talk. And then. Roger opening the wine, and a sudden cut. BECAUSE SEX OCCURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRS!
“If you're not thinkin' about pussy, you're just not concentrating, my dear.” That. Pausing movie to think on that. Because it's so gorgeous and perfect and brilliant. Not thinking about pussy, Ed tries his best not to think about Roger but he just can't manage it, he broke up Roger's marriage when Roger stopped thinking about pussy and started thinking about Ed, Aisha's just not even remotely right for Roger, idekkkkk, and then the “my dear” all HARSH and just Ed's PISSED. OFF. about this Hani/Roger business and he's just being a BITCH about it and Roger's like CHILL, MAN and just asdlign;aodigh;GBALSD;NIG;FndsgNDGjng; RIGHT RESUMING MOVIE.
LOL Roger like “My boyfriend and my ex are glaring at each other. AWK-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD.” And then “Karumi. Katumi.” Roger all *eyeroll* DUDE. KARAMI. JACKASS.
And just. Just. This whole scene. I could totes see it turning into an orgy very quickly. “Edward”. “The king”. “Your highness”. “I want control.” I just. SO MUCH UST! SO MUCH!