Just bite it, Meyer
Uncle, I cry! Uncle!
Well, I did it. Believe me when I say that for a while, I didn't think I'd do it - and then my brother, of all people, told me not to give up.
Once again, the story begins with all being right in Bella's world: she's about to marry her true love Edward and is preparing (inasmuch as one can prepare) for immortality as a vampire. Joining the Cullen family - and being with Edward - is enough compensation for the fact that she will never be able to see either of her parents (as humans cannot know about vampires and still live) or Jacob, her best friend who is angry at her choice of lifestyle. After a blissful honeymoon, Bella discovers that she's pregnant; horrified at the prospect, since she is still a human, Edward gets them home quickly where Jacob is suddenly in their lives again. As Bella is determined to keep whatever is growing inside her, Jacob undergoes a transformation from beta to alpha wolf and unwillingly forms a new pack. But as harrowing as Bella's experience is, the Cullens cannot imagine the dangers that face them after the birth. There will be heartbreak, a ruthless murder, and a potential war amongst the vampire community ... and Bella herself will discover she has a trick up her sleeve.
Where to start? I was so close to giving this book an unabashedly negative review, due to my frustation at the first two-thirds that chronicle Bella's horrifying pregnancy and Jacob's exasperation at everything. I am now fully sick, not just because of the image of the birth itself and Bella drinking blood to sustain her baby's health, but because of Meyer's static plotting and constant use of "chagrin." This is a book that manages to be disgusting and relatively boring at the same time: mind-numbing passages that make my eyes glaze over, poor character development, a conflict that feels entirely tacked-on. Rosalie being bitter and selfish. Imprinting. Renesmee the half-vampire's disturbing perfection. Edward and Bella constantly having sex (thank God it's only when no one else is around). Bad guys who fail to sustain a threat. Did I mention all the "chagrins"?
What really baffles me - not angers, but just plain baffles - is that the conflict that is present in the last third of the book is, by itself, endlessly fascinating. It's still plagued with Meyer's slow-as-molasses pacing and loquacious prose, but nevertheless it provides a real thrill. If this war between vampires had been written as a legitimate story - even its own series - by a different, more experienced author, it would have been all the more satisfying. Even the secret power Bella ends up having is pretty cool (it also made me think a lot of the ending of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and I now see a basis in comparing these two series). I also liked reading from Jacob's perspective because, unlike Bella, he has a distinct personality. Ultimately, though, the majority of the book struck me as downright nonsensical and superfluous, with characters who have little or no endearing qualities and fail to inspire me in any way.
One more word. Alice. Kate. Zafrina. These are three very strong, clever, funny, flawed female characters. Why, why, WHY couldn't Bella have been written more like them? Why was the story of Bella and her one true love a story wherein things happen to her, rather than her making anything happen herself? She can certainly be independent and still have a romance (see: Alice and Jasper), but Meyer chose not to write her this way. I'm not saying that her independence would necessarily render her more interesting, but at least the story of the two lovers wouldn't have such disturbing overtones. Which, by the way, only alienated me more from the characters.
Rating: 2 half-immortals out of 5. And I'm spent.