One last time
So this is the last entry i'll ever write about Charlie Lawson. Now that the warning is there if you'd rather not read it then this is the time to look away.
I honestly expected that at some point he'd return to me. That somehow we'd be together again and that we'd be walking dwown the aisle a few years from now. Not them. That's me admitting my stupid hope and dream. I've entertained that idea for about four years now and now I'm at the point where it's stupid to even continue down that road.I've always known that we never would but I kept the hope alive and burning in my heart for sometime just like I kept my love for him alive. I still love Charlie but I know now without a shadow of a doubt it's never gonna happen. I stopped at a church (no i didnt catch on fire) on my way back from Jamie's and i prayed. I actually walked in dropped down in the front pew and prayed for about an hour that if he couldnt/wouldnt be returned to me that at least they'd be happy for the rest of their lives and they'd work out. I prayed for them and I prayed for myself. I asked that I be allowed to get my new place and to have the undersanding i desperately need in order to handle all this. I dont want hard feelings I dont want grudges. At some point I loved Cameo like a sister and while i know i'll never feel that way about her again and i never want to be friends i still want to have some love for her. I think i've loved her simply because she makes him happy and i can handle that. As far as Charlie goes i'll never understand what happened but i think i can forgive and forget eventually. He still doesnt know about his kid but it works out ok he gets to start marriage fresh.They deserve a shot. with everyone tryin to break them up they've earned a shot to be happy. i hate it right now and i wish it was me but in the end its her and i accept it. I love them both. I wish them luck and happiness and love.
I'll find my own one day for now i need to get my shit in order and things will be fine.
Congradulations Charlie and Cameo Lawson.
I honestly expected that at some point he'd return to me. That somehow we'd be together again and that we'd be walking dwown the aisle a few years from now. Not them. That's me admitting my stupid hope and dream. I've entertained that idea for about four years now and now I'm at the point where it's stupid to even continue down that road.I've always known that we never would but I kept the hope alive and burning in my heart for sometime just like I kept my love for him alive. I still love Charlie but I know now without a shadow of a doubt it's never gonna happen. I stopped at a church (no i didnt catch on fire) on my way back from Jamie's and i prayed. I actually walked in dropped down in the front pew and prayed for about an hour that if he couldnt/wouldnt be returned to me that at least they'd be happy for the rest of their lives and they'd work out. I prayed for them and I prayed for myself. I asked that I be allowed to get my new place and to have the undersanding i desperately need in order to handle all this. I dont want hard feelings I dont want grudges. At some point I loved Cameo like a sister and while i know i'll never feel that way about her again and i never want to be friends i still want to have some love for her. I think i've loved her simply because she makes him happy and i can handle that. As far as Charlie goes i'll never understand what happened but i think i can forgive and forget eventually. He still doesnt know about his kid but it works out ok he gets to start marriage fresh.They deserve a shot. with everyone tryin to break them up they've earned a shot to be happy. i hate it right now and i wish it was me but in the end its her and i accept it. I love them both. I wish them luck and happiness and love.
I'll find my own one day for now i need to get my shit in order and things will be fine.
Congradulations Charlie and Cameo Lawson.