Fic: Pop-Tarts
Title: Pop-Tarts
Fandom: Thor, Iron Man
Rating: T
Disclaimer: If I owned it, the gay would be way more obvious.
Summary: Thor sets himself to the uncomfortable task of disillusioning Tony about Loki's intentions. Tony, meanwhile, thinks the sex is fantastic.
Pop-Tarts
"Tony," Thor begins hesitantly, chewing on a bite of the strawberry-flavored pastry, "there is... there is something I must discuss with you."
"Oh yeah? What's that?" Tony asks, leaning forward to snag the other Pop-Tart before the Asgardian can finish the first.
Thor pauses to give Tony a severe look, then speaks slowly. "My... you are aware of what has happened between Loki and me. I would not hold our past against you if you wish to pursue a relationship with him, but..."
"Come on, man, spit it out. What, didja sleep with him or something? If there's any awkwardness from that, I think a three-way would be the--"
Crumbs spray across the table. "What? NO! No, ew, no I did not sleep with him!"
Tony shrugs. "Your loss, man. I tell you, that Asgardian stamina really is something. You might not notice, but to a human, trust me-- it makes a dif--"
"Tony, please," Thor says, face in hands. "I do not wish to know about my brother's... er... that." He opens another Pop-Tart wrapper, trying to wipe that thought from his brain. "Besides, my brother is not Asgardian, remember? He is Jotunn."
"Oh, good point, man. So do Asgardians have that kinda stamina then? Here, let's run an experiment. I'll tell Jarvis to time us, and then you and I just--"
"No."
Tony leans forward across the table, voice low and husky. "Oh, come on. You really don't want me writhing underneath you, tight, hot, willing, moaning and screaming your name like the god you are?"
Thor shivers, but stands firm. "No. First, I am promised to Jane, and I would not betray her trust like that. Second, I do not wish to share conquests with my brother."
Tony grins. "Dunno if I'm exactly a conquest, Thor. Conquests usually start out uninterested, right?"
Thor frowns, remembering what he was trying to tell Stark in the first place. The man is clearly unaware of the depths of Loki's heartlessness. "Tony, I... do not be deceived by false hopes of love and romance. My brother is a cruel man, and doubtless intends to benefit from these dalliances of yours. They are but a tool to be used towards an end." Blunt, but Tony needs to understand, before his heart is broken.
Tony grins. "I know, it's great, right? No strings attached! Just sex, sex, sex, with a little sex on the side, you know what I'm sayin'?"
Thor blinks. "No. Not at all."
Tony laughs as he tilts his chair back on two legs, radiating casual confidence. "I know what he's like, Thor. Trust me, I've been in enough shallow, deceitful relationships to know when I'm in one, but I really don't care." Tony steals another Pop-Tart and continues around a large mouthful. "He won't get anything other than a hell of a good time from fucking me senseless, but he is getting a good time. Meanwhile, I'm getting some of the craziest, kinkiest sex of my life, seriously. You know he can shapeshift? You know what that means? Man, woman, large, small, tentacles of every shape and size..." Tony breaks off, eyes shining with emotion. Thor takes the opportunity to introduce his head to the table. "And that's to say nothing of the bondage, the asphyxiation, the bloodplay, the oral-- seriously, man, did you guys have lessons? Best blowjobs of my life!"
"Tony..." Thor mumbles from the table, feeling faintly ill.
"Yeah, yeah, sorry. The point is, don't worry. I know exactly what I'm getting into with Loki, and I won't let it endanger anyone else." He pauses, apparently lost in thought. "That three-way offer really does stand, though. Seriously, oh my god, the possibilities. Loki could ride you while sucking me off, oh man... or maybe you and I could tie him up and just..."
Thor hastily gets up and leaves Tony to his fantasies. He's fairly certain he'll never want Pop-Tarts again.
Fandom: Thor, Iron Man
Rating: T
Disclaimer: If I owned it, the gay would be way more obvious.
Summary: Thor sets himself to the uncomfortable task of disillusioning Tony about Loki's intentions. Tony, meanwhile, thinks the sex is fantastic.
Pop-Tarts
"Tony," Thor begins hesitantly, chewing on a bite of the strawberry-flavored pastry, "there is... there is something I must discuss with you."
"Oh yeah? What's that?" Tony asks, leaning forward to snag the other Pop-Tart before the Asgardian can finish the first.
Thor pauses to give Tony a severe look, then speaks slowly. "My... you are aware of what has happened between Loki and me. I would not hold our past against you if you wish to pursue a relationship with him, but..."
"Come on, man, spit it out. What, didja sleep with him or something? If there's any awkwardness from that, I think a three-way would be the--"
Crumbs spray across the table. "What? NO! No, ew, no I did not sleep with him!"
Tony shrugs. "Your loss, man. I tell you, that Asgardian stamina really is something. You might not notice, but to a human, trust me-- it makes a dif--"
"Tony, please," Thor says, face in hands. "I do not wish to know about my brother's... er... that." He opens another Pop-Tart wrapper, trying to wipe that thought from his brain. "Besides, my brother is not Asgardian, remember? He is Jotunn."
"Oh, good point, man. So do Asgardians have that kinda stamina then? Here, let's run an experiment. I'll tell Jarvis to time us, and then you and I just--"
"No."
Tony leans forward across the table, voice low and husky. "Oh, come on. You really don't want me writhing underneath you, tight, hot, willing, moaning and screaming your name like the god you are?"
Thor shivers, but stands firm. "No. First, I am promised to Jane, and I would not betray her trust like that. Second, I do not wish to share conquests with my brother."
Tony grins. "Dunno if I'm exactly a conquest, Thor. Conquests usually start out uninterested, right?"
Thor frowns, remembering what he was trying to tell Stark in the first place. The man is clearly unaware of the depths of Loki's heartlessness. "Tony, I... do not be deceived by false hopes of love and romance. My brother is a cruel man, and doubtless intends to benefit from these dalliances of yours. They are but a tool to be used towards an end." Blunt, but Tony needs to understand, before his heart is broken.
Tony grins. "I know, it's great, right? No strings attached! Just sex, sex, sex, with a little sex on the side, you know what I'm sayin'?"
Thor blinks. "No. Not at all."
Tony laughs as he tilts his chair back on two legs, radiating casual confidence. "I know what he's like, Thor. Trust me, I've been in enough shallow, deceitful relationships to know when I'm in one, but I really don't care." Tony steals another Pop-Tart and continues around a large mouthful. "He won't get anything other than a hell of a good time from fucking me senseless, but he is getting a good time. Meanwhile, I'm getting some of the craziest, kinkiest sex of my life, seriously. You know he can shapeshift? You know what that means? Man, woman, large, small, tentacles of every shape and size..." Tony breaks off, eyes shining with emotion. Thor takes the opportunity to introduce his head to the table. "And that's to say nothing of the bondage, the asphyxiation, the bloodplay, the oral-- seriously, man, did you guys have lessons? Best blowjobs of my life!"
"Tony..." Thor mumbles from the table, feeling faintly ill.
"Yeah, yeah, sorry. The point is, don't worry. I know exactly what I'm getting into with Loki, and I won't let it endanger anyone else." He pauses, apparently lost in thought. "That three-way offer really does stand, though. Seriously, oh my god, the possibilities. Loki could ride you while sucking me off, oh man... or maybe you and I could tie him up and just..."
Thor hastily gets up and leaves Tony to his fantasies. He's fairly certain he'll never want Pop-Tarts again.