the craziness
This was written on the main site.
To be honest, I have been meaning to update everyone for a long time, regardless of whether this was up or not.
The issue was, WHAT WITH?
I had colleagues that were terrible, I have plenty to have a cry about, but something happened a while back that left a bad taste in my mouth. to put it simply, it was just idiots. Idiots who decided it was ok to gossip, and then there were the idiots who thought it would be funny to see things go down. Either ways, things went down and while I was not entirely in the right, I definitely didn’t deserved to be treated in a certain way either.
some of you might remember. I had an issue with a certain colleague, who had once asked to be friends on facebook. as you all know, this cross-posts to facebook
as I was the one who initiated that request on facebook itself (she asked, I initiated), she could view whatever she wanted on my profile and so on. not to mention she had friends who were on my friendslist.
I think some of you can see where this was heading, you might go “oh geez Ani, you’re so stupid!” At that point in time, not only was I so stupid, I was careless, angry and hurt. I believe I am a hard worker, or I try to. For me to be slighted and treated that way that night was beyond my comprehension, nevermind that the perpetrator decided that I had to accept her apology because she was cornering me, shouting at me AND RANKED HIGHER THAN ME. So, obviously I didn’t, and she decided to report me for insubordination plus invasion of privacy because I posted up the incident, nevermind that I didn’t even name her (I am glad she recognised that she was the bitch).
It is funny that throughout the rest of my stay at that place, whenever something happened, instead of referring to the incident that I refused to accept her apology for, she referred to it as the “facebook incident”.
It’s been nearly a year since the incident, but I have been unable to update people through this channel mostly because I hated being forced to remove that post. I could have kept it out of sight of course, and facebook was not to be blamed for my carelessness, and she would have never known. but I didn’t. At that time, it felt like she has intruded in to a part of my life and demanded something equivalent of not letting my friends know how badly treated I was. I don’t know if she realises it. She tried so hard to be friends later on, but did she know it was simply not possible?
and then, there is this thing about privacy with regards to the people I look after. There has been many things, not colleagues related, that has happened ever since that I can not discuss simply because I respect the people I look after. These are not the incoherent bastards who frequent restaurants, just absolutely beautiful people that I look after.
There are things I would like to discuss though, and it is in somewhat relation to the care of the people and my life and how they have been intertwined… The important bit to take away from this post is that my job allowed me to be able to be very reflective and has allowed me to move on in many sense of the word. I can only be thankful, although I see a potential for disaster if I should ever have to stop working in this line or retire (ahem)
- In the past 10 years, I have gone from someone who was excited about life and planned far far ahead, socialised to the nth degree, to someone who is almost a recluse at times. The only similarity is, I am still crazy, perhaps more so.
- I think I have made peace with some of my inner turmoil, although I will never be able to walk away from that grief. The peace is, obviously, the management of that grief.
- I can’t believe I am doing nursing now. At 17 I considered it. If I had gone down that path, I would probably have been an RN for the last 9 years or so, making an “old-hand” in this trade. Yet, I didn’t because of misguided notions and words relayed to me. This will teach me to judge people based on what their parents tell me. I can never really make up for that lost time, yet I am sure that my life experiences in the last 9 years is going to make itself count in the future.
- I am still a bloody spendthrift.
- you know, letting myself go be and do what I want to do was the best decision my dad and I have ever made for myself. of course, he just didn’t know to what extent that has really been. yet, I can tell you too, if you tell him now how crazy I am, the things I have done and the friends I have made, he would also be the least surprised of the people who has ever known me.
my mum will be the utter extreme end of that spectrum though.
- in the past 3 years, I have changed employers so often, it was scary. I hated change, especially a change of jobs and environment. It is not as often as people thought, nor is it as often as I am making it sound. certainly enough. Yet, I can only say I certainly went from strength to strength, from mundane existence to something I am enjoying.
In the last year, I have injured my wrist helping someone; been forced to take light duties for the first time in my life ever; saw things I shouldn’t even hear about much less see; tried to fight against a system that is incredibly flawed, and lost, for people who are not me; stood up for people when I see them beaten down; threaten people with the law, even though I hated doing that, because they were doing all the wrong “things” and saw SOME changes; then I found a new job because I “knew someone who knew someone who knew someone”, which was a very odd and awkward feeling; was told 10 times over I am good at the work I was doing; I got a job for 3 days and then walked out on it for better pay *hurl* never doing that again…
- I have read more books, watched more movies, danced more, socialised more, saw more concerts, played more games (but in moderate “packages”), researched more in the last year than I have ever done in the last 5 years. So, if you ever wonder why I am so socially awkward whenever you hung out with me in the last year, well, you have your answer here - I honestly don’t know how to socialise properly anymore I think. of course, I will still be uber protective *ahem* when necessary.
- made some friends, lost some friends (and one on purpose), maintained some and annoyed some.
- gained so much weight yet I have never been happier or more satisfied. Oh, I have my days, but those are definitely an insignificant amount
- kept my cool under circumstances that I later on rave about. It’s really odd.
So.. 29… one more year to 30. I don’t think I am like to behave much differently though. bloody hell, seeing it typed up sure looks weird!
Originally published at Closed Doors