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Dec 04, 2005 20:57

I have a really intense week ahead of me, then a weekend of no relief, and then finals.
and after that i will have 3 sweet weeks to myself.

tomorrow night is dress rehearsal for orchestra, this saturday i need to have TWO good reeds made (i am shit) and next monday is the concert.

this is what is due this week:
tomorrow: all quiet on the western front read (i have 100+ more pages to go); honors chemistry test.
tuesday: cumulative vocabulary test; honors algebra II test.
wednesday: approach paper due.
friday: writing portfolio due.

And that paper that was due weeks ago that I still have to revise!

Oh dear, I have no time to do this. I am going to have to write the whole paper on tuesday, but I've seen worse. I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this.

It's just, if only,
I could put a stop to this constant need of approval. If I could stop fearing that people are disappointed in me.
I always always always feel the need to make people proud of me. I need them to approve of what I'm doing.
I'm searching for synonyms but I'm not really getting any.

I am 117 pounds. I want people to look at me and say that I am noticibly thinner. That I look great.
I am in all honors, and I like (basically) all my teachers. I want them to look at me and be proud of my work.
I play the oboe. I want my teacher to (for once) not make me cry. I want him to feel like I desire to play the oboe (I do). I don't want him to tell me that I "Don't give a shit" again.
I am trying to be an engaging friend. Am I?

I will not complain again. I will be thinner, smarter, better, more creative, more confident, manage my time better, I will be able to sleep at night, I will think of others before I think of myself, I will be able to look at someone and draw them, I will sing, I will learn how to play the harmonica, my back won't hurt, I, I, I...will...
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