(no subject)
winter. sore muscles.
sometimes life is reduced to lattes and loan payments, inextricably linked. need a new job.
good things:
learning about my own fertility. tracking temperature and ovulation and cervical fluid. pretty amazing thing, the female body.
knitting the best scarf of my life. for one of the best people in my life, and she doesn't even know it!
actually communicating with my estranged sister. i'm the maid of honor in her wedding (what! i know. whodathought. at least the dress is hot.)
made some big steps with the other lady in my tri-lationship. this might be the most fulfilling thing going on with me right now.
writing lots of letters, and actually sending them.
bad things:
sam again chose boy over best friend. for the last time, with me at least. i imagine she's found a way to rationalize it all so it's my fault. really, though, i might have said the words to end the friendship but she performed the actions. i'm profoundly sad about it still, but am finding ways to accept it. it's just hard to understand how some folks can just...drop...you one day and act like you haven't spent six years knowing everything about each other. why is it so hard to have emotional intimacy with more than one person at a time? will anyone ever be able to help me understand her? feels like a slap in the face, a punch in the gut. and getting blamed for it, no less. i just can't go through this shit again. i'd rather she be happy at least for the time being without me than act like i'm okay with the way she treats me. been there.
really need to be on this midwife thing, trying as hard as i can to stick it out with the peoples market till the end of the month like i said i would. i will.
something missing.
brother is at boot camp. sigh.
sometimes life is reduced to lattes and loan payments, inextricably linked. need a new job.
good things:
learning about my own fertility. tracking temperature and ovulation and cervical fluid. pretty amazing thing, the female body.
knitting the best scarf of my life. for one of the best people in my life, and she doesn't even know it!
actually communicating with my estranged sister. i'm the maid of honor in her wedding (what! i know. whodathought. at least the dress is hot.)
made some big steps with the other lady in my tri-lationship. this might be the most fulfilling thing going on with me right now.
writing lots of letters, and actually sending them.
bad things:
sam again chose boy over best friend. for the last time, with me at least. i imagine she's found a way to rationalize it all so it's my fault. really, though, i might have said the words to end the friendship but she performed the actions. i'm profoundly sad about it still, but am finding ways to accept it. it's just hard to understand how some folks can just...drop...you one day and act like you haven't spent six years knowing everything about each other. why is it so hard to have emotional intimacy with more than one person at a time? will anyone ever be able to help me understand her? feels like a slap in the face, a punch in the gut. and getting blamed for it, no less. i just can't go through this shit again. i'd rather she be happy at least for the time being without me than act like i'm okay with the way she treats me. been there.
really need to be on this midwife thing, trying as hard as i can to stick it out with the peoples market till the end of the month like i said i would. i will.
something missing.
brother is at boot camp. sigh.