It's only kinda about a boy....
So I've decided that everything I try to do in my life is based around this need to belong, to feel a part of something. Like if I'm not in the inner circle of a group of friends, I feel unloved. I know, that sounds retarded but thats kinda how it works. And I don't know where I belong. And it makes me feel lonely and unloved so I think that if I had a boy, I wouldn't feel like that. So why do I always end up picking the boy that doesn't really want me in the inner circle? And how do I know that I actually like him, and am not just picking someone to latch onto? Why are boys such a unnecessary evil? Like yesterday and today, I got to see a boy I made out with before I moved (which I don't think he remembers because boys never seem to remember those drunken flings). And I totally wanted to make out with him again. But I also know I could never have a relationship with him on account of he's a huge stoner (and lives on the other side of the state). But then I kept thinking about someone else..... someone I might really actually like. But, as he put it to me before, he's not looking at all for anything like that. Sad faces. Neither was I, but sometimes it just kinda finds you. Now I don't know what to think. How come I can never like the boys that like me? And is it worth fighting for someone if you know that if/when you win, it will really only be a loss because you'll be stuck with someone who doesn't really want you? I know this is all kinda vague and I'm trying to keep it that way so that its more general instead of only talking about my specific situation. That, and all my feelings are kinda vague as well. I have friends and family that love me, so how can I still feel so unloved? Is it like the more attention you get, the more you need, so you have to find more people to give it to you? Maybe thats the way all emotions are. Maybe I'm just exhuasted and since everyone else wants to go to sleep, I guess I should to. But seriously, think about it- Where do I belong? (And my 'I' I mean each of us).