I'm alive!
Hi everyone!
Meggerz pointed out to me that no one knows how I've been doing! So I'll start posting on here as often as I can again! Alright stuff that has happened since the last time I posted (I think)
- I have a doll wig "business" now (it's not official or anything, but I have a company logo ^_^) It's called anji's wig designs
- I am now a Hardware commission associate ^_^
- I am apartment hunting and will be living with Kyle soon! (but it is causing quite a few fights currently)
- I have a pet mouse named Jean, because he jumped out at Russell at Sears when he was folding levi's, lol
- I will be getting married (hopefully) April 26th 2009! Not completely sure on the details yet, but I'm thinking an Alice in Wonderland theme, since I'm obsessed!
- Doll News: DZ Mo, DZ Megi, Breakaway 08, Seorin, and Woosoo.
- Hi To-chan! Hi Mou-chan! Hi Meep-chan! I haven't talked to you guys in a while! I miss you all bunches!
That's the short of it anyway!
Current daily news? (warning, long)
Currently, I'm rather depressed. I mean my business is going well, Money is currently not a problem. So that's not stressing me. But. Lately Kyle and I have been fighting a lot. Well, a lot for us. We're looking for an apartment. He doesn't want to live in Rutland or Brandon. Fine. But I'm not paying for a two bedroom, or obscenely high for a one bedroom. He can pout all he wants, but I look realistically at this, and we're not going for something out of our budget especially with him going back to college in the spring (me too)
I have him calling places now (before it was just me, but I finally broke down and told him I didn't care if he couldn't view apartments during the day, I needed some help). I'm frustrated, tired, and annoyed. I work well over 70 hours a week on work (Sears and Wigs). Shipping, packaging, sewing, gluing, photos, listings, selling in Hardware. I mean, I do a lot. Kyle works full time, but he has a set schedule, so I finally told him I need a break.
He's also been getting upset at a drop of the hat. Highly oversensitive. I try to be understanding, but I shouldn't have to walk on egg shells around him. I most certainly am not going to walk on egg shells in my own fucking home! I told him I try my best to be considerate of him, but if he can't deal with my quirks by now, then dammit he has some thinking to do. I've changed all I'm going to change.
Which is what I've been worrying about a bit. I've changed quite a bit, due to our relationship, and other factors (Meggerz has witnessed quite a bit of it). I've given up things (I think I quite possibly would be living far far away from here if it wasn't for Kyle. I still kind of want to get out of Vermont). I've worked hard, I've grown up! Kyle's getting there, but he's not grown up yet in my opinion. He's more responsible for sure! But still not quite at the stage where he thinks about things realistically, or at all before he does them. There are times that I feel that maybe he still has a long way to go to catch up to me.
Sometimes I still want to be on my own a bit, do my own things. Hang out with my friends a bit more (Kyle tends to steal all my spare time). I mean Chelsea and Russell, I simply haven't had the chance to spend much time with them lately save at work (though they understand), or catch up with Meg, or my other friends.
Don't get me wrong, I love Kyle to bits. I love him so much, and I don't think i could imagine my life without him at all! I know these feelings will pass, probably a case of cold feet, but I worry at times they might not. We want a lot of . . . different things. I don't want children, I want a house, I want to persue trips (japan for example), go to conventions, do my hobbies, write, do my art. Be a bit selfish I suppose, have a little time that I do only what I want. Kyle wants 2 children, he doesn't care what we live in as long as it's ours, and he has no interest in leaving VT, and the only real hobby he had which were guitars he hasn't really be persueing in a while.
But then I know that I simply can't give him up because of what really has me depressed at the moment. Tomorrow is July 4th. Tons of stuff going on, parties, fireworks. I had originally hoped to go to the fireworks with Kyle since I get out at 7. But before I could ask he started telling me how he can't wait till friday (a paid day off for him) when he'll get to go party with his friends. How can I destroy his plans when he's so looking forward to it? My parents are going to be at a friend's party (though I was invited, I'm not really comfortable around their friends), Russell and Chelsea have plans (I'm certainly not going to ruin plans when I owe them so much for being understanding of my neglectfulness), I'm not going to call my brother and ask to go with him, because I know he wants time alone with his sig. other. So it's just me myself and I. Listening to what everyone else is going to be doing for the weekend, and trying decide how I'll keep myself occupied and not thinking.
I feel pitiful, and pathetic. Because really I should be above this sort of thing. But I can't help but feel alone . . . and worse terribly unwanted. I hate that feeling the most in the world, and those of you who know me well know why. I haven't really had someone I could go to in a while now that I could just cry and not have to tell them why. Or that wouldn't judge. I know you would Meggerz, but after I haven't kept in touch with you all that well, I'd feel terribly selfish to call on you because I'm being pathetic. I know Chelsea or Russell wouldn't mind either, but they have their own problems as of late, and in the end would just try to start a fight with Kyle.
Sorry that my first post back is so long and pitiful, and ranting. But I think its been way too long since I've vented.
Meggerz pointed out to me that no one knows how I've been doing! So I'll start posting on here as often as I can again! Alright stuff that has happened since the last time I posted (I think)
- I have a doll wig "business" now (it's not official or anything, but I have a company logo ^_^) It's called anji's wig designs
- I am now a Hardware commission associate ^_^
- I am apartment hunting and will be living with Kyle soon! (but it is causing quite a few fights currently)
- I have a pet mouse named Jean, because he jumped out at Russell at Sears when he was folding levi's, lol
- I will be getting married (hopefully) April 26th 2009! Not completely sure on the details yet, but I'm thinking an Alice in Wonderland theme, since I'm obsessed!
- Doll News: DZ Mo, DZ Megi, Breakaway 08, Seorin, and Woosoo.
- Hi To-chan! Hi Mou-chan! Hi Meep-chan! I haven't talked to you guys in a while! I miss you all bunches!
That's the short of it anyway!
Current daily news? (warning, long)
Currently, I'm rather depressed. I mean my business is going well, Money is currently not a problem. So that's not stressing me. But. Lately Kyle and I have been fighting a lot. Well, a lot for us. We're looking for an apartment. He doesn't want to live in Rutland or Brandon. Fine. But I'm not paying for a two bedroom, or obscenely high for a one bedroom. He can pout all he wants, but I look realistically at this, and we're not going for something out of our budget especially with him going back to college in the spring (me too)
I have him calling places now (before it was just me, but I finally broke down and told him I didn't care if he couldn't view apartments during the day, I needed some help). I'm frustrated, tired, and annoyed. I work well over 70 hours a week on work (Sears and Wigs). Shipping, packaging, sewing, gluing, photos, listings, selling in Hardware. I mean, I do a lot. Kyle works full time, but he has a set schedule, so I finally told him I need a break.
He's also been getting upset at a drop of the hat. Highly oversensitive. I try to be understanding, but I shouldn't have to walk on egg shells around him. I most certainly am not going to walk on egg shells in my own fucking home! I told him I try my best to be considerate of him, but if he can't deal with my quirks by now, then dammit he has some thinking to do. I've changed all I'm going to change.
Which is what I've been worrying about a bit. I've changed quite a bit, due to our relationship, and other factors (Meggerz has witnessed quite a bit of it). I've given up things (I think I quite possibly would be living far far away from here if it wasn't for Kyle. I still kind of want to get out of Vermont). I've worked hard, I've grown up! Kyle's getting there, but he's not grown up yet in my opinion. He's more responsible for sure! But still not quite at the stage where he thinks about things realistically, or at all before he does them. There are times that I feel that maybe he still has a long way to go to catch up to me.
Sometimes I still want to be on my own a bit, do my own things. Hang out with my friends a bit more (Kyle tends to steal all my spare time). I mean Chelsea and Russell, I simply haven't had the chance to spend much time with them lately save at work (though they understand), or catch up with Meg, or my other friends.
Don't get me wrong, I love Kyle to bits. I love him so much, and I don't think i could imagine my life without him at all! I know these feelings will pass, probably a case of cold feet, but I worry at times they might not. We want a lot of . . . different things. I don't want children, I want a house, I want to persue trips (japan for example), go to conventions, do my hobbies, write, do my art. Be a bit selfish I suppose, have a little time that I do only what I want. Kyle wants 2 children, he doesn't care what we live in as long as it's ours, and he has no interest in leaving VT, and the only real hobby he had which were guitars he hasn't really be persueing in a while.
But then I know that I simply can't give him up because of what really has me depressed at the moment. Tomorrow is July 4th. Tons of stuff going on, parties, fireworks. I had originally hoped to go to the fireworks with Kyle since I get out at 7. But before I could ask he started telling me how he can't wait till friday (a paid day off for him) when he'll get to go party with his friends. How can I destroy his plans when he's so looking forward to it? My parents are going to be at a friend's party (though I was invited, I'm not really comfortable around their friends), Russell and Chelsea have plans (I'm certainly not going to ruin plans when I owe them so much for being understanding of my neglectfulness), I'm not going to call my brother and ask to go with him, because I know he wants time alone with his sig. other. So it's just me myself and I. Listening to what everyone else is going to be doing for the weekend, and trying decide how I'll keep myself occupied and not thinking.
I feel pitiful, and pathetic. Because really I should be above this sort of thing. But I can't help but feel alone . . . and worse terribly unwanted. I hate that feeling the most in the world, and those of you who know me well know why. I haven't really had someone I could go to in a while now that I could just cry and not have to tell them why. Or that wouldn't judge. I know you would Meggerz, but after I haven't kept in touch with you all that well, I'd feel terribly selfish to call on you because I'm being pathetic. I know Chelsea or Russell wouldn't mind either, but they have their own problems as of late, and in the end would just try to start a fight with Kyle.
Sorry that my first post back is so long and pitiful, and ranting. But I think its been way too long since I've vented.