Crack is just better than regular. Crack troops. A crack team. Crack fic.
I really don't understand how I can have, like, five perfectly normal, respectable fics in the works (including the last installment of warning_labels, aka the GUILT RIDDEN ALBATROSS AROUND MY NECK), none of which I can seem to complete, but then all of a sudden my brain wants to write more than 3000 words of a JONAS BROTHERS/BAND OF BROTHERS CROSSOVER in under 24 hours. While going to work and stuff. (You're welcome, employer.) I'm saying this now so you can get your mockery out of the way. In my defense, it's a) fodian's fault, and b) the Jonas Brothers's fault for making this video, which I maintain is actually objectively good (... probably. Right? I think?):
UM, ANYWAY, MOVING ON, SOME TOP FIVES.
Top Five Life Ships (for reveininsanity)
1) Charlie/Ted -- For season 1, this is totally my ship. I mean, the dudes were in PRISON together, they totally did it at least once. Also, they're so freaking married it kills me -- I love those domestic intimacy, best-friend ships. Ted understands Charlie in a way no one else does -- that whole scene in episode 3 when Ted's putting up a fence to keep out coyotes, and Charlie comes home and looks agitated and just says, "A fence?" And then Ted gets it and takes it down? MY HEART, YOU GUYS.
2) Charlie/Jennifer -- I usually like the idea of Jennifer's character more than the execution (sometimes I think about how the actress was originally going to be Claudia Black and MY MIND EXPLODES with how awesome that would've been; stupid Malibu Barbie actress they have now); but homg, Charlie/Jennifer this season, you guys. THAT MAKEOUT SCENE. I was spoiled for them going a Charlie/Jennifer direction, and I was dubious because I thought the Charlie/Jennifer anger arc had been pretty well wrapped up in season 1 and I didn't see a reason to revisit it. But then they TOTALLY went a different direction, with the anger/pain resolved but the two of them really missing each other, and banking on their history, so it's a totally different relationship than I thought it would be, and it works SO WELL and is so hot. I should've believed in you all along, show.
3) Charlie/Connie -- I'm not the world's biggest Connie fan, because she's kind of a wretch, but these two are SO SEXY in their scenes together. Plus, all the HISTORY, and the completely textual you-and-me-against-the-world -- ahhh, those things are my Kryptonite. I'm not going to say that I've watched their scene in the pilot and their scene at the end of ep 4 more times than any person ever should, but... well.
4) Charlie/Dani -- I didn't ship these two until season 2, really, because I love their sibling dynamic, and how they were building up trust, and how Dani doesn't even really like Charlie and just finds him annoying... but once season 2 hit and they were finishing each other's sentences and acting SO PARTNERY I couldn't even stand it. Cop partners are my biggest weakness, so I knew it would come for me eventually. Good thing they're both so hot.
5) Okay, I had a hard time coming up with a fifth, because those four are the only ships I really have, but I'm going to settle down on Connie/Dani -- I've totally read some fic for them that I enjoyed, and their weird possessive/jealous relationship and how uncomfortable it makes Charlie really delights me, so. Ta da!
Top Five Damian Lewis Quotes (for fodian), aka, the Five Worst Things Ever Said By a Human. I don't know, you guys, DLew is kind of a terrible person. It's mortifying.
1) "Oh, and I suppose I went through a period when I thought posh actors couldn't be interesting actors. And I wore a lot of black until a friend of mine said he thought it was making me sexually aggressive." (Source)
(HAHAHAHAHA WTF. That's maybe my favorite thing anyone has ever said, not just DLew. What is his DEAL?)
2) "Interview: Name something you truly believe in.
DLew: Family. And rehabilitation for those who have been radicalised as a result of poverty and ignorance. " (Source)
(When I read this article I literally burst out laughing out loud at that one, then realized that he was not kidding, because that interview is not an episode of The Office. Oh DLew, why so pretentious? I'm not going to lie, I quote this one a lot.)
3) "Do you drink too much Damian? "Yes." Drugs? "Have done." Heavy drugs? "No comment."" (Source)
(This one kills me because, DUDE. Do not admit to doing hard drugs in an interview! Why does your publicist let you out alone??)
4) "I suppose I'll stay single until I'm knocked over by a hot gust of wind and a beautiful vision." (Source)
(Hahahahahaha. This one is sort of emblematic in that that is the douchey/hilarious way he always seems to talk. This quote is also especially excellent because he was TOTALLY dating Helen McCrory, whom he would eventually marry, at the time, so was just telling bold-faced lies. I also quote this one a lot.)
5) "[Ted]'s the one guy who Charlie can share his experience with. I use the analogy of war veterans, people who come back and feel isolated and disenfranchised because there's no one that'll understand what they've been through. So [Earley] is an emotional crutch for [Crews] and, you know, he's his boyfriend, for Christ's sake. You know, he's his emotional partner as well as just a roommate." (Source)
(I enjoy this quote because it totally implies/states both that Ted/Charlie is a thing on Life, and that Winters/Nixon was a thing on BoB. Yessssssss, Damian, tell me more of your thoughts on this matter. Also, note how this is the only quote I included that is not my favorite because of how douchey it is. That's just how being a fan of DLew is, guys.)
Top Five Hottest TV Makeouts (for mozarts_friend)
1) Charlie/Jennifer from episode 2.02 of Life -- Ummmmmmm homg. It's just a really good scene you guys. I really like how they work their history into it, and how good the actors are, and how just as the two of them are walking to the car, you can tell from their body language that they're thinking about sex. WELL DONE. P.S. IT'S REALLY HOT.
2) JD/Carla on Scrubs -- This one was totally unexpected, but a VERY VERY HOT KISS. It had never occurred to me to ship JD/Carla before, but I WAS ON BOARD AFTER THIS.
3) Spike/Anya in season 6 of Buffy -- Another very unexpected ship that turned out to be super hot. Hey, remember when she says he smells really good? YESS. (Also, why is this clip only on ITALIAN YOUTUBE? Also why is it so funny in Italian? Also, don't look at me, moireach found it, I don't know how to search for things on Italian youtube. And English youtube only brought me a whole terrifying world of AU fanvids involving them.)
4) Jim/Pam Casino Night kiss -- Jim and Pam are kind of boring right now, and I'm not a big Jim fan anymore, but I'm not going to lie, when this happened, I made high pitched squeaky noises and then I didn't sleep for days. So. That's a good makeout, I guess.
5) Bayliss/Dr. Julianna Cox in season 6 of Homicide:LotS -- I haven't watched this season of Homicide in a couple years, but I just remember that Bayliss was figuring out he was bisexual, but also kind of flirting with this lady doctor, and then at the Christmas party at the bar he kisses her in this VERY VERY HOT WAY. Oh, Bayliss, I love you. I wish this kiss was on youtube. Also, I've been bittorrenting season 6 of Homicide for like a full week and it's not done yet, goddammit.
Top Five Pictures of Damian Lewis (for pennylane83)
5.
That's Damian with his wife and baby daughter, and, uh, MY OVARIES &c. Look how HAPPY he looks looking at that kid. He is really into babies for being such a dbag, I'll say that for him.
4.
This picture was taken by a fan, like, a million years ago. I don't know, I like candid celeb pictures, like, that aren't professional and look like they're just a person whose friend took a picture when they weren't looking. P.S. DLew is a hottie in this picture. Also, I like that he's reading on a train, I don't know.
3.
Ummmmmmmm yes. Soccer playing? Perfect action shot? Corner of his tongue sticking out of his mouth? EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS PICTURE IS GOLD. Also he looks like such a boyyyyyyyyyyy.
2.
This is him and his wife Helen McCrory when they were in the play together where they met. For some reason I love this picture -- that he's looking up but she's looking at the camera, how red his hair is, I don't know.
1.
JACKET WITH HOODIE. SLEEPY QUIET EXPRESSION. LEANING FORWARD. HOW LIKE A BOY HE LOOKS. I cannot even deal with this picture, it is my all-time favorite.
Bonus:
Okay, this is not in my top 5, but is bonus hilarity, because hahahahahaha, this picture makes me laugh SO HARD every time I see it. It is the picture next to douchebag in the dictionary, no question. CIGARETTE. UNBUTTONED SHIRT. HAND ON GIRL'S ASS. CLEARLY DRUNK BEYOND BELIEF. What are you doing with yourself, DLew?
More Top 5s to come!
Click to viewUM, ANYWAY, MOVING ON, SOME TOP FIVES.
Top Five Life Ships (for reveininsanity)
1) Charlie/Ted -- For season 1, this is totally my ship. I mean, the dudes were in PRISON together, they totally did it at least once. Also, they're so freaking married it kills me -- I love those domestic intimacy, best-friend ships. Ted understands Charlie in a way no one else does -- that whole scene in episode 3 when Ted's putting up a fence to keep out coyotes, and Charlie comes home and looks agitated and just says, "A fence?" And then Ted gets it and takes it down? MY HEART, YOU GUYS.
2) Charlie/Jennifer -- I usually like the idea of Jennifer's character more than the execution (sometimes I think about how the actress was originally going to be Claudia Black and MY MIND EXPLODES with how awesome that would've been; stupid Malibu Barbie actress they have now); but homg, Charlie/Jennifer this season, you guys. THAT MAKEOUT SCENE. I was spoiled for them going a Charlie/Jennifer direction, and I was dubious because I thought the Charlie/Jennifer anger arc had been pretty well wrapped up in season 1 and I didn't see a reason to revisit it. But then they TOTALLY went a different direction, with the anger/pain resolved but the two of them really missing each other, and banking on their history, so it's a totally different relationship than I thought it would be, and it works SO WELL and is so hot. I should've believed in you all along, show.
3) Charlie/Connie -- I'm not the world's biggest Connie fan, because she's kind of a wretch, but these two are SO SEXY in their scenes together. Plus, all the HISTORY, and the completely textual you-and-me-against-the-world -- ahhh, those things are my Kryptonite. I'm not going to say that I've watched their scene in the pilot and their scene at the end of ep 4 more times than any person ever should, but... well.
4) Charlie/Dani -- I didn't ship these two until season 2, really, because I love their sibling dynamic, and how they were building up trust, and how Dani doesn't even really like Charlie and just finds him annoying... but once season 2 hit and they were finishing each other's sentences and acting SO PARTNERY I couldn't even stand it. Cop partners are my biggest weakness, so I knew it would come for me eventually. Good thing they're both so hot.
5) Okay, I had a hard time coming up with a fifth, because those four are the only ships I really have, but I'm going to settle down on Connie/Dani -- I've totally read some fic for them that I enjoyed, and their weird possessive/jealous relationship and how uncomfortable it makes Charlie really delights me, so. Ta da!
Top Five Damian Lewis Quotes (for fodian), aka, the Five Worst Things Ever Said By a Human. I don't know, you guys, DLew is kind of a terrible person. It's mortifying.
1) "Oh, and I suppose I went through a period when I thought posh actors couldn't be interesting actors. And I wore a lot of black until a friend of mine said he thought it was making me sexually aggressive." (Source)
(HAHAHAHAHA WTF. That's maybe my favorite thing anyone has ever said, not just DLew. What is his DEAL?)
2) "Interview: Name something you truly believe in.
DLew: Family. And rehabilitation for those who have been radicalised as a result of poverty and ignorance. " (Source)
(When I read this article I literally burst out laughing out loud at that one, then realized that he was not kidding, because that interview is not an episode of The Office. Oh DLew, why so pretentious? I'm not going to lie, I quote this one a lot.)
3) "Do you drink too much Damian? "Yes." Drugs? "Have done." Heavy drugs? "No comment."" (Source)
(This one kills me because, DUDE. Do not admit to doing hard drugs in an interview! Why does your publicist let you out alone??)
4) "I suppose I'll stay single until I'm knocked over by a hot gust of wind and a beautiful vision." (Source)
(Hahahahahaha. This one is sort of emblematic in that that is the douchey/hilarious way he always seems to talk. This quote is also especially excellent because he was TOTALLY dating Helen McCrory, whom he would eventually marry, at the time, so was just telling bold-faced lies. I also quote this one a lot.)
5) "[Ted]'s the one guy who Charlie can share his experience with. I use the analogy of war veterans, people who come back and feel isolated and disenfranchised because there's no one that'll understand what they've been through. So [Earley] is an emotional crutch for [Crews] and, you know, he's his boyfriend, for Christ's sake. You know, he's his emotional partner as well as just a roommate." (Source)
(I enjoy this quote because it totally implies/states both that Ted/Charlie is a thing on Life, and that Winters/Nixon was a thing on BoB. Yessssssss, Damian, tell me more of your thoughts on this matter. Also, note how this is the only quote I included that is not my favorite because of how douchey it is. That's just how being a fan of DLew is, guys.)
Top Five Hottest TV Makeouts (for mozarts_friend)
1) Charlie/Jennifer from episode 2.02 of Life -- Ummmmmmm homg. It's just a really good scene you guys. I really like how they work their history into it, and how good the actors are, and how just as the two of them are walking to the car, you can tell from their body language that they're thinking about sex. WELL DONE. P.S. IT'S REALLY HOT.
2) JD/Carla on Scrubs -- This one was totally unexpected, but a VERY VERY HOT KISS. It had never occurred to me to ship JD/Carla before, but I WAS ON BOARD AFTER THIS.
3) Spike/Anya in season 6 of Buffy -- Another very unexpected ship that turned out to be super hot. Hey, remember when she says he smells really good? YESS. (Also, why is this clip only on ITALIAN YOUTUBE? Also why is it so funny in Italian? Also, don't look at me, moireach found it, I don't know how to search for things on Italian youtube. And English youtube only brought me a whole terrifying world of AU fanvids involving them.)
4) Jim/Pam Casino Night kiss -- Jim and Pam are kind of boring right now, and I'm not a big Jim fan anymore, but I'm not going to lie, when this happened, I made high pitched squeaky noises and then I didn't sleep for days. So. That's a good makeout, I guess.
5) Bayliss/Dr. Julianna Cox in season 6 of Homicide:LotS -- I haven't watched this season of Homicide in a couple years, but I just remember that Bayliss was figuring out he was bisexual, but also kind of flirting with this lady doctor, and then at the Christmas party at the bar he kisses her in this VERY VERY HOT WAY. Oh, Bayliss, I love you. I wish this kiss was on youtube. Also, I've been bittorrenting season 6 of Homicide for like a full week and it's not done yet, goddammit.
Top Five Pictures of Damian Lewis (for pennylane83)
5.
That's Damian with his wife and baby daughter, and, uh, MY OVARIES &c. Look how HAPPY he looks looking at that kid. He is really into babies for being such a dbag, I'll say that for him.
4.
This picture was taken by a fan, like, a million years ago. I don't know, I like candid celeb pictures, like, that aren't professional and look like they're just a person whose friend took a picture when they weren't looking. P.S. DLew is a hottie in this picture. Also, I like that he's reading on a train, I don't know.
3.
Ummmmmmmm yes. Soccer playing? Perfect action shot? Corner of his tongue sticking out of his mouth? EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS PICTURE IS GOLD. Also he looks like such a boyyyyyyyyyyy.
2.
This is him and his wife Helen McCrory when they were in the play together where they met. For some reason I love this picture -- that he's looking up but she's looking at the camera, how red his hair is, I don't know.
1.
JACKET WITH HOODIE. SLEEPY QUIET EXPRESSION. LEANING FORWARD. HOW LIKE A BOY HE LOOKS. I cannot even deal with this picture, it is my all-time favorite.
Bonus:
Okay, this is not in my top 5, but is bonus hilarity, because hahahahahaha, this picture makes me laugh SO HARD every time I see it. It is the picture next to douchebag in the dictionary, no question. CIGARETTE. UNBUTTONED SHIRT. HAND ON GIRL'S ASS. CLEARLY DRUNK BEYOND BELIEF. What are you doing with yourself, DLew?
More Top 5s to come!