(no subject)
I am so frustrated right now. I feel like my entire life has changed and no one seems to get it or to care. I dated and loved and spent all of my time with one person for over a year. You can't expect me to not be confused. You can't expect that everything is going to be fine and back to normal like it was before. I don't know what I'm doing. I need to talk to people; I need to tell my friends what I'm thinking and not have it feel like I'm a bother. I'm going to go crazy if I have to deal with this alone.
I'm used to having someone to sleep with every day. Do you know how lonely it gets at night? Do you understand why I dance with guys like I do at the bar and why I kiss them? Because for one minute I have that touch again. I haven't decided on the person I want to be yet or the person I am without Jon. Please don't sit there and ask if this is how I will be until I find someone new. Because I don't know and that's not fair. I have to relearn how to talk to guys I'm not dating yet. That may sound stupid but it's true. I can't just tell them everything I'm thinking. I have to play some stupid game all over again.
I am caught between having a life and getting my work done. I feel so overwhelmed that my first instinct is to try to forget about it all. To not think about the GREs and applying to colleges. Before I apply I have to find schools to apply to and I have yet to do that. I need to make this managable and I dont know how. And in the meantime I'm fighting with people because I feel so alone and confused. I hate this.
I'm used to having someone to sleep with every day. Do you know how lonely it gets at night? Do you understand why I dance with guys like I do at the bar and why I kiss them? Because for one minute I have that touch again. I haven't decided on the person I want to be yet or the person I am without Jon. Please don't sit there and ask if this is how I will be until I find someone new. Because I don't know and that's not fair. I have to relearn how to talk to guys I'm not dating yet. That may sound stupid but it's true. I can't just tell them everything I'm thinking. I have to play some stupid game all over again.
I am caught between having a life and getting my work done. I feel so overwhelmed that my first instinct is to try to forget about it all. To not think about the GREs and applying to colleges. Before I apply I have to find schools to apply to and I have yet to do that. I need to make this managable and I dont know how. And in the meantime I'm fighting with people because I feel so alone and confused. I hate this.