Grrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so terribly frustrated right now. I met this guy about a 1 1/2 years ago and finally about a month ago we sorta hooked up. I was totally stoked. I have over time turned into a very picky person when it comes to men that I like. I haven't had very many relationships but I know what I am looking for, for the most part. So it was totally awsome that I liked this guy and as it turned out he liked me to. Well tonight I got a message on yahoo telling me he has gotten his internet up (it had been down for a while). I said cool and then I had been meaning to ask him that after the semester was over if it was ok to come and visit him. He replied that it was ok as long as I came as a friend and then followed up with that he has someone in his life now. I was hurt, then pissed, and then a whole lotta other feelings. I asked him why he didn't tell me before. He then responded that it just happened suddenly and when we hooked up he didn't have this person and also said he doesn't want me to stop talking to him. My thoughts about it are really this, that if I was in his mind as much as he was in mine he wouldn't have hooked up with someone else, but I didn't say that and I thought about it for a few and then thought to myself that it is better to have a new friend, that I enjoy his company, then to not have anything at all. So I told him that. He then sent a few more messages stating he didn't mean to hurt my feelings and such. It is all ok I suppose but that still doesn't get rid of the frustration. I have been single for 2 years and I was fine with it (actually I was thinking about 3 weeks prior to the convention that I really enjoyed being single) until that weekend when we hooked up. Now I feel like I am missing something. It doesn't help that I have wanted a family since I was 18 and I am about to turn 24 in 2 1/2 weeks. Maybe I want it too much. Maybe because I want it too much I cannot have it. Maybe destiny is just really frellin mean and is having fun with me. Nah not the last one because I know I could have someone if maybe I would loose some of my pickyness and maybe got a little bit more socialable and maybe tried harder. Oh well "sa la vi" (god someone correct that for me cause I know i didn't spell that right) life will go on and who needs relationships really (ok my cinicle side is getting the best of me).