(no subject)
Hey guys...haven't updated in a while, so i figured i would...
Went to registration today, i saw some people, which made me happy, but right now i can't sleep cause i'm thinking too much...I got my schedule and they screwed it up. I actually have two very simple solutions, but i have no idea which one to choose. Both are going to result in me having all academics second sememster, so i'm looking forward to that one....I don't know, i guess i'm overreacting, but i'm just so confused with what i feel like are such huge choices. The stress of trying to pick a simple schedule added to hearing all of my friends questioning their colledge decisions are making me question my whole life i had planned....i'm scared. I feel small and hopeless. I have friends HERE, people applaud at shows HERE, i have stability HERE, but out there, i have nothing, just a blank canvas i can paint anything on. That sounds like a great opportunity, but what if i screw it up and the whole painting is ruined?
I just realized a new fear other than locked apaces and spiders.....................i'm scared of failure.
When i was little, i had this whole plan of what i wanted to do, but now i have know idea. What if i don't make it into colledge in New York? What if i major in something i don't want to do? What if i have to face the world by myself with no friends ar guides, in something i don't even know i want to spend the rest of my life doing? What if i've based my whole life on a dream, a "performing" career when i can't even make a lead in a High School play? I knew exactly what i wanted to do before friends, before competition, before love, before options, before reality hit. And now, i have found this new relationship with God, and i'm OK. But its scary...
I feel like i'm walking on a narrow ledge hundreds of feet above the ground with a blind fold and an umbrella only guided by the hands of God. I know He wonnnn't let me fall, but i still have that nervous feeling like at any moment i could topple off and fall forever into a botttemless pit with no light and no way out.........that's horrible.................i just have to not only be blind folded, but willingly close my eyes and let God push mme the right way, because all i need is the Lord to guide me. Sorry for rambeling, cause i just sort of solved my own problem. I just need to not be afraid.
Went to registration today, i saw some people, which made me happy, but right now i can't sleep cause i'm thinking too much...I got my schedule and they screwed it up. I actually have two very simple solutions, but i have no idea which one to choose. Both are going to result in me having all academics second sememster, so i'm looking forward to that one....I don't know, i guess i'm overreacting, but i'm just so confused with what i feel like are such huge choices. The stress of trying to pick a simple schedule added to hearing all of my friends questioning their colledge decisions are making me question my whole life i had planned....i'm scared. I feel small and hopeless. I have friends HERE, people applaud at shows HERE, i have stability HERE, but out there, i have nothing, just a blank canvas i can paint anything on. That sounds like a great opportunity, but what if i screw it up and the whole painting is ruined?
I just realized a new fear other than locked apaces and spiders.....................i'm scared of failure.
When i was little, i had this whole plan of what i wanted to do, but now i have know idea. What if i don't make it into colledge in New York? What if i major in something i don't want to do? What if i have to face the world by myself with no friends ar guides, in something i don't even know i want to spend the rest of my life doing? What if i've based my whole life on a dream, a "performing" career when i can't even make a lead in a High School play? I knew exactly what i wanted to do before friends, before competition, before love, before options, before reality hit. And now, i have found this new relationship with God, and i'm OK. But its scary...
I feel like i'm walking on a narrow ledge hundreds of feet above the ground with a blind fold and an umbrella only guided by the hands of God. I know He wonnnn't let me fall, but i still have that nervous feeling like at any moment i could topple off and fall forever into a botttemless pit with no light and no way out.........that's horrible.................i just have to not only be blind folded, but willingly close my eyes and let God push mme the right way, because all i need is the Lord to guide me. Sorry for rambeling, cause i just sort of solved my own problem. I just need to not be afraid.