Planning and Stessing!
Ok so since my last few posts have been private I guess I need to post something normal again lol!
Talon's 1st birthday is coming up next month - 27 days to go! Whoohoo!! His party is on the 24th, and I am ambitiously hosting it at my house, despite all the alarms in my head telling me this is the worst idea ever.
The guests are a nice mix of friends and family... and that's actually what I keep worrying about. I maintain a pretty "square" face for my extended family - no one knows the extent of my tattooing or swearing or the sad state of my housekeeping skills or most of all: my religious preferences. As I've been cleaning my house, I see things that are obviously pagan and I make a mental note to remove those for the party - then I feel absolutely terrible for having to hide it - then I entertain the idea of just leaving all of it out - then I immediately psyche myself out at the idea and then the guilt of hiding it comes back full force. I actually spent like 15 minutes holding my pentacle sun-catcher crying in the dining room. I'm pathetic!
The party-goer breakdown goes like this:
Completely Out of the Closet:
-All Friends
-Chris's parents
One Foot Out (they know but don't remind them about it):
-My immediate family
-Chris's extended family
So Far in I Can't See Daylight:
-All of my extended family
So I worry about what will be said, and who might hear it. One of my dearest friends has a triple moon pentacle tat on her forehead - do I ask her to wear a hat? How fucking lame is that! Who am I to ask someone to hide who they are?! Why do I fear so much and hide who I am?! My other dearest friend has many visible tats and piercings; I know that my family will judge her based on that, and will judge me based on "my choice of friends". Luckily I know that she won't give a rats ass what they think, which is awesome. But I also know that from that point out my MawMaw especially will never refer to her by her name which she will likely know but probably something like "your freak friend" cus that's just her style. She called my cousins husband "that rebel boy" the entire time they were dating just cus he has a shoulder piece of a pirate ship. I think what scares me really is opening up so much of my "real life" to people that I have been desperately hiding my true self from since childhood. Ye gods, that sounds so lame when I lay it out like that. FML! Ahhh!!!
So all that aside, I've got normal crap to worry about, like how the hell I am going to afford this party. I have to plan decor, snacks, and some kind of amusement for the older kids. On top of that there is the massive cleaning of the house, the stacking of le crap in the garage, the covering of le crap in the garage somehow AND massive cleaning of the garage plus the damn huge ass yard: gotta pick up all the dog shit, mow and edge, pull all those HUGE ass weeds in the flower beds, etc!! (I sure am glad I didn't put in that stone outlined ritual circle I was going to in the back yard this summer - that would have been hard to explain!) About the only thing I am not stressing about is the cake! LOL! I know I can handle that! (now watch that be a total disaster for the first time in my life since I'm not fretting it - curse you, Murphy's Law)
Well that's all for now. Here's to hoping I don't have a heart-attack!
Talon's 1st birthday is coming up next month - 27 days to go! Whoohoo!! His party is on the 24th, and I am ambitiously hosting it at my house, despite all the alarms in my head telling me this is the worst idea ever.
The guests are a nice mix of friends and family... and that's actually what I keep worrying about. I maintain a pretty "square" face for my extended family - no one knows the extent of my tattooing or swearing or the sad state of my housekeeping skills or most of all: my religious preferences. As I've been cleaning my house, I see things that are obviously pagan and I make a mental note to remove those for the party - then I feel absolutely terrible for having to hide it - then I entertain the idea of just leaving all of it out - then I immediately psyche myself out at the idea and then the guilt of hiding it comes back full force. I actually spent like 15 minutes holding my pentacle sun-catcher crying in the dining room. I'm pathetic!
The party-goer breakdown goes like this:
Completely Out of the Closet:
-All Friends
-Chris's parents
One Foot Out (they know but don't remind them about it):
-My immediate family
-Chris's extended family
So Far in I Can't See Daylight:
-All of my extended family
So I worry about what will be said, and who might hear it. One of my dearest friends has a triple moon pentacle tat on her forehead - do I ask her to wear a hat? How fucking lame is that! Who am I to ask someone to hide who they are?! Why do I fear so much and hide who I am?! My other dearest friend has many visible tats and piercings; I know that my family will judge her based on that, and will judge me based on "my choice of friends". Luckily I know that she won't give a rats ass what they think, which is awesome. But I also know that from that point out my MawMaw especially will never refer to her by her name which she will likely know but probably something like "your freak friend" cus that's just her style. She called my cousins husband "that rebel boy" the entire time they were dating just cus he has a shoulder piece of a pirate ship. I think what scares me really is opening up so much of my "real life" to people that I have been desperately hiding my true self from since childhood. Ye gods, that sounds so lame when I lay it out like that. FML! Ahhh!!!
So all that aside, I've got normal crap to worry about, like how the hell I am going to afford this party. I have to plan decor, snacks, and some kind of amusement for the older kids. On top of that there is the massive cleaning of the house, the stacking of le crap in the garage, the covering of le crap in the garage somehow AND massive cleaning of the garage plus the damn huge ass yard: gotta pick up all the dog shit, mow and edge, pull all those HUGE ass weeds in the flower beds, etc!! (I sure am glad I didn't put in that stone outlined ritual circle I was going to in the back yard this summer - that would have been hard to explain!) About the only thing I am not stressing about is the cake! LOL! I know I can handle that! (now watch that be a total disaster for the first time in my life since I'm not fretting it - curse you, Murphy's Law)
Well that's all for now. Here's to hoping I don't have a heart-attack!