Sigh...
I'm still unhappy. I've been feeling really lonely and sad all week, and it's not showing signs of wanting to go away.
I really need to buck up and do this stupid optics take-home exam or I will fail even more than I already have been, and then I will not graduate, which is the ultimate goal, and the only reason I'm still trying.
I need to muster up some energy and find the time to spend with my freshman that I'm supposed to be mentoring. She seems like a very cool girl and I feel like I've been neglecting her (not that she has been making any effort to seek me out, but I feel like it's sort of my job).
I need to start swimming again. I would rather do TKD, but I can't afford to go to a school, and the club here is absolute trash (please, no comments regarding this; I really don't give a shit if you're offended), which I think would make my life even more irritating rather than help to alleviate my current displeasure with everything else in the world.
I need to learn quantum, and I mean really, really learn quantum. I will not pass that class unless I do reasonably well on the second midterm and the final. The only way I could get a good grade in this class now is if I ace the final... so... better get on that. I, quite literally, failed the first exam. I scored 45/100, and the average was 51. Sadly, I knew all of the material that I needed to know for the test. If you asked me to do it on a day on which I had at least some of my sanity, I'd get no less than a B. Yeah, I probably could have studied harder, and I probably could have known more, or known the material more thoroughly, or done more practice problems, or memorized all of the homework solutions... but for once, I really, honestly feel like the only reason I failed that test was the absolutely unacceptable mental state that I've been occupying all week. It's really upsetting, and it's even more upsetting that I don't seem to be able to break out of this thing.
Today was my first day tutoring this kid named Madison. He's a senior at Blacksburg High School, taking physics and math, and apparently needing a little bit of help. So his parents decided to get him a tutor, which ended up being me. Today, they paid me $30 for reviewing weirdass factoring with him for an hour... I'm supposed to meet with him for an hour every week just to make sure he keeps up with the material and does well... as in, he's not an idiot, just needs a little bit of help. I think this arrangement might be kind of okay. I certainly wouldn't mind having even a tiny bit of extra cash.
Austin is going home for a week next Friday. I'm not sure how I feel about that. My first reaction, however, was not pleasant. I think it will, at the very least, be somewhat good for him... I've no idea as to what it will do to me, but honestly, it might not be so bad to be apart for a little bit. I'm just slightly afraid that I'll get upset and resent him for it, especially since I have so little control over my goddamn emotions these days...
I really, really need to find something to occupy my mind with that will make me stop dwelling on all of this sadness and anger.
Oh! My Sketchers came in the mail today. That was kind of nice. =P
Also, I want to get a haircut. Any thoughts? Ideas? Requests? Threats even? Currently my hair looks sort of like it did here.
I supposed to go try to work in the lab for a couple of hours tomorrow, so I really ought to get my ass in bed. I hope the rest of you are doing well.
I really need to buck up and do this stupid optics take-home exam or I will fail even more than I already have been, and then I will not graduate, which is the ultimate goal, and the only reason I'm still trying.
I need to muster up some energy and find the time to spend with my freshman that I'm supposed to be mentoring. She seems like a very cool girl and I feel like I've been neglecting her (not that she has been making any effort to seek me out, but I feel like it's sort of my job).
I need to start swimming again. I would rather do TKD, but I can't afford to go to a school, and the club here is absolute trash (please, no comments regarding this; I really don't give a shit if you're offended), which I think would make my life even more irritating rather than help to alleviate my current displeasure with everything else in the world.
I need to learn quantum, and I mean really, really learn quantum. I will not pass that class unless I do reasonably well on the second midterm and the final. The only way I could get a good grade in this class now is if I ace the final... so... better get on that. I, quite literally, failed the first exam. I scored 45/100, and the average was 51. Sadly, I knew all of the material that I needed to know for the test. If you asked me to do it on a day on which I had at least some of my sanity, I'd get no less than a B. Yeah, I probably could have studied harder, and I probably could have known more, or known the material more thoroughly, or done more practice problems, or memorized all of the homework solutions... but for once, I really, honestly feel like the only reason I failed that test was the absolutely unacceptable mental state that I've been occupying all week. It's really upsetting, and it's even more upsetting that I don't seem to be able to break out of this thing.
Today was my first day tutoring this kid named Madison. He's a senior at Blacksburg High School, taking physics and math, and apparently needing a little bit of help. So his parents decided to get him a tutor, which ended up being me. Today, they paid me $30 for reviewing weirdass factoring with him for an hour... I'm supposed to meet with him for an hour every week just to make sure he keeps up with the material and does well... as in, he's not an idiot, just needs a little bit of help. I think this arrangement might be kind of okay. I certainly wouldn't mind having even a tiny bit of extra cash.
Austin is going home for a week next Friday. I'm not sure how I feel about that. My first reaction, however, was not pleasant. I think it will, at the very least, be somewhat good for him... I've no idea as to what it will do to me, but honestly, it might not be so bad to be apart for a little bit. I'm just slightly afraid that I'll get upset and resent him for it, especially since I have so little control over my goddamn emotions these days...
I really, really need to find something to occupy my mind with that will make me stop dwelling on all of this sadness and anger.
Oh! My Sketchers came in the mail today. That was kind of nice. =P
Also, I want to get a haircut. Any thoughts? Ideas? Requests? Threats even? Currently my hair looks sort of like it did here.
I supposed to go try to work in the lab for a couple of hours tomorrow, so I really ought to get my ass in bed. I hope the rest of you are doing well.