It's been a week. . .
I recieved an unexpected phone call last night. It wasn't necessarily surprising, but just unexpected. It was after midnight if I am not mistaken.
Anyways I appreciated it, my friend called me to see how I was doing. He didn't really know what to say, because he never really knows what to say but it still meant a lot. I feel like theres always akwardness between us, and I hate that. I just want to be his friend, but at this point who knows. I'm not going to make the phone call out to be anything more than it was, a bunch of months ago I might have done it, but not anymore. . .
SO this kid, I guess he used to like me, like a really long time ago, for probably only a short time. And then last summer I liked him. But not anymore, not for a while now. Which is relieving, because there is nothing worse in the world than having certain feelings for someone, when they are not recipracated. (sp?)And there's a lot of shit I have delt with so far, so I can attest to the validity of that statement.
Anyways I have a feeling that he thinks I still like him, which I don't. I'm not just saying it, I don't. So I always feels like theres this akwardness between us when we talk which isn't very often, because he's not that capable of conversation. So I have learned to stop worrying about what's going on with us, it's probably nothing, probably me just over analyzing it, which I often do with a lot of things. So whatever, that's all I have to say pretty much.
Yea so boys, love, relationships who knows what any of that is, because I sure as hell don't. I've never had like an actual "boyfriend". I mean I've dated guys and stuff but nothing too serious. At my age some people might not want to admit that, but I don't give a shit what people think, including YOU.
So at this point I don't care anymore, I've stopped worrying about it. Guys, who cares. If something happens, then it happens. But I'm not looking for anything, and my life is a lot better since. After discovering all of the girls and gay boys at my school hope is somewhat lost. But whatever. That's all I have to say about anything anymore, whatever.
"I don't care much go or stay, I don't care very much either way so if you kiss him, if you stay, warnings fair, I don't care very much."- Cabaret. That's my feelings towards basically everything. Because once you start to care, and get involved, then there is pain. Desire creates pain. So I don't care. I'm not getting involved anymore. I have my family, my friends, theatre, and God and of course my GREEKNESS. . . So that's all I need. Other than that, whatever. Fuck, I don't care.
And by reading this, you might have decided a certain attitude that I carry around with me all the time. And I said before that I don't care what YOU think. But I just don't want to be misunderstood. Don't think that I'm this angry person full of resentment or hate or emptiness. I'm a pretty happy person, I just get pissed off and frusterated extremely easily, but it usually doesn't last very long. I think I'm bipolar, because one second I'll be screaming my ass off, and the next I'll be laughing my ass off. I yell a lot and mostly to the people I love the most, but I have a lot of love for them. If that makes any sense. Whatever, fuck it, this is my journal dammit, I don't have to defend myself.
Tune in next time folks for more updates on Anna's life. . . .
Anyways I appreciated it, my friend called me to see how I was doing. He didn't really know what to say, because he never really knows what to say but it still meant a lot. I feel like theres always akwardness between us, and I hate that. I just want to be his friend, but at this point who knows. I'm not going to make the phone call out to be anything more than it was, a bunch of months ago I might have done it, but not anymore. . .
SO this kid, I guess he used to like me, like a really long time ago, for probably only a short time. And then last summer I liked him. But not anymore, not for a while now. Which is relieving, because there is nothing worse in the world than having certain feelings for someone, when they are not recipracated. (sp?)And there's a lot of shit I have delt with so far, so I can attest to the validity of that statement.
Anyways I have a feeling that he thinks I still like him, which I don't. I'm not just saying it, I don't. So I always feels like theres this akwardness between us when we talk which isn't very often, because he's not that capable of conversation. So I have learned to stop worrying about what's going on with us, it's probably nothing, probably me just over analyzing it, which I often do with a lot of things. So whatever, that's all I have to say pretty much.
Yea so boys, love, relationships who knows what any of that is, because I sure as hell don't. I've never had like an actual "boyfriend". I mean I've dated guys and stuff but nothing too serious. At my age some people might not want to admit that, but I don't give a shit what people think, including YOU.
So at this point I don't care anymore, I've stopped worrying about it. Guys, who cares. If something happens, then it happens. But I'm not looking for anything, and my life is a lot better since. After discovering all of the girls and gay boys at my school hope is somewhat lost. But whatever. That's all I have to say about anything anymore, whatever.
"I don't care much go or stay, I don't care very much either way so if you kiss him, if you stay, warnings fair, I don't care very much."- Cabaret. That's my feelings towards basically everything. Because once you start to care, and get involved, then there is pain. Desire creates pain. So I don't care. I'm not getting involved anymore. I have my family, my friends, theatre, and God and of course my GREEKNESS. . . So that's all I need. Other than that, whatever. Fuck, I don't care.
And by reading this, you might have decided a certain attitude that I carry around with me all the time. And I said before that I don't care what YOU think. But I just don't want to be misunderstood. Don't think that I'm this angry person full of resentment or hate or emptiness. I'm a pretty happy person, I just get pissed off and frusterated extremely easily, but it usually doesn't last very long. I think I'm bipolar, because one second I'll be screaming my ass off, and the next I'll be laughing my ass off. I yell a lot and mostly to the people I love the most, but I have a lot of love for them. If that makes any sense. Whatever, fuck it, this is my journal dammit, I don't have to defend myself.
Tune in next time folks for more updates on Anna's life. . . .