What am I here for?
SO I've been in kind of a funk the past couple days. I think I'm setting myself up for the same heartache I always end up with, even though I promised myself I wouldn't let it happen this time. Silly me, I should know better than to trust myself. Maybe I'm just a masochistic psycho and I subconsciously enjoy the pain. I think maybe I would be better at avoiding these situations if I knew what I really wanted. But I don't. So instead I try to get everything, and fail miserably. I may not be good at much else, but I am good at failing. Which means I fail at failing. Which means I epically fail. Its circular logic, I could go on for eternity, but then the loop in my brain might crash (and only computer nerds will even get that joke, wow, I just outnerded myself!)
No, but seriously. I feel like the same thing that always happens is happening now. Maybe that's part of the problem, I always expect it so eventually it happens, self-fulfilling prophecy. My problem is, that I need people and therefore want them to need me in return. If I 'm not needed, then why am I still here? And honestly, what do I have to offer people? What would they need me for? Sometimes I feel like there's only one thing I'm good for, and unfortunately this is not the future and I can't study under Inara (wow, nerded out twice in one entry!). But people put up with more for a little while, and then they don't need me anymore, but hey, we'll call you sometime if we ever feel a need to "reminisce". And even the people that I felt like wouldn't do that at first, will. It's only a matter of time. I will forever be caught in this vicious cycle wishing just once someone would set me free.
Sorry if I depressed or confused anyone... now you know how I feel though.
No, but seriously. I feel like the same thing that always happens is happening now. Maybe that's part of the problem, I always expect it so eventually it happens, self-fulfilling prophecy. My problem is, that I need people and therefore want them to need me in return. If I 'm not needed, then why am I still here? And honestly, what do I have to offer people? What would they need me for? Sometimes I feel like there's only one thing I'm good for, and unfortunately this is not the future and I can't study under Inara (wow, nerded out twice in one entry!). But people put up with more for a little while, and then they don't need me anymore, but hey, we'll call you sometime if we ever feel a need to "reminisce". And even the people that I felt like wouldn't do that at first, will. It's only a matter of time. I will forever be caught in this vicious cycle wishing just once someone would set me free.
Sorry if I depressed or confused anyone... now you know how I feel though.