(no subject)
today it seems like everyone I know, from family to workmates to friends to facebook friends, is doing fantastically. my dad passed an exam today. my brother passed his driving theory. a friend got a very well paid job. my mum got a signed picture of a celebrity in the post (i shit you not). others are getting new houses and housemates. getting into new relationships. i'm too selfish to be happy about any of it.
it's been two and half weeks since my engagement was broken, and the future i'd set my heart and soul on was taken away from me. 8 months since i watched my nanny die of starvation over 8 days, and i still feel split into bits by the nightmares, panic attacks and other symptoms of anxiety i just can't shake. my grandfather was just buried, and my dad looks and sounds like he's aged 10 years in the last two weeks. i have three and a half days worth of work booked for the entire month of march. i have minus £836 in my bank account. i'm living in a room in my parent's house, miles away from friends who i can't afford to visit. i'm already past the point by which i should declare myself as disabled on job applications (6 months or more on medication). i'm not hearing back from jobs where i meet, and often exceed, every criteria listed on the application. i can't start a real career- i'd love to do an MA in the Heritage sector, or info services, or take some TEFL courses- because i can't afford the necessary training. i'm lost. i'm just really lost.
it's been two and half weeks since my engagement was broken, and the future i'd set my heart and soul on was taken away from me. 8 months since i watched my nanny die of starvation over 8 days, and i still feel split into bits by the nightmares, panic attacks and other symptoms of anxiety i just can't shake. my grandfather was just buried, and my dad looks and sounds like he's aged 10 years in the last two weeks. i have three and a half days worth of work booked for the entire month of march. i have minus £836 in my bank account. i'm living in a room in my parent's house, miles away from friends who i can't afford to visit. i'm already past the point by which i should declare myself as disabled on job applications (6 months or more on medication). i'm not hearing back from jobs where i meet, and often exceed, every criteria listed on the application. i can't start a real career- i'd love to do an MA in the Heritage sector, or info services, or take some TEFL courses- because i can't afford the necessary training. i'm lost. i'm just really lost.