I'm so horrible...
I always say how I that my boyfriend is never there for me and is so selfish and unsupportive, but I think maybe I'm the one who is all those things.
He is in Mexico visiting his mom and his family and friends, and he called me last night. He was kind of upset because he his mom and his grandma had to go rescue his nephew from the crackhouse (his sister is a crackhead). His nephew is 4 and his mom is sick (she has real high blood pressure and bad diabetes). He is really afraid she is not going to get better, especially if she stays there with just his crackhead sister to take care of her. I know he feels guilty because he wasn't there when his dad died and he's trying to make up for it somewhat with his mom. I pointed out to him that he has 11 other brothers and sisters, plus cousins and neices and nephews, that could help take care of her. But, he pointed out to me that they all have families of their own to take care of. Now comes the part where I'm horrible....
He asked me if he had to stay over there and take care of her if I would put everything on hold and come with him. How was I supposed to answer? I couldn't lie and say yes, so I told him I don't know, that's a big question I'd have to think about. He said that usually means no, and he's probably right. So now I'm a horrible, uncaring, and unsupportive girlfriend who couldn't even be there for him (although I did have the decency to stay on the phone with him even though it was 2:00 in the morning here). He doesn't see my predicament though.
He says I would be putting my life on hold. I see it as the end to any semblance of a life I have. I would have to move to a strange place where I don't know anybody and I don't speak the language. I wouldn't be able to finish school there because I barely understand half the stuff in English, let alone a language I'd still be learning. I wouldn't be able to get a job there because I don't speak the language. I wouldn't be able to watch tv because I don't speak the language. What would I do? I'd be stuck at home taking care of an old lady and a little kid I can't even talk to! I want to have kids someday, but not now. I'm just starting to figure out what I want to do with my life and who I want to be, I'm not ready to give that all up because of someone else's family obligations that I was thrown into.
But then, how can I ask him to give up his family to be with me? See where my predicament lies? I told him that if it came down to it we'd figure out a way...but he didn't find that very comforting or supportive- I wouldn't either if I were him. So now what do I do?
He is in Mexico visiting his mom and his family and friends, and he called me last night. He was kind of upset because he his mom and his grandma had to go rescue his nephew from the crackhouse (his sister is a crackhead). His nephew is 4 and his mom is sick (she has real high blood pressure and bad diabetes). He is really afraid she is not going to get better, especially if she stays there with just his crackhead sister to take care of her. I know he feels guilty because he wasn't there when his dad died and he's trying to make up for it somewhat with his mom. I pointed out to him that he has 11 other brothers and sisters, plus cousins and neices and nephews, that could help take care of her. But, he pointed out to me that they all have families of their own to take care of. Now comes the part where I'm horrible....
He asked me if he had to stay over there and take care of her if I would put everything on hold and come with him. How was I supposed to answer? I couldn't lie and say yes, so I told him I don't know, that's a big question I'd have to think about. He said that usually means no, and he's probably right. So now I'm a horrible, uncaring, and unsupportive girlfriend who couldn't even be there for him (although I did have the decency to stay on the phone with him even though it was 2:00 in the morning here). He doesn't see my predicament though.
He says I would be putting my life on hold. I see it as the end to any semblance of a life I have. I would have to move to a strange place where I don't know anybody and I don't speak the language. I wouldn't be able to finish school there because I barely understand half the stuff in English, let alone a language I'd still be learning. I wouldn't be able to get a job there because I don't speak the language. I wouldn't be able to watch tv because I don't speak the language. What would I do? I'd be stuck at home taking care of an old lady and a little kid I can't even talk to! I want to have kids someday, but not now. I'm just starting to figure out what I want to do with my life and who I want to be, I'm not ready to give that all up because of someone else's family obligations that I was thrown into.
But then, how can I ask him to give up his family to be with me? See where my predicament lies? I told him that if it came down to it we'd figure out a way...but he didn't find that very comforting or supportive- I wouldn't either if I were him. So now what do I do?