uh, un na un. :))
uh, please don't judge me. ilang taon na tong fic na toh :))) i didn't edit anything dun sa story. just.... UWAAAAAAAAAH. aun lang. :)) remember how i can't be cheesy? well, i actually can be. XD
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Can't Stay Away
Seeing you, all smiles and laughter, brings an ache to my heart. You're surrounded by the people you've cared for, trained and worked with. You're looked up to as a great artist and loved by many. You've brought so much happiness to several lives.
You don't need me at all.
I turn my back on the spotlights, the screams and most of all, your shining presence. Without a backward glance, I walk out of the hall, and out of your life.
•••
"Hey."
The shock that goes through my body freezes it entirely. I stare at you, disbelieving and slightly wary.
It's been months since I left and last saw you. Communication was scarce as I took caution in staying just a bit out of your reach. There wasn't any need to stay in touch.
The lopsided grin you shoot me makes my heart skip and thump harder.
"Don't look so surprised." You say as you sit on the stool next to mine. You order a hard drink from the boy manning the bar. "It's not like i expected you to be here." You tell me with a shrug.
I look away, biting down on my lower lip. How could I have forgotten? We used to frequent this club before.
The boy hands over your drink and I realize you're worrying over something. You only drink such alcohol when brooding over a problem.
I move to get up, to move away as I'm not prepared to deal with you like this. I've never been prepared since I left you.
But your hand grabs my wrist, a bit tightly. "Stay," you whisper and I catch this despite the loud music. You don't look at me but your hand squeezes just a little. "Stay. Please. You don't have to talk. Just please. Stay for awhile."
The change in your tone catches me offguard. How quick it was to shift.
Reluctantly, I settle back on the seat and order another drink.
This might just be a long night.
•••
Stumbling inside the room, we nearly fall down on the foyer if you didn't brace yourself against the wall. You curse at hitting your shoulder on the concrete but nevertheless, you pull me by the collar and smash your mouth on mine.
You smell like liquor and cigarettes, mixed with that trademark cologne of yours. It brings back memories as you harshly move your mouth over mine.
I hiss in annoyance when you bite down too hard on my lip, breaking away immediately. "Goddamnit." I spit as your hands impatiently push off my jacket from my shoulders. "That freaking hurt."
You laugh, a little drunkenly before shrugging off your own jacket. "You liked it anyway."
I hate it when you're right.
You pull me closer again, claiming my lips hungrily. Hands slide down my hips and hitch them up. Arms and legs automatically come around you. Much to my delight, you've become tougher, stronger.
You don't even break away and choose to blindly step inside. Tripping and knocking over things, we search for the bedroom in the darkness while still mating our mouths.
Once the room is found, you drop me on the bed before hurriedly stripping off your shirt.
The sight of your pale skin in the dark creates a lump in my throat. And this somehow sobers me up.
What the hell am i doing here? I shouldn't even be here, with you of all people. I left you already.
The sound of your pants dropping to the floor speeds up my already irregularly beating heart. It spurs my mouth into action.
"I don't think we should--"
Your mouth silences me as your already naked body covers mine. Even through all layers of my clothes, I can feel the heat of your skin. So warm and enticing.
When you pull away, it's to whisper against my lips. "Don't think. Don't even contemplate on this. It ruins everything."
The brush of your breaths on my cheeks sends shivers down my spine. It's been too long without you.
Your eyes glint like diamonds in the dark as you gaze at me. "Strip."
Possessed by deep longing and with the help of those elegant fingers of yours, I do as you tell me. Clothes are thrown away instantly.
When you press down on me, skin against bare skin, a moan rips at my throat. You cut it off with another soul-searing kiss.
"Don't leave. Just don't."
After that, words didn't seem necessary at all.
•••
Dawn is approaching. I can't stay any longer.
You lay on your stomach, motionless and head turned away, as I carefully get up on my feet, familiar with the surroundings. It's your bedroom after all.
Quietly picking up my discarded clothings, I pull them on one by one, keeping an eye out for any movement.
I spot the other, albeit unoccupied bed, and is torn between being grateful and incredulous that your fellow bandmate decided not to sleep there tonight.
Fully dressed, I head for the door, pausing to watch you for a moment.
As my eyes travel down your fair skin, I couldn't help but feel regretful that this had to happen. I still have feelings for you, which was partly the reason why i stayed.
Shaking my head, I gingerly open the door and step out.
Only to be confronted with your fellow member, whose hostility I can feel coming in waves. His eyes speak of resentment and his stance of fury.
I used to be in his good graces. That is, until I left their member unceremoniously.
"Think twice, or even thrice, before making a move." He calmly says but it feels like he's about to explode. "Either you step back in there and stay with him, or step out and never dare show your face to any of us again."
My mouth dries at the choices he's given me. He's seriously scary when driven really angry. I don't blame him. I've hurt someone so close to him.
I lick my lips nervously. "Look. I never--"
"I don't want any of your reasons." He looks ready to hurt me. "You dared to leave him behind without saying anything. And now, here you are again, doing the same thing once more. You're seriously delusional if you think i'll let you get away with it."
"Oppa--"
"Don't 'oppa' me." He snaps. "You have no right to call me that anymore."
I've turned a friend of mine against myself.
Just then, the door behind me opens. It's you, dressed in only a pair of gray sweatpants. "What's going on?" You ask. "I heard raised voices."
When you move to touch me, your friend hisses. "No. Don't get in the way." He turns to me. "Make your decision."
I glance at him, then at you. You look so confused and just a little bit exhausted. Your hair's sticking up in different directions and you got that rumpled, just-woken-up look on you.
"What's wrong?" You whisper.
I shake my head and bow at you. "I'm sorry."
I see the look of outrage on your fellow member's face when I hurry past him and out of the front door.
Tears stream down as I rush to get away.
I'm really sorry...
•••
A few days later, the doorbell rings. Having interrupted my thoughts, I sigh and get up from the couch.
"Who is it?" I call out. But I open the door before an answer could come.
I jerk back in surprise, seeing you standing there. "H-how did you know...?" The rest of the question slips away as I stare at you.
You smile halfheartedly at me. "It pays to have a manager who can do anything."
I stare incredulously at you. It's just you to be able to joke at a time like this.
You shift uneasily on your feet when I don't say anything at all, looking just a bit too adorable. "Uhm, about the other night--"
And just those words bring back the memory in a flash, like a fast-paced slideshow in my head.
"We were drunk." I softly point out before you could say more. It efficiently silences you up.
I lean against the door, eyes never leaving you. "Why did you look for me?"
When you train those beautiful eyes at me, I sigh. "I can't offer any explanation for what happened except that we were drunk. We both had too much to drink."
Something flashes in those orbs that shoots an arrow straight to my heart. I probably shouldn't have said that. But I didn't want to get my own hopes up just 'cause of that one night. Who knows? You might have only been looking for company that night.
When you step forward, my breath hitches upon your arms that come around me. I stand motionlessly as you breathe deeply, holding me so tightly.
"Nights like that," you whisper, "don't just happen with me just 'cause I'm drunk. It happened because I wanted to be with you. I still want to. And I know you want to be with me, too."
My heart stutters at those words. It takes me a moment to find my voice. "I left you. Why aren't you mad at me?"
"Because I know you have your reasons then. But I can't pass up this chance to have you back." You squeeze me a little. "Please."
I lick my suddenly dry lips. "You sound certain that I want to be with you. How sure are you I wasn't intoxicated that night?"
"I can't explain but I felt something from you. a longing of some sorts. And," you chuckle lightly, surprising me. "You don't like getting drunk. You wouldn't allow yourself to get smashed."
I groan softly. I forgot all about that.
"I don't know exactly why you left me." You continue. "But now that you've done so in the past, I can't let it happen again. I'm sorry but I can't let you go so easily anymore."
For some reason, that makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. Warmth that could only be your affection and care for me envelops me. I sigh against your shoulder, embracing you back. "Why do you have to be so determined?"
You softly laugh. "I have to be. Or else, I'd be letting go of someone who's too important to me."
I answer back with a laugh.
We both turn our heads at the same time and our mouths meet. Something settles down inside me as you hold me against your body with such assurance. I feel protected and safe.
Why did I ever leave you, anyway? This is where I belong, no matter what others say or do. Here in your arms should be my place and nowhere else.
Once out of breath, we part and just settle for hugging each other. Something occurs to me.
"Will he ever forgive me?" I ask, knowing you'd understand.
You chuckle as you move away a little to shut the door. "I'm sure he would. He can't resist you, anyway."
The bubble of laughter that leaves me is that of pure happiness.
•••End•••