(no subject)
I'm a bit on cloud 9 right now. Drinking my coffee early in the morning with a good hour to spare before work. Decent job, good hours, tips aren't bad. Working at a place that wanted me and are giving me more hours doing another job. A work schedule that gives me time to take classes(dance) and do my fire stuff. Probably getting Easter off. And a hard working boyfriend who is about to move in.
This job is something I need to move forward. In my own ways. Ive been wanting to take burlesque classes. I dunno if I've been shy or lazy but I finally did it yesterday and I knew it was going to be an intense class, its also the reason I talked myself into it. I dunno if I want to get to far in performing or just to work in the scene but I find as performer, burlesque has the most personality. Many fire performers lack this. As if spinning fire around their head is all the need to do to get peoples attention. Fire works, but not for long. This class was about recontact/sensuality. I don't think I was at my best in the class(being the newbie, tired, whatever..).
I also talked to an ex coworker yesterday that put my mind to ease a bit about my old job. They fired me but never replaced me. Confirming what I was thinking, that they had too many people already and they were making stupid excuses to fire me. She said they miss me and we should all try to get together soon. I was worried that maybe they secret had something against me(I don't know why I was fired so my mind came up with a bunch of stories). I really do miss them. It was a fun crew. Even the one who came up with petty reasons to fire me made my day easier. Thats why it hurt more.
An old idea popped into my head. And Kevins mom encouraged it even if it was a quick suggestion. I was going through tumblr and pictures of Colorado came up on my feed(I guess that happens when you follow a Boulder tumblr). I wonder if I could still do my trip. I was really set on going to Colorado for a few months about 2 years ago. So close to going. I had a few medical check ups. One came back that said I needed treatment and a precautionary screening(nothing serious, but less learned, always use protection kids). Then an offer to invest. Bought a condo. Had to stay home to try to get a loan. Never got the loan from the bank but I got the condo. It'll be paid off in 5 years(probably a bit less now). THEN I met Kevin. The worse(but not really :) ) thing happened. I got attached. I think I was always afraid of getting attached.. I dunno but the reason why I was afraid of getting attached happened, I didn't want to leave. This is all on me. He is not controlling or over protective. I'm thinking I may be getting to that point where I'm less attached. NO not in the way I love him less, but the fact I love him more. It was Kevins mom that said he would trust me if I left to go to Colorado.
I dunno... maybe I can't do it. For relationship and future reasons. I just feel like I let myself down for not going through with it but in the same way don't regret it. Regret is the saddest thing. Everything you did makes you into the person you are and I don't regret who I am. I wouldn't have given up making the investment or meeting Kevin for anything.
This job is something I need to move forward. In my own ways. Ive been wanting to take burlesque classes. I dunno if I've been shy or lazy but I finally did it yesterday and I knew it was going to be an intense class, its also the reason I talked myself into it. I dunno if I want to get to far in performing or just to work in the scene but I find as performer, burlesque has the most personality. Many fire performers lack this. As if spinning fire around their head is all the need to do to get peoples attention. Fire works, but not for long. This class was about recontact/sensuality. I don't think I was at my best in the class(being the newbie, tired, whatever..).
I also talked to an ex coworker yesterday that put my mind to ease a bit about my old job. They fired me but never replaced me. Confirming what I was thinking, that they had too many people already and they were making stupid excuses to fire me. She said they miss me and we should all try to get together soon. I was worried that maybe they secret had something against me(I don't know why I was fired so my mind came up with a bunch of stories). I really do miss them. It was a fun crew. Even the one who came up with petty reasons to fire me made my day easier. Thats why it hurt more.
An old idea popped into my head. And Kevins mom encouraged it even if it was a quick suggestion. I was going through tumblr and pictures of Colorado came up on my feed(I guess that happens when you follow a Boulder tumblr). I wonder if I could still do my trip. I was really set on going to Colorado for a few months about 2 years ago. So close to going. I had a few medical check ups. One came back that said I needed treatment and a precautionary screening(nothing serious, but less learned, always use protection kids). Then an offer to invest. Bought a condo. Had to stay home to try to get a loan. Never got the loan from the bank but I got the condo. It'll be paid off in 5 years(probably a bit less now). THEN I met Kevin. The worse(but not really :) ) thing happened. I got attached. I think I was always afraid of getting attached.. I dunno but the reason why I was afraid of getting attached happened, I didn't want to leave. This is all on me. He is not controlling or over protective. I'm thinking I may be getting to that point where I'm less attached. NO not in the way I love him less, but the fact I love him more. It was Kevins mom that said he would trust me if I left to go to Colorado.
I dunno... maybe I can't do it. For relationship and future reasons. I just feel like I let myself down for not going through with it but in the same way don't regret it. Regret is the saddest thing. Everything you did makes you into the person you are and I don't regret who I am. I wouldn't have given up making the investment or meeting Kevin for anything.