Confusion
Okay so here's the dealio folks. . . I have been confused about some things lately, and it's hard to put it all in words, but I'll try. Maybe it's because I watched Dogma the other day but I don't know.
I wouldn't necessarily say that I've been having doubts, but it kind of feels that way. I have a very strong faith in both God and Jesus Christ. I love my Religion. I love going to Church and smelling the incense, hearing the beautifl chants of the Psalti, and of course the fellowship. Being around my fellow Greeks at Church is an amazingly comforting feeling. Although, there are so many other religions, and beliefs and philosophies in the world, that people are dedicated to as much as I am dedicated to my faith. So I can't help but wonder how do I know, my faith is correct?
I know it's not about being right or wrong. I know that it's about the faith you have. Faith is blind, you just have to trust God and believe in him. And I don't necessarily doubt God's existence, but if there are so many other beliefs in the world, how do I know that God truly does exist? I know thinking that, and even saying it out loud and writing that is a sin, but I mean I can't help it to some extent.
I think what gets to me the most is that I kind of feel like there is nothing more important than your faith. As long as you pray, read the Bible, and have a good relationship with God, then shouldn't that be enough? But I also realize that God made a great many sacrifices for us, so we should do the same out of love and respect for him. I know that you have to have faith, but that is not enough. You have to participate in the Sacraments. The Sacraments are the base for the Church. If you do not recieve Holy Communion, go to Confession, and partake in Holy Unction, then the Holy Spirit is not present in your body. You have to have the Holy Spirit in your body to have any sort of Connection with God. I understand that.
I know I am contradicting myself a lot. Another thing is that there are so many people who are good Christians, yet not good people. How does one explain that? The most fun loving example is the Catholic Priests who molest young children. Obviously I know that all Catholic Priests do not do that, but a lot of them do. I also know that I should not judge. God is the only one who has the ability to judge. I know a lot of people who are good people, loving, caring, forgiving etc. who are not Christians. Some of other Religions and Faiths, some who have no Religion or Faith. Some who don't believe in anything. So how does one explain that? Is it better to be a good person, or a good Christian? Idealy I feel that I should be both. But at the same time, it seems hard. And I know that Faith is supposed to be hard. If it were easy, then everyone would have faith in God. That is something I am realizing now.
When I go to Church, read the Bible, or go to Camp, it seems easy to have Faith. But at times when I am outside of those situations it feels really hard to have Faith. When I am surrounded by Orthodox people, who all have the same beliefs that I do, then that is easy to believe. Because nobody is there to challenge you or disprove your beliefs. When I have discussions with people who have other beliefs, then sometimes I wonder about what I believe. For instance when after taking a philosphy class, I often feel the need to re-asses my life and my beliefs.
I know I am contradicting myself and second guessing myself a lot. I feel like Charlie Brown or something. So basically what I have been able to decide for the time being is this. You have to have Faith in God. You must take a certain amount of innetiative, for instance you have to pray on your own, read the Bible on your own and fast. But you also have to participate in the Sacraments. Having a relationship with God means that you have to have a relationship with him inside and outside of the Church. Not just one or the other. And as far as all the other beliefs in the world, well I don't know if anyone is correct. I don't think that any one belief or religion is correct, including my own. It's not about being right or wrong, its about the faith you have. I said this before, Faith is blind. You don't know if what you believe is true, but that does not matter. It is about believing despite the doubts you may have. I'm going to winter camp next week, so hopefully I can get a lot of these things cleared up then. I feel that I need to go to Confession as well. Partly because there are some things that I need to confess, the other part is, well it will be nice to just be able to talk about some things that are confusing me at the moment. I don't expect all of my questions to be answered. I don't think they ever will. But it's good to be able to talk to someone, where you know everything is entirely confidential, and you won't be judged.
I feel better now. I feel that it is okay to have doubts. Because if you don't have doubts or don't realize the doubts you have, then you will never be able to clear them up. And if you can't clear them up, then your relationship with God, and the understanding of the Religion will never become stronger.
I wouldn't necessarily say that I've been having doubts, but it kind of feels that way. I have a very strong faith in both God and Jesus Christ. I love my Religion. I love going to Church and smelling the incense, hearing the beautifl chants of the Psalti, and of course the fellowship. Being around my fellow Greeks at Church is an amazingly comforting feeling. Although, there are so many other religions, and beliefs and philosophies in the world, that people are dedicated to as much as I am dedicated to my faith. So I can't help but wonder how do I know, my faith is correct?
I know it's not about being right or wrong. I know that it's about the faith you have. Faith is blind, you just have to trust God and believe in him. And I don't necessarily doubt God's existence, but if there are so many other beliefs in the world, how do I know that God truly does exist? I know thinking that, and even saying it out loud and writing that is a sin, but I mean I can't help it to some extent.
I think what gets to me the most is that I kind of feel like there is nothing more important than your faith. As long as you pray, read the Bible, and have a good relationship with God, then shouldn't that be enough? But I also realize that God made a great many sacrifices for us, so we should do the same out of love and respect for him. I know that you have to have faith, but that is not enough. You have to participate in the Sacraments. The Sacraments are the base for the Church. If you do not recieve Holy Communion, go to Confession, and partake in Holy Unction, then the Holy Spirit is not present in your body. You have to have the Holy Spirit in your body to have any sort of Connection with God. I understand that.
I know I am contradicting myself a lot. Another thing is that there are so many people who are good Christians, yet not good people. How does one explain that? The most fun loving example is the Catholic Priests who molest young children. Obviously I know that all Catholic Priests do not do that, but a lot of them do. I also know that I should not judge. God is the only one who has the ability to judge. I know a lot of people who are good people, loving, caring, forgiving etc. who are not Christians. Some of other Religions and Faiths, some who have no Religion or Faith. Some who don't believe in anything. So how does one explain that? Is it better to be a good person, or a good Christian? Idealy I feel that I should be both. But at the same time, it seems hard. And I know that Faith is supposed to be hard. If it were easy, then everyone would have faith in God. That is something I am realizing now.
When I go to Church, read the Bible, or go to Camp, it seems easy to have Faith. But at times when I am outside of those situations it feels really hard to have Faith. When I am surrounded by Orthodox people, who all have the same beliefs that I do, then that is easy to believe. Because nobody is there to challenge you or disprove your beliefs. When I have discussions with people who have other beliefs, then sometimes I wonder about what I believe. For instance when after taking a philosphy class, I often feel the need to re-asses my life and my beliefs.
I know I am contradicting myself and second guessing myself a lot. I feel like Charlie Brown or something. So basically what I have been able to decide for the time being is this. You have to have Faith in God. You must take a certain amount of innetiative, for instance you have to pray on your own, read the Bible on your own and fast. But you also have to participate in the Sacraments. Having a relationship with God means that you have to have a relationship with him inside and outside of the Church. Not just one or the other. And as far as all the other beliefs in the world, well I don't know if anyone is correct. I don't think that any one belief or religion is correct, including my own. It's not about being right or wrong, its about the faith you have. I said this before, Faith is blind. You don't know if what you believe is true, but that does not matter. It is about believing despite the doubts you may have. I'm going to winter camp next week, so hopefully I can get a lot of these things cleared up then. I feel that I need to go to Confession as well. Partly because there are some things that I need to confess, the other part is, well it will be nice to just be able to talk about some things that are confusing me at the moment. I don't expect all of my questions to be answered. I don't think they ever will. But it's good to be able to talk to someone, where you know everything is entirely confidential, and you won't be judged.
I feel better now. I feel that it is okay to have doubts. Because if you don't have doubts or don't realize the doubts you have, then you will never be able to clear them up. And if you can't clear them up, then your relationship with God, and the understanding of the Religion will never become stronger.