53 Secrets nurses won’t tell you
I saw the above title on Reader’s Digest today and compulsively bought the magazine. It’s been a while since I bought any reader’s digest, but when I saw the title, I absolutely have to have it - even if the stories inside might be inaccurate, it did prove to give me a chuckle.
Of course, the quotes inside were far from inaccurate! They were hilariously funny, including some awesome statistics.
“86% have had to leave a patient’s room quickly because they were about to laugh uncontrollably.” Mark asked, what about the remaining 14%? “They waited till they got to the break room and tell everyone else about it so they can laugh together.”
“doctors blaming nurses for mistakes - it happens all the time. But the mistakes are easily traceable. They learn very very quickly that they can’t get away with it.” I have to disagree with the last sentence. I supposed, it also depends on WHO makes those mistakes and how much they cared. Some doctors will never learn that they made those mistakes, others refuse to think they made those mistakes.
“we always question doctors because a lot of the time they are only there for 5 seconds and we have much more experience with patients.”
This calls to mind a recent debate that raged on in a BMJ forum. It pisses me off quite a bit because the people who posted on the said forums were ragging on the nurses they had to deal with. From thinking they were trying to usurp doctors, to thinking they are flirting at the desk… and then finally, suggesting I put shit down on my iphone. Let’s put it this way, if I wasn’t getting someone their precious coffee, it might be because I have my hands up someone’s ass. an iphone isn’t going to get me to remember that while I am busy up someone’s ass.
The other thing that gets me, with those posts, was that we were all meant to work as a team. If we’re not answering buzzers, it’s probably because we were too busy. If we didn’t know whether someone’s got clothes from their relatives, it’s probably because we were somewhere else - also being busy. I have found nurses, when they finally got the time, to personally check shelves and drawers to ensure someone has got clothes. But in that last scenario, is it that disgusting to walk up to the patient and discuss their wellbeing yourself? Working as a team means you also need to know, therefore you might as well go talk to the person you’re meant to help.
my theory is, if you have had time to mull over this and complain, you definitely have time to walk up there and chit chat with the patient.
Contrary to the forum though, I have been having great camaraderie with the doctors at work. We’ve had doctors who got angry on our behalves, doctors who helped get us coffees because we have had a rough night. Some brought in food to share with the ward, although they really only had 10 minutes to sit and eat with us, or vice versa. It’s absolutely fantastic!
“despite nurses’ best efforts, hospitals are still filthy and full of drug-resistant germs. I don’t even bring my shoes into the house when I get home.” I think, there’s a study somewhere that says the worst hit area is, really, the keyboards of hospital computers. Fantastic breeding grounds, apparently.
Everyone who has ever worked in a nursing home or a hospital will enjoy this little gem, “don’t page me to your room to fluff up your pillows or move your trolley closer to the bed - I am not your personal nurse, i have 5 other patients to care for.” In all technicality, I am really a personal nurse in a hospital setting, but this gem is stil relevant in many circumstances. I have heard patients screaming down the hallways, asking “WHERE IS MY TEA! I WANT IT NOW!” or, better yet, the buzzers that goes off because
- pillows are on wrong: nevermind how many times we adjusted it, it is still wrong and we end up being in the same room for half an hour still adjusting it.
- coffee is too hot, then too cold, then too bitter…
- “the food sucks. I would like a lobster/crab/fillet mignon.” I would love to have a fillet mignon too, please.
- “Can you open the windows?” no, those windows are sealed because people might jump out of there!
- “why can’t you stuff a pillow in her face? she’s waking me up!” because hospitals are for SAVING people, despite however annoying they might be.
- “darling, I will give you $5000. Just help me stand up.” No amount of money in this world is going to entice me to help you stand up if you can’t bear weight. Similarly, don’t offer me any money for any reasons in the world. It’s unethical, unprofessional and, dear god in heaven, it won’t make an asshole look like Eric Northman in that split second.
y’all should just go buy reader’s digest, it’s good for a laugh ^^
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Chelly - Euterpe
