yellow bricked road
Then it is all over. The last 3 weeks kind of went by in a blur.
I met with some of my favourite people (the others were very busy over the last few weeks, or I was). It’s been so many years since I last met most of them, and seeing them again brought back all sorts of memories. I have often mentioned in the past that while I don’t miss Singapore and all it’s demands and stresses, I absolutely loved my friends and missed them. It is an honour to have known them and kept in contact with them (however sporadically) over the years. At one stage in my life, I made a lot of friends and attempted to keep in contact with them regularly. Over the years, I sort of became a recluse and it’s really interesting that sitting here in Sydney right now, I am overwhelmed with how much I actually miss them.
With the lawyers hired, plans set up for my sister, payment plans all round up for family and catching up with some family to afford my respects, my last 3 weeks was mad. It was tinged with all sorts of happiness that I was going home, excitement to be feeling all nice and cool again (before summer hits) and sheer amount of… I know I will miss the ease I had when it came to catching up with friends.
More importantly, now that I am not physically in Singapore anymore, I am waiting for the loss to actually hit home and slap me in the face.
The closing rituals for my dad’s 49th day was very symbolic and beautiful. Firstly, we took his photograph out from the temporary altar spot to be burnt. Then we had some prayers to cast away any other suffering and demons that might be after him. After which we take his temporary ancestral tablet up to be prayed at the ancestral tablet hall before “joining” his urn with the gods. We had to ask him to sit down properly with the gods in the ancestral tablet hall and then it was all over.
During these 49 days, we weren’t allowed to dispose of dad’s possessions in any way. Symbolically speaking, we weren’t allowed to throw away the things he likes. but that statement is a gross understatement of the sheer amount of things he treasures. It’s literally the whole house full of possessions. Mum wasn’t keen on letting anything go either, it was very distressing for me as I was meant to help clean up. and every time I cleaned something up, I had turn up the next day to find everything in a disarray as she had choose to go through them all to pick out things she wants to keep - which isn’t a small amount of things.
The house, in other words, still looks like the tornado swept through it viciously.
dad left behind many things that were obviously bought either for me or because of me. In many ways, it was both heartbreaking and heart warming to see them all. There were soft toys that were clearly well protected for the day that I should return. The Erhu he bought that he couldn’t bear to part with after buying for me. The various feng shui books he bought when I declared some interest. The huge number of pictorial books on tai chi, also bought when i declared interest. The were a smattering of books on german and japanese language as I worked my way through them, that he bought for some reason but in chinese editions for himself (I presume).
And there were the books, bought recently, to improve his english.
Maybe I was thinking too much, but seeing those books both pissed me off and made me sad. I offered to bring dad here many times, and he turned them down as many times. In looking at these books, I thought perhaps it’s because he was feeling the inadequacy of his language skills. The thing is, dad has made a lot of friends over in Singapore in his life time. While offering him to come over to Australia, I did worry that this sudden change in environment might stress him because he knows no one here. And these books just kind of proved my point to myself.
Over the last 3 weeks i was having a go at everything, mostly trying to pad my sister’s week up with things to do so when I am gone she isn’t too busy mulling over the loss of both my father and me since we have been pretty close over the past 8 weeks. In the end, we came to a mild sort of arrangement, which I hope she can survive (LOL!) since I kind of got slightly excited. At this point though, it seems she is quite excited about her weekly rosters too.
Being with my mother, my sister basically grew up in a very sheltered life. She has no sense of urgency, responsibility or financial planning whatsoever. My dad worried for her while he was alive, and basically I said I would be looking after her needs. So, I basically signed her up or put her through things so she could learn all of these things slowly but surely. Friends helped a lot too, so I can only be very thankful for all the help that poured in when people realised how worried I am about her.
There’s still a few loose ends here and there, but those can not be helped since there are certain things that hasn’t reached a certain stage. but I am sure all would be done in good time. The important stuff has been handled anyways.
See you next year, Singapore, thanks for all the fish.
and, to the guy at the customs this morning, OH YES, I AM SO GLAD TO BE HOME!
