shit
well.... things are steadily slipping downwards. i'm so stressed, i'm so tired and i don't know what to do about it. i feel so utterly alone... ben has faded so much, i just don't beleive he loves me, i just can't. to work, to school.... home. and repeat. this life is utter shit. i have to tell myself that it'll all be worth it, that i havn't gone through all this in vain. i'm broke, i'm tired and i can't change a damn thing. i don't want to do this anymore, i want to be happy. i want to get on with my life. there are more ghosts following me now than ever. the spirit of the good ald days haunts my every day dream, jeff's been gone over a year and soon i will add another tally to represent yet another year i have somehow survived zach's absence. there are days i am not sure if i am alive or not, it is hard to believe that life realy can be this dull. i no longer am able to enjoy the things i have held dear in the past, and i can't just let go.
let go.
ann.... let go.
another lonely night with the man that i love more than anything else in the world. another night wondering why he treats me the way he does, and why i know he doesn't love me back. this is tearing up all that's left of this weak and tired heart of mine. so now what....? let go.
i miss my friends.
i miss red blood.
i miss laughing.
i miss smiling.
i miss carefree drives with a destination of nowhere.
i miss swimming at 2:30 in the morning on a full stomach of ihop.
i miss coffee and cigarettes.
i miss sitting in a field all night wondering where the stars could take me.
i miss zach's porch talk and flatulence.
i miss the biscut rock.
i miss making music.
i miss me.
i miss waking up in the arms of the man that loves me.
i miss chauncey's.
i miss making "candy" at 6 in the morning.
i miss drunk before noon.
i miss my drunken jukebox.
i miss random road trips to austin.
i miss pillow fights.
i miss foreighn movies in subtitles.
i miss you.
i miss being kissed.
i miss love.
i miss comming home to people who love me.
i miss watching king of queens.
i miss being desired.
i miss mosh pits.
i miss izmir stingers.
i miss dreaming.
i miss bonfires.
i miss foozeball and ping pong.
let go.
love*ann
let go.
ann.... let go.
another lonely night with the man that i love more than anything else in the world. another night wondering why he treats me the way he does, and why i know he doesn't love me back. this is tearing up all that's left of this weak and tired heart of mine. so now what....? let go.
i miss my friends.
i miss red blood.
i miss laughing.
i miss smiling.
i miss carefree drives with a destination of nowhere.
i miss swimming at 2:30 in the morning on a full stomach of ihop.
i miss coffee and cigarettes.
i miss sitting in a field all night wondering where the stars could take me.
i miss zach's porch talk and flatulence.
i miss the biscut rock.
i miss making music.
i miss me.
i miss waking up in the arms of the man that loves me.
i miss chauncey's.
i miss making "candy" at 6 in the morning.
i miss drunk before noon.
i miss my drunken jukebox.
i miss random road trips to austin.
i miss pillow fights.
i miss foreighn movies in subtitles.
i miss you.
i miss being kissed.
i miss love.
i miss comming home to people who love me.
i miss watching king of queens.
i miss being desired.
i miss mosh pits.
i miss izmir stingers.
i miss dreaming.
i miss bonfires.
i miss foozeball and ping pong.
let go.
love*ann