(no subject)
ANNND Kevin isn't coming for Easter... Anything else? I'm 2 seconds from opening a bottle of wine. I need something to go right. Maybe I'll just nap. Fuck.. headache.. I've been having these horrible headaches when I'm aggravated. I need food.
Edit: Calmed down a bit. Talked to mom. Maybe I do need to distance myself a little bit. I don't need to come home after work everyday. I'm used to see Kevin maybe 1 night a week anyway. I never attached myself to anyone before and this is why, I don't think your happiness should be in the hands of one person. It brings you down and is not fair for that other person. But its so fun to look forward to something. To come home to somebody. To look forward to at least one date night a week. We are living together but maybe I need to focus on myself more. And not be upset if FQF and Easter(and Mardi Gras and Halloween and Thanksgiving) doesn't work out. I was actually so close to going into a relationship hiatus/break till after he stopped working when I was so depressed around November.. So close. I even talked to close friends about it. I tried talking to him less to make it easier, it almost worked. But something snapped in me around Christmas and our one year anniversary and I knew I wanted this for the long haul. I just don't want that feeling to return.
Fuck it *I'm* opening that bottle of wine without him. and I'm going to enjoy it by myself. I need it.
Edit: Calmed down a bit. Talked to mom. Maybe I do need to distance myself a little bit. I don't need to come home after work everyday. I'm used to see Kevin maybe 1 night a week anyway. I never attached myself to anyone before and this is why, I don't think your happiness should be in the hands of one person. It brings you down and is not fair for that other person. But its so fun to look forward to something. To come home to somebody. To look forward to at least one date night a week. We are living together but maybe I need to focus on myself more. And not be upset if FQF and Easter(and Mardi Gras and Halloween and Thanksgiving) doesn't work out. I was actually so close to going into a relationship hiatus/break till after he stopped working when I was so depressed around November.. So close. I even talked to close friends about it. I tried talking to him less to make it easier, it almost worked. But something snapped in me around Christmas and our one year anniversary and I knew I wanted this for the long haul. I just don't want that feeling to return.
Fuck it *I'm* opening that bottle of wine without him. and I'm going to enjoy it by myself. I need it.