It's showtime (prologue - ch. 5)
I am bored. I have school in a week, which makes me want to spend my last few days wisely. So why am I snarking Super Special #9 "Starring the Baby-sitters Club!"?
Summary: Stoneybrook is putting on Peter Pan. And we get to watch every character exhibit their most negative character traits. Luckily, this book holds no nostalgic value for me, so I'm ready to mock it into the next century. Let's begin.
This is technically a "Jessi" book, since she narrates the prologue and the epilogue. There's only about one other Jessi book I've read, so she's never been my favorite. She's eleven years old and a ballet dancer. Oh, and black - she's "one of the few African-American kids in my school (for that matter, in my town)." But I'm sure she'd not bitter or anything.
After a not-so-brief description of her family and her "passion" of ballet, we get into it. She tells us that she is now working for the school paper *conveniently* and gets to report on the school's production (actually a district-wide production) of Peter Pan. I once reported on our high school's production of Wizard of Oz, which was totes cool, but Jessi says she'll "cover the extravaganza from start to finish ... write about the hopes and dreams of the cast members ... [and] be an on-spot reporter." Yikes. She feels bad for people who won't get any parts and the ghostwriter foreshadows about "coping with disappointment." Smooth, ghostwriter. (Um, if there's no "the author would like to thank ____ for helping prepare this manuscript," are we to assume this was actually written by AMM?)
In Chapter 1, we meet Mallory. Jessi tells us they bond over complaining that the fact that "our parents ... treat us like such babies." V. mature, Jessi. Also, Mal's apparently into art and sewing. Wait a sec. Claudia's the girl who loves art. Mal's the freaking writer. Get your facts straight, AMM. Oh, that's right - this is more foreshadowing as to what kind of role Mal will have in the play. Never mind. Anyway, we meet the rest of the BSC and Kristy starts chattering on about the play, ignoring Jessi, who has some actual news. "Kristy likes to think she's our leader," says AMM, which I guess is better than saying "Kristy is our leader." But she finally gets to tell them and they're happy for her, and then Jessi makes the incredible assumption that she will get the starring role. Mary Anne says, "But it's an important role. Don't you think an eighth-grader might get it?" AMM says that MA "is the most sensitive, tactful person" ever, and lemme tell ya, NONE of that seemed very tactful or sensitive. Jessi's answer that the best person that tries out for it will get it, which would impress me more if she wasn't so sure that it'll be her.
Chapter 2 - Kristy. Oh. Yay. To start off, the little written blurb at the beginning of the chapter does NOT sound like a 13-year-old girl. It sounds like a newspaper reporter who's phoning it in. I dunno. "Excitement is running high here in BSC headquarters"? Lame. So she describes her family - yawn - and says of Bart Taylor: "Some people might call Bart my boyfriend, but that's just a matter of semantics." Hmm. Did you know the meaning of the word "semantics" when you were 13? (If yes, then you are smarter than me.) Something about that just doesn't ring true.
Oh, joy. We get our description of the BSC members from Kristy, too. This means we just get the facts, ma'am, and no outfits. Boo. A few things of note - she calls Stacey "sick" because of her diabetes ... is that right? It sounds off. Kristy also says, "I know Jessi has already introduced herself to you," which sounds awfully weird. Did Kristy, like, read Chapter 1? How does she know??? Boggle!
They discuss which of them will audition for the play. Karen's and Sam's names are mentioned. Remember them (HINT). Fortunately we are spared the actual meeting, so onto -
Chapter 3. Dawn is excited to audition. She wants to be Tiger Lily, and I'm finally starting to get into the book. It's lunchtime at SMS: Kristy's grossing everyone out with her lunch (lame!) while Dawn is smug because she brought her own healthy lunch with normal-looking food. As someone who made her own lunch every day for high school, I am begrudgingly on Dawn's side here. Claudia wants to design the scenery and Kristy reveals she wants to try out for the role of Nana, the nursedog. That's kind of endearing to me a little, I can't lie. Stacey doesn't want a big role, but would like to be involved. A reasonable request, I suppose. They talk about Jessi and worry that she might be too presumptuous about getting to be Peter Pan. Ya think?
Then Dawn reveals her desire to be Tiger Lily, and suddenly Kristy shushes her. Cokie Mason and Grace Bloom (and their friends, although no one is mentioned by name) are nearby and listening in. Dawn says that "they are mortal enemies of the BSC," and to me that sounds more like something Karen would say, not laid-back Dawn. Somehow Kristy knows that Cokie is trying out for Tiger Lily as well, and this discourages Dawn. "I don't want to beat her and I don't want her to beat me. If I beat her, she'll make my life miserable. If she beats me, I'll never hear the end of it." Okay, I guess those might be legitimate worries for your average teen, but what has Dawn got to fear? She doesn't have a boyfriend for Cokie to steal, and Cokie already teases all of them for being in the BSC. Anyway, we are told that Karen wants to be Tinkerbell in the play, which is sure to drive me to drink when I get to that chapter.
Chapter 4. Stacey's mother drops her off at SMS for the auditions. She spots Sam and they greet each other awkwardly, because "high school guys did not often date middle school girls." I kind of hope not, Stace. Cuz that's bordering on creepy. She joins the BSC (who are of course sitting together, blah). MA's there for moral support. With all the protesting she's done about NOT auditioning, you'd think AMM would have her wind up with a part. No, doesn't happen. Mr. Cheney, the director, introduces himself and starts the auditions. Little kids are up first. But then ... oh no ... OH NO ...
Karen has a tantrum. Right in front of Mr. Cheney. I must quote: "But I want to be Tink! I WANT TO WEAR A FAIRY PRINCESS COSTUME! I WANT TO -"
Fuck you, Karen! Tinkerbell is traditionally represented by lights and tinkly bell sounds. If you want to wear a goddamn fairy princess costume, ask Watson to buy you one! You'll probably be allowed to wear it as long as you want, since no one apparently can stop you. Do I really need to tell you that they fucking let her play Tinkerbell?
Chapter 5. Jessi does this annoying thing where she critiques every one of her friends who auditions. Nobody asks for her opinion, but she gives it anyway. And of course she's internally judge-y about everyone's performance, because as a dancer, apparently she has to share her expert opinion with us the readers. Oh, Jessi. It'd be endearing if it wasn't annoying. Then Dawn auditions - Kristy goades her into it/psyches her up, you could read it both ways. Jessi thinks she's awesome. Apparently nearly all the members have decent singing voices (*coughMARYSUEScough*). Jessi herself is all over-confident and over-prepared for her audition - she had a freakin' resume which she gives to Mr. Cheney, and has choreographed a dance. But it does show that she's put a lot of thought into the role - her dance is filled with lots of jumping to show how Peter Pan would fly.
Mr. Cheney calls a few names, among them Dawn, Kristy, Stacey, Sam, Cokie, and Alan Gray. Jessi's name is not called, but through some kind of logic that doesn't exist on Earth, she takes this to mean she has the part of Peter Pan. Whatevs, kid.
I'll post more this afternoon.
Summary: Stoneybrook is putting on Peter Pan. And we get to watch every character exhibit their most negative character traits. Luckily, this book holds no nostalgic value for me, so I'm ready to mock it into the next century. Let's begin.
This is technically a "Jessi" book, since she narrates the prologue and the epilogue. There's only about one other Jessi book I've read, so she's never been my favorite. She's eleven years old and a ballet dancer. Oh, and black - she's "one of the few African-American kids in my school (for that matter, in my town)." But I'm sure she'd not bitter or anything.
After a not-so-brief description of her family and her "passion" of ballet, we get into it. She tells us that she is now working for the school paper *conveniently* and gets to report on the school's production (actually a district-wide production) of Peter Pan. I once reported on our high school's production of Wizard of Oz, which was totes cool, but Jessi says she'll "cover the extravaganza from start to finish ... write about the hopes and dreams of the cast members ... [and] be an on-spot reporter." Yikes. She feels bad for people who won't get any parts and the ghostwriter foreshadows about "coping with disappointment." Smooth, ghostwriter. (Um, if there's no "the author would like to thank ____ for helping prepare this manuscript," are we to assume this was actually written by AMM?)
In Chapter 1, we meet Mallory. Jessi tells us they bond over complaining that the fact that "our parents ... treat us like such babies." V. mature, Jessi. Also, Mal's apparently into art and sewing. Wait a sec. Claudia's the girl who loves art. Mal's the freaking writer. Get your facts straight, AMM. Oh, that's right - this is more foreshadowing as to what kind of role Mal will have in the play. Never mind. Anyway, we meet the rest of the BSC and Kristy starts chattering on about the play, ignoring Jessi, who has some actual news. "Kristy likes to think she's our leader," says AMM, which I guess is better than saying "Kristy is our leader." But she finally gets to tell them and they're happy for her, and then Jessi makes the incredible assumption that she will get the starring role. Mary Anne says, "But it's an important role. Don't you think an eighth-grader might get it?" AMM says that MA "is the most sensitive, tactful person" ever, and lemme tell ya, NONE of that seemed very tactful or sensitive. Jessi's answer that the best person that tries out for it will get it, which would impress me more if she wasn't so sure that it'll be her.
Chapter 2 - Kristy. Oh. Yay. To start off, the little written blurb at the beginning of the chapter does NOT sound like a 13-year-old girl. It sounds like a newspaper reporter who's phoning it in. I dunno. "Excitement is running high here in BSC headquarters"? Lame. So she describes her family - yawn - and says of Bart Taylor: "Some people might call Bart my boyfriend, but that's just a matter of semantics." Hmm. Did you know the meaning of the word "semantics" when you were 13? (If yes, then you are smarter than me.) Something about that just doesn't ring true.
Oh, joy. We get our description of the BSC members from Kristy, too. This means we just get the facts, ma'am, and no outfits. Boo. A few things of note - she calls Stacey "sick" because of her diabetes ... is that right? It sounds off. Kristy also says, "I know Jessi has already introduced herself to you," which sounds awfully weird. Did Kristy, like, read Chapter 1? How does she know??? Boggle!
They discuss which of them will audition for the play. Karen's and Sam's names are mentioned. Remember them (HINT). Fortunately we are spared the actual meeting, so onto -
Chapter 3. Dawn is excited to audition. She wants to be Tiger Lily, and I'm finally starting to get into the book. It's lunchtime at SMS: Kristy's grossing everyone out with her lunch (lame!) while Dawn is smug because she brought her own healthy lunch with normal-looking food. As someone who made her own lunch every day for high school, I am begrudgingly on Dawn's side here. Claudia wants to design the scenery and Kristy reveals she wants to try out for the role of Nana, the nursedog. That's kind of endearing to me a little, I can't lie. Stacey doesn't want a big role, but would like to be involved. A reasonable request, I suppose. They talk about Jessi and worry that she might be too presumptuous about getting to be Peter Pan. Ya think?
Then Dawn reveals her desire to be Tiger Lily, and suddenly Kristy shushes her. Cokie Mason and Grace Bloom (and their friends, although no one is mentioned by name) are nearby and listening in. Dawn says that "they are mortal enemies of the BSC," and to me that sounds more like something Karen would say, not laid-back Dawn. Somehow Kristy knows that Cokie is trying out for Tiger Lily as well, and this discourages Dawn. "I don't want to beat her and I don't want her to beat me. If I beat her, she'll make my life miserable. If she beats me, I'll never hear the end of it." Okay, I guess those might be legitimate worries for your average teen, but what has Dawn got to fear? She doesn't have a boyfriend for Cokie to steal, and Cokie already teases all of them for being in the BSC. Anyway, we are told that Karen wants to be Tinkerbell in the play, which is sure to drive me to drink when I get to that chapter.
Chapter 4. Stacey's mother drops her off at SMS for the auditions. She spots Sam and they greet each other awkwardly, because "high school guys did not often date middle school girls." I kind of hope not, Stace. Cuz that's bordering on creepy. She joins the BSC (who are of course sitting together, blah). MA's there for moral support. With all the protesting she's done about NOT auditioning, you'd think AMM would have her wind up with a part. No, doesn't happen. Mr. Cheney, the director, introduces himself and starts the auditions. Little kids are up first. But then ... oh no ... OH NO ...
Karen has a tantrum. Right in front of Mr. Cheney. I must quote: "But I want to be Tink! I WANT TO WEAR A FAIRY PRINCESS COSTUME! I WANT TO -"
Fuck you, Karen! Tinkerbell is traditionally represented by lights and tinkly bell sounds. If you want to wear a goddamn fairy princess costume, ask Watson to buy you one! You'll probably be allowed to wear it as long as you want, since no one apparently can stop you. Do I really need to tell you that they fucking let her play Tinkerbell?
Chapter 5. Jessi does this annoying thing where she critiques every one of her friends who auditions. Nobody asks for her opinion, but she gives it anyway. And of course she's internally judge-y about everyone's performance, because as a dancer, apparently she has to share her expert opinion with us the readers. Oh, Jessi. It'd be endearing if it wasn't annoying. Then Dawn auditions - Kristy goades her into it/psyches her up, you could read it both ways. Jessi thinks she's awesome. Apparently nearly all the members have decent singing voices (*coughMARYSUEScough*). Jessi herself is all over-confident and over-prepared for her audition - she had a freakin' resume which she gives to Mr. Cheney, and has choreographed a dance. But it does show that she's put a lot of thought into the role - her dance is filled with lots of jumping to show how Peter Pan would fly.
Mr. Cheney calls a few names, among them Dawn, Kristy, Stacey, Sam, Cokie, and Alan Gray. Jessi's name is not called, but through some kind of logic that doesn't exist on Earth, she takes this to mean she has the part of Peter Pan. Whatevs, kid.
I'll post more this afternoon.