(no subject)
So i took my art history test and it was amazingly easier then i had anticipated, i definitely think i aced it... i got a 4.3 out of 5 on the quiz we took (and i was so sure of failure). Anyway, I've been thinking about shit today...when do i not? anyway, i was thinking, i need to get myself together. my financial situation, my eating habits, my excersice habits...i need to pull them together. everything is in such chaos, it may be possible that its whats making me relatively miserable!
But i was thinking, whats the point? why do i sit here and worry about what some guy thinks of me, when i know if i was pretty and cute that he'd feel the same towards me? do i have to spread my legs to find some sort of acceptance and affection from someone? A tear came to my eye when i saw ray.......so sure if i'd act on any sort of feelings of affection that he'd reject me. but he's fucking blind, and so i'm like, if he touched me, he'd know, and he'd reject me. but i had a dream about ray, where he put his arm around me, moved his hand up and down my back, and we sat together, he was perfectly happy just to be there with me. it was a strange dream, that made me cry when i woke up, knowing that i've had this desire to be his girl since i met him two years ago...
and also knowing,that it'd never happen. call me a pessimist, maybe he likes me...i dunno. maybe he's self conscious that he's blind, but he seems so carefree and i just..i dont know. i dont think the feelings are mutual. and its really hard to think about a different guy when different guys have no interest in you whatsoever, so i stay here wondering if any guy out there has some sort of romantic interest in me.
No see, im the friend, im fun to talk to ...but something about me makes me undersirable. people want trophy girlfriends..which i'm not at all. i have nothing to offer anyone but myself. i have no money, i'm not a stereotypical beauty...i'm just me...and thats all i have. i'm tired of feeling like thats not good enough. that i have to be some wild girl to make friends and date...
i cant change who i am...and i wish but if i wasnt afraid of being rejected horribly, then maybe i could ask someone out or mention that i think they're cute.
nope. i'll just keep discussing rock music and classes...and hope that he likes me.
But i was thinking, whats the point? why do i sit here and worry about what some guy thinks of me, when i know if i was pretty and cute that he'd feel the same towards me? do i have to spread my legs to find some sort of acceptance and affection from someone? A tear came to my eye when i saw ray.......so sure if i'd act on any sort of feelings of affection that he'd reject me. but he's fucking blind, and so i'm like, if he touched me, he'd know, and he'd reject me. but i had a dream about ray, where he put his arm around me, moved his hand up and down my back, and we sat together, he was perfectly happy just to be there with me. it was a strange dream, that made me cry when i woke up, knowing that i've had this desire to be his girl since i met him two years ago...
and also knowing,that it'd never happen. call me a pessimist, maybe he likes me...i dunno. maybe he's self conscious that he's blind, but he seems so carefree and i just..i dont know. i dont think the feelings are mutual. and its really hard to think about a different guy when different guys have no interest in you whatsoever, so i stay here wondering if any guy out there has some sort of romantic interest in me.
No see, im the friend, im fun to talk to ...but something about me makes me undersirable. people want trophy girlfriends..which i'm not at all. i have nothing to offer anyone but myself. i have no money, i'm not a stereotypical beauty...i'm just me...and thats all i have. i'm tired of feeling like thats not good enough. that i have to be some wild girl to make friends and date...
i cant change who i am...and i wish but if i wasnt afraid of being rejected horribly, then maybe i could ask someone out or mention that i think they're cute.
nope. i'll just keep discussing rock music and classes...and hope that he likes me.