wow....it's been a while
Wow....no one uses this site anymore. Now it's all facebook this, facebook that. I was looking back at some of my old entires. Wow....I was a little obsessed with tyler. Just a little....lol....ok a lot. But....he after all that, we are still friends, we occasionally talk and have lunch. Looking back, I would have done things differently. I wish i could have took no as no, and left him alone. I would have saved myself a lot of heartache. I wonder if i missed the oppertunity to meet other people, or meet another guy. I dont know why i couldnt just let him go....I gave him too much of my heart? idk. You heart is a curious organ. When you give it to someone who takes care of it, its the best feeling in the world, i know that now. I'm totally in love, scarred to death of messing it up, but im in love, and he takes care of my heart, ya he might have made me cry, but i know he hates it when he dose, and he still loves me. I know that tyler prob hated what he did too. I mean he's a nice guy. He did what he thought he had to do. I forgive him of course....and it was mostly cause i couldnt leave him alone. Idk, i wish i could have had him as a friend, and only a friend. It would have made being friends with him a whole lot easier and less complicated. I wouldnt have cried about him as much either....lol. Its so easy to give your heart away, as a girl, i think its even easier, when you didnt have good men in your life, like a father. I know we have God, but, i know for me, having men in my life, well...its hard. I'm afraid of being abandoned, or hurt. Thats what my father did, so i exspect all men to be that way, even if they are nice at first, im always afraid of getting hurt. I always have a crush too, since i started liking guys, ive always had a crush on someone, chris, tyler (longest one), matt, alex, bryan (omg....sooooooo hottttt), carl, adam, and then finally and currently, matt m. Who i love, and will prob marry, unless God suddenly says no, or something drastic happens. I'm afraid to get married, so afraid. I'm afraid i'll end up just like my parents. anyway....i need to study.....im procrastinating again....lol. That hasnt changed. untill next time...