Trippy
I was on the bus explaining to myself that I'm not real. Silently. I'm only so crazy.
But really, I thought, for no reason at all, "It's reverse solipsism; everyone is real but me. Only it's not fair, cuz I shouldn't have to eat or drink or shit. But eventually, everyone will catch on that I'm just a bit of imagination and I'll disappear. Not like a real person, homeless or mentally ill that no one acknowledges so it's *as if* they disappear. I would dissipate like a breath and integrate with the clouds. Maybe I'd retain enough self-awareness to look down from time to time and check out people I love.
Then the bus reached my stop and my feet didn't work quite right. Extra clumsy is not supposed to be a side effect of the steroid I'm on (again, fuck). It's generally a side effect of being me, I remembered, so I went with it and didn't try to collect my dignity.
The moon poked out of the clouds, all bright and then hiding, only to peek out again. I stopped to take some blurry pictures and breathe in the blue hour.
I've got this thing for the blue hour...
So I continued just to the foot of my stairs. That put my and the adjoining yards at about head level. A strange black and white cat ran through my neighbor's gate and paused, staring. I stood still to let it know I was no threat, and it ran down the stairs after about a minute. It stopped behind a parked car. Still not a threat. It moved just a few more feet, stood in the middle of the toad, and watched me.
Of course, for a moment, it seemed like it was doing more than making sure I wouldn't change my mind and chase it. There was just the slightest possibility that the remarkably fat stray was a cait sidhe and he had something to show me if I had the guts to come look...
Then I turned and headed up the stairs. When I glanced back, he was trotting into someone else's yard.
But really, I thought, for no reason at all, "It's reverse solipsism; everyone is real but me. Only it's not fair, cuz I shouldn't have to eat or drink or shit. But eventually, everyone will catch on that I'm just a bit of imagination and I'll disappear. Not like a real person, homeless or mentally ill that no one acknowledges so it's *as if* they disappear. I would dissipate like a breath and integrate with the clouds. Maybe I'd retain enough self-awareness to look down from time to time and check out people I love.
Then the bus reached my stop and my feet didn't work quite right. Extra clumsy is not supposed to be a side effect of the steroid I'm on (again, fuck). It's generally a side effect of being me, I remembered, so I went with it and didn't try to collect my dignity.
The moon poked out of the clouds, all bright and then hiding, only to peek out again. I stopped to take some blurry pictures and breathe in the blue hour.
I've got this thing for the blue hour...
So I continued just to the foot of my stairs. That put my and the adjoining yards at about head level. A strange black and white cat ran through my neighbor's gate and paused, staring. I stood still to let it know I was no threat, and it ran down the stairs after about a minute. It stopped behind a parked car. Still not a threat. It moved just a few more feet, stood in the middle of the toad, and watched me.
Of course, for a moment, it seemed like it was doing more than making sure I wouldn't change my mind and chase it. There was just the slightest possibility that the remarkably fat stray was a cait sidhe and he had something to show me if I had the guts to come look...
Then I turned and headed up the stairs. When I glanced back, he was trotting into someone else's yard.