the downside of (Facebook) communities
It's funny the things that get to you.
I'm a member of a Facebook group for the Successful Stuttering Management Program (SSMP) -- the program that I did last summer in private therapy and by spending the evenings doing the group-intensive program the wussy way.
The 2011 "class" of stutterers is doing the SSMP right now, and the Facebook group is filled with updates, confidence, excitement, pain, frustration and motivation.
I react absurdly badly to these updates: a potent combination of frustration at not having sucked it up and signed up to do this the "real way", embarrassment for "failing" or giving up on this opportunity last year, cynicism at all the patients' posted optimism and just flat out anger at myself for being so defective to begin with.
The smart thing to do would be to remove myself from this group and never look back. I know this. And yet, I don't. I feel an obligation to stay hooked into this community, because it should be important to me and because this is Good For Me. I should support this; I should be excited for these men and women who are taking their speech into their own hands; I should use this as motivation for myself. But no, all I feel is bitterness and shame.
I'm a member of a Facebook group for the Successful Stuttering Management Program (SSMP) -- the program that I did last summer in private therapy and by spending the evenings doing the group-intensive program the wussy way.
The 2011 "class" of stutterers is doing the SSMP right now, and the Facebook group is filled with updates, confidence, excitement, pain, frustration and motivation.
I react absurdly badly to these updates: a potent combination of frustration at not having sucked it up and signed up to do this the "real way", embarrassment for "failing" or giving up on this opportunity last year, cynicism at all the patients' posted optimism and just flat out anger at myself for being so defective to begin with.
The smart thing to do would be to remove myself from this group and never look back. I know this. And yet, I don't. I feel an obligation to stay hooked into this community, because it should be important to me and because this is Good For Me. I should support this; I should be excited for these men and women who are taking their speech into their own hands; I should use this as motivation for myself. But no, all I feel is bitterness and shame.