Modeling
Today was eventful.
I chewed out a football player. I criticized a strumpet. I pissed off a friend. Then I made a cute girl who admires me cry.
I ran a rehearsal and made people do shit.
Then I went on a nice walk through foggy streets. I tried to walk so that she wouldn't have to stray from the pavement to the mud, because her shoes were thin. We talked about what the future might be like, and it was terrifying and intriguing and whimsical and then it was realistic. We talked about the Real World and concluded that it is fake. Then we hugged, and it was done.
I wrote some of a paper and played Scrabulous. I successfully started losing several games.
I answered questions and endured retorts. I made people laugh, including the girl who I earlier made cry.
I wrote about it all so I hopefully won't forget what happened.
--
I hate being a model. I don't mean the fashion kind, but I guess the metaphor can hold. In fashion, models are whores, and in life, they are still whores. The thing about being a model is, you really shouldn't be a model, and in all probability you're not really a model anyway, and you just think you are, and that is what makes you arrogant, and if you catch your self-idolatry and tell yourself you're not worth being a model, people will think you are worthy of becoming a model. Then they imitate the crap out of you until you feel like crapping on them, and on yourself, and on everything you've done that's worth doing. And then people think that's worth imitating, too. And so on.
And then they will hate you.
They will try to impress other people by belittling you in public. These will be your friends, and they will be betraying you, and at the same time, they will be trying to be like you. The closer they get to being like you, the more you will resent them for doing so. The more you resent them, the less they will realize how much you resent them. They will begin to realize how much they resent you, and they will attempt to erase you. Any attempt at regaining your status is an example of how much of a whore you are.
And then they will hate you more.
Hm.
--
Moral: Let it be, let it be, let it be.
And when you have to, get on LiveJournal and let it out.
I chewed out a football player. I criticized a strumpet. I pissed off a friend. Then I made a cute girl who admires me cry.
I ran a rehearsal and made people do shit.
Then I went on a nice walk through foggy streets. I tried to walk so that she wouldn't have to stray from the pavement to the mud, because her shoes were thin. We talked about what the future might be like, and it was terrifying and intriguing and whimsical and then it was realistic. We talked about the Real World and concluded that it is fake. Then we hugged, and it was done.
I wrote some of a paper and played Scrabulous. I successfully started losing several games.
I answered questions and endured retorts. I made people laugh, including the girl who I earlier made cry.
I wrote about it all so I hopefully won't forget what happened.
--
I hate being a model. I don't mean the fashion kind, but I guess the metaphor can hold. In fashion, models are whores, and in life, they are still whores. The thing about being a model is, you really shouldn't be a model, and in all probability you're not really a model anyway, and you just think you are, and that is what makes you arrogant, and if you catch your self-idolatry and tell yourself you're not worth being a model, people will think you are worthy of becoming a model. Then they imitate the crap out of you until you feel like crapping on them, and on yourself, and on everything you've done that's worth doing. And then people think that's worth imitating, too. And so on.
And then they will hate you.
They will try to impress other people by belittling you in public. These will be your friends, and they will be betraying you, and at the same time, they will be trying to be like you. The closer they get to being like you, the more you will resent them for doing so. The more you resent them, the less they will realize how much you resent them. They will begin to realize how much they resent you, and they will attempt to erase you. Any attempt at regaining your status is an example of how much of a whore you are.
And then they will hate you more.
Hm.
--
Moral: Let it be, let it be, let it be.
And when you have to, get on LiveJournal and let it out.