mean old lady in the park
that would be me.
tonight henry and i went to the county chamber annual meeting/awards night. we ate, i chatted, eventually we went to the playground. i observed some teenagers in a picnic shelter, two girls and a boy, skulking in the shadows. i figured they were smoking, getting high, something. eventually, however, i observed a sustained flame - they were lighting something on fire, either on the edge of the wooden bench of a wooden picnic table, or the seat itself. i wandered closer, carrying my camera, as i do. one of the girls, the one lighting the object, was peering at it with her cellphone poised - looked like she was taking a photo or video. i approached. they looked at me. i took some photos. they wanted to know what i was doing. "taking photos of vandalism. if the shelter burns down, it'll be good to have pictures of the culprits." i asked if they thought what they were doing was a good idea. they said not. anyway, we bandied words; they opined that they were doing nothing wrong, that the table wasn't wood, and that anyway, it was painted, and paint doesn't burn, and that i. had. no. right! to take their photos without their permission. the idea i gave them that the photos might look good in the local newspaper got one of them to call her mother on her cellphone. ["is that really going to help?" i asked "...i'd be happy to speak to her"] the mother clearly chewed her out for her "harmless" activity, despite her complaints that i was *laughing* at them, and they weren't doing anything!!!
well. mom showed up in a few minutes, by car, and, greeted by main-culprit-girl, asked if i was the person in question, so i approached, agreed that i'd been talking to them about their lighting a fire in a public building. mother wanted to know if there were damage. no, say the kids. possibly, say i. off she goes with the kids; i smile at her, saying i'd been telling my 4-year-old that i hoped he'd survive teenage stupidity. "you didn't need to call my girls *stupid*. they weren't *exercising common sense*", to which i said, no, you're right, the behavior was stupid. off she goes. i look at bystander-boy, who kept exclaiming, at the idea of photos appearing anywhere, that he was Just There; he asks again if his photo will be in the paper, in response to which i ask his name (steven), and did he know the girls' surname? no, no, of course not, he doesn't know them ,can he goooo?. well, steven, next time don't stand by when people are doing something wrong, 'kay? off he goes on his bike.
henry and i returned to the event, and were standing around outside - me with my adrenaline still pumping, confrontation not being, it may surprise you, my favorite thing - when along cruises mom and girls in their red truck (van? whatever). she calls me over, to tell me bystander-boy tells her i'd asked their name, which i shouldn't have done, i should have asked *her* - yes, i say, i introduced myself when you arrived, but you didn't tell me your name - she goes on - "what is your name?", i ask; "you don't need to know" she tells me, then tells me that the girls tell her i'd been *threatening* them with putting their photos in the newspaper, well, if that happens, i'd be in a world of trouble, etc. and how dare i call them stupid, and hooligans, and, and, and - "you're taking the word of the young people who doing what they were doing over mine?" i ask, denying calling them hooligans, and reiterating that their behavior was, indeed, stupid - something they'd said themselves, actually. and i had certainly told them the photos could end up in the newspaper; the local newspaper editor was inside, and i thought she might very well be interested in photos of people engaging in lighting fires in wooden shelters in the village park. and if she wasn't, there was no reason the village board wouldn't take an interest, now was there? well! i was threatening them, and she was off Right Now to Tell The Police.
"Sure you are" I say to the receding car, thinking too late to take either a picture of her or her car, and go off to soothe my soul by telling several people the story.
"your photo could be in the paper" was a fairly empty threat to teenagers who didn't think to not start fires in front of a) an adult with B) a camera. i figured a mother would recognise the emptiness of it, and appreciate, oh, i dunno, the adult's intervention in her children's illegal, dangerous, and possibly expensive-to-her activities, but no, not this mom. i'm a mean old lady in the park, picking on innocent teens and putting a stop to their even more innocent fun. tsk.
it didn't surprise me too much that the mother took this tack, given the girls' behavior and, er, incomplete grasp of right, wrong, rights, and the inflammability of various substances. since i did identify myself (hey, i was wearing a nametag, and assumed she could read), i hope this doesn't turn into harassment from her, as she builds the whole thing, with the girls' help, into a Big Mean Lady issue in her mind and stories. i must say i am very inclined to show the newspaper editor the photos to see if she recognises larissa and steven and sidekick girl. i am also inclined to send a report, with photos, to the village board, or to the police. i was told by another event attendee that there had been numerous vandalism problems, including fires set, in years past in park buildings.
when i talk to parents of kids we've caught stealing from the bookstore, i try to keep in mind that, in nine years time,i will have my own teenager, who knows of what stripe. i often say something along those lines to the parents, as they usually seem pretty miffed with the kids and concerned about what i think. i think that,mostly, kids do stuff, and parents find out later, if ever. most of the kids survive, thanks goodness, but even the best parenting doesn't rule out some pretty dunderheaded behavior.
i'm more comfortable, now in the role of interfering grown-up, willing to ask kids, hey! what do you think you're doing? i think it's part of "it takes a village" - letting stuff - dangerous, illegal, or majorly stupid stuff - pass, under one's nose, on the grounds that "it's none of my business" just doesn't fly. i want people to - kindly, if possible - stop henry from egregious or potentially deadly behavior when out of my sight. yes, that may mean random interfering in something i don't mind his doing at some point (skateboarding, maybe, or "taking the lord's name in vain"), but i want to know he knows, that kids know, the community is paying attention, that what they do really does matter.
i've had this impulse over the years. mostly it's when i see kids being hit or demeaned in public. even as a teen, i weighed the risk - that there would be repercussions taken out on the kid - against giving the kid the impression that no adult cared that their parent(s) hit or called them names in public, and weighed in, as politely as i could, to say, you know, that's not okay. *sigh* i don't know if it ever helped. i just could not stand by, letting a child think that strangers didn't care what their parents did, or let the parents think they could do that stuff in a public place with impunity. not a lot of times, but some. i remember quite clearly. i remember some occasions where i didn't speak up, too. *sigh*
so, was i a good citizen, or an agent of The Man? do i need to watch my back? expect letters to the editor? a visit from the cops? should i visit the cops? and isn't there something besides lighting fires and "sitting around being Good Little Girls" (to quote ms. pyro) those kids could have thought of doing? and did that apple even leave the tree yet?
tonight henry and i went to the county chamber annual meeting/awards night. we ate, i chatted, eventually we went to the playground. i observed some teenagers in a picnic shelter, two girls and a boy, skulking in the shadows. i figured they were smoking, getting high, something. eventually, however, i observed a sustained flame - they were lighting something on fire, either on the edge of the wooden bench of a wooden picnic table, or the seat itself. i wandered closer, carrying my camera, as i do. one of the girls, the one lighting the object, was peering at it with her cellphone poised - looked like she was taking a photo or video. i approached. they looked at me. i took some photos. they wanted to know what i was doing. "taking photos of vandalism. if the shelter burns down, it'll be good to have pictures of the culprits." i asked if they thought what they were doing was a good idea. they said not. anyway, we bandied words; they opined that they were doing nothing wrong, that the table wasn't wood, and that anyway, it was painted, and paint doesn't burn, and that i. had. no. right! to take their photos without their permission. the idea i gave them that the photos might look good in the local newspaper got one of them to call her mother on her cellphone. ["is that really going to help?" i asked "...i'd be happy to speak to her"] the mother clearly chewed her out for her "harmless" activity, despite her complaints that i was *laughing* at them, and they weren't doing anything!!!
well. mom showed up in a few minutes, by car, and, greeted by main-culprit-girl, asked if i was the person in question, so i approached, agreed that i'd been talking to them about their lighting a fire in a public building. mother wanted to know if there were damage. no, say the kids. possibly, say i. off she goes with the kids; i smile at her, saying i'd been telling my 4-year-old that i hoped he'd survive teenage stupidity. "you didn't need to call my girls *stupid*. they weren't *exercising common sense*", to which i said, no, you're right, the behavior was stupid. off she goes. i look at bystander-boy, who kept exclaiming, at the idea of photos appearing anywhere, that he was Just There; he asks again if his photo will be in the paper, in response to which i ask his name (steven), and did he know the girls' surname? no, no, of course not, he doesn't know them ,can he goooo?. well, steven, next time don't stand by when people are doing something wrong, 'kay? off he goes on his bike.
henry and i returned to the event, and were standing around outside - me with my adrenaline still pumping, confrontation not being, it may surprise you, my favorite thing - when along cruises mom and girls in their red truck (van? whatever). she calls me over, to tell me bystander-boy tells her i'd asked their name, which i shouldn't have done, i should have asked *her* - yes, i say, i introduced myself when you arrived, but you didn't tell me your name - she goes on - "what is your name?", i ask; "you don't need to know" she tells me, then tells me that the girls tell her i'd been *threatening* them with putting their photos in the newspaper, well, if that happens, i'd be in a world of trouble, etc. and how dare i call them stupid, and hooligans, and, and, and - "you're taking the word of the young people who doing what they were doing over mine?" i ask, denying calling them hooligans, and reiterating that their behavior was, indeed, stupid - something they'd said themselves, actually. and i had certainly told them the photos could end up in the newspaper; the local newspaper editor was inside, and i thought she might very well be interested in photos of people engaging in lighting fires in wooden shelters in the village park. and if she wasn't, there was no reason the village board wouldn't take an interest, now was there? well! i was threatening them, and she was off Right Now to Tell The Police.
"Sure you are" I say to the receding car, thinking too late to take either a picture of her or her car, and go off to soothe my soul by telling several people the story.
"your photo could be in the paper" was a fairly empty threat to teenagers who didn't think to not start fires in front of a) an adult with B) a camera. i figured a mother would recognise the emptiness of it, and appreciate, oh, i dunno, the adult's intervention in her children's illegal, dangerous, and possibly expensive-to-her activities, but no, not this mom. i'm a mean old lady in the park, picking on innocent teens and putting a stop to their even more innocent fun. tsk.
it didn't surprise me too much that the mother took this tack, given the girls' behavior and, er, incomplete grasp of right, wrong, rights, and the inflammability of various substances. since i did identify myself (hey, i was wearing a nametag, and assumed she could read), i hope this doesn't turn into harassment from her, as she builds the whole thing, with the girls' help, into a Big Mean Lady issue in her mind and stories. i must say i am very inclined to show the newspaper editor the photos to see if she recognises larissa and steven and sidekick girl. i am also inclined to send a report, with photos, to the village board, or to the police. i was told by another event attendee that there had been numerous vandalism problems, including fires set, in years past in park buildings.
when i talk to parents of kids we've caught stealing from the bookstore, i try to keep in mind that, in nine years time,i will have my own teenager, who knows of what stripe. i often say something along those lines to the parents, as they usually seem pretty miffed with the kids and concerned about what i think. i think that,mostly, kids do stuff, and parents find out later, if ever. most of the kids survive, thanks goodness, but even the best parenting doesn't rule out some pretty dunderheaded behavior.
i'm more comfortable, now in the role of interfering grown-up, willing to ask kids, hey! what do you think you're doing? i think it's part of "it takes a village" - letting stuff - dangerous, illegal, or majorly stupid stuff - pass, under one's nose, on the grounds that "it's none of my business" just doesn't fly. i want people to - kindly, if possible - stop henry from egregious or potentially deadly behavior when out of my sight. yes, that may mean random interfering in something i don't mind his doing at some point (skateboarding, maybe, or "taking the lord's name in vain"), but i want to know he knows, that kids know, the community is paying attention, that what they do really does matter.
i've had this impulse over the years. mostly it's when i see kids being hit or demeaned in public. even as a teen, i weighed the risk - that there would be repercussions taken out on the kid - against giving the kid the impression that no adult cared that their parent(s) hit or called them names in public, and weighed in, as politely as i could, to say, you know, that's not okay. *sigh* i don't know if it ever helped. i just could not stand by, letting a child think that strangers didn't care what their parents did, or let the parents think they could do that stuff in a public place with impunity. not a lot of times, but some. i remember quite clearly. i remember some occasions where i didn't speak up, too. *sigh*
so, was i a good citizen, or an agent of The Man? do i need to watch my back? expect letters to the editor? a visit from the cops? should i visit the cops? and isn't there something besides lighting fires and "sitting around being Good Little Girls" (to quote ms. pyro) those kids could have thought of doing? and did that apple even leave the tree yet?