sick days (warning: long, self-pitying rant!)
It's the last week here and on Saturday I fly home finally.
I've enjoyed my placement and learned heaps and done a lot of work, which is good, except that for whatever combination of reasons I've been sickly on this placement.
Week 1 was spent in that retreat centre and seems a lifetime ago now. Week 2 I moved here to a large, modern comfortable house to a lovely room with an ensuite bathroom (which came in handy this morning when I was having a migraine and was nauseated and had to run to the toilet). End of week 2 L came up and we spent a lovely weekend together but that was the start of my run of illness. That Sunday he left I woke up with a sore, sore throat. Over Week 3 that developed into a dry cough, then a phlegmy one. Throw in a few headaches and 2 migraines over the course of those 3 weeks because I did not know there was a trigger here that I hadn't had in Dunedin - long hot car rides. That was non-existent in Dunedin and I didn't know to monitor that as a trigger for my migraines, so fell victim twice before I wisened up and planned what to wear on days I knew I would have home visits or kindy visits.
Last week was week 4 and that was the worst. Monday to Wed I was still nursing the last of my cough (which normally lasts a while beyond the end of the flu anyway) which I thought was winding down. I was feeling okay and despite some fatigue during the week prior I hadn't had to take any time off work for the flu. Maybe I wasn't really at the end or maybe my immunity was still down and maybe kid germs are really as powerful as I believe, but Wed I woke up with another sore throat again. Funny, I thought. Didn't think much about it until 3am Wed night/Thurs morning. Woke up shivering and trembling, feeling hot and cold at once, with a fever. Hadn't had a fever since I was a child! Had all kinds of scary thoughts of what kind of infection I could be having (as a child I was fortunate enough to be ignorant about consequence, just worry about feeling sick) - meningitis, I could die in bed, or remembering what I was told as a child, having too high a temperature can "cook" your brain and cause brain damage etc. Had a hard time trying to sleep because I was trembling violently and constantly the wrong temperature, both freezing and frying at once. Didn't have any panadol with me and feared that the house wouldn't have any either but decided not to raise any alarms, just wait it out and ask someone in the morning. 7am I got up to look in the kitchen where I'd seen some medication before but there was no panadol. Had to wait for someone to come. Way past the normal time people are up and about still no one, but the cat came and harassed me and gave me a ?playful bite and I was SO upset. Went back to hide in my room until the youngest daughter came out on her way to school. She got me some panadol which I gratefully took and tried to get back to sleep. Fitful, but I managed and the fever broke thankfully.
Spent the Thursday trying my best to rest but I was afraid if I slept too much I would ruin my sleep that night and therefore my Friday (thought I'd go back to work on Fri). Missed my supervision session so that worried me too. Thursday night unexpectedly there was a repeat and I got the fever, chills and shaking again. Had to struggle out of bed (because I was aching but also because I felt freezing though I know objectively the room wasn't that cold) to put on long pants and long sleeves and wool socks. Couldn't remember if the advice from childhood was to cover up or uncover with a fever. Took more panadol and tried to get back to sleep but the trembling made it hard. Every position was uncomfortable and I felt miserable and very alone. L had said to ring him if I needed him, he'd put the phone next to the bed but I didn't want to wake him because of his difficulty with sleep. Thought of sponging myself but didn't have a small towel or a basin and didn't feel up to putting my freezing hands into cold water to sponge my hot neck. Finally did fall asleep and in the morning the fever had broken.
Friday went to see a doctor and got given 10 days worth of antibiotics (he reckoned a bacterial infection rather than common flu) and reflected how long I've come from the days of "no pills shall enter this throat". These were huge ass capsules! No fever or chills Friday night and I thought, ok home free. I would rest and relax on the weekend and be 100% on Monday for my last week. Yesterday I was tired and short on stamina but only a bit of a headache, which I thought might be due to the coughing, or due to overmedicating on panadol (I'd had those before) so I left it, since it wasn't a migraine. Did take some codeine before bed to try and deal with it though.
Woke up today, still headache. Moments later I felt a wave of nausea wash over me and I knew it was a migraine. Quickly took my maxalt (which thank God L brought up for me) and something for the nausea and tried to sleep it off but every sensory input was magnified tremendously. Every car passing was a thunderous roar and every door slamming an explosion in my head. I could even smell acutely the bathroom (which is clean!) and garlic on my fingers from last night (which I've washed numerous times since). That's how magnified my senses become during a migraine. Of course that all doesn't help me sleep, neither did the nausea. Once I had to run to the bathroom (thank God I wasn't still in that retreat centre where the nearest toilet is down a corridor, up the stairs and no guarantees it'll be free, or clean) and I was very aware of a strange taste in my mouth, an achey feeling in my throat and churning in my stomach as my body prepared to be sick. But after hovering over the toilet for a while (thinking I'm getting so good at this, even remembered to tie my hair back and find a stable crouching position) thankfully the wave passed.
Must have drifted off finally and woke way past midday feeling tired, aching, dry mouth and very miserable and sorry for myself. The house was quiet - the family had all gone out to their meeting.
Much as this house is comfortable and the family lovely and kind, it's not home and I'm so over this. Over the sickness, the worry, being sick at night alone, the sick days crawling by each minute another minute to endure.
I just want to be okay enough to endure one more week at a low level (hopefully I've already proved my competence and diligence in the first 3.5 weeks) and go home.
I've enjoyed my placement and learned heaps and done a lot of work, which is good, except that for whatever combination of reasons I've been sickly on this placement.
Week 1 was spent in that retreat centre and seems a lifetime ago now. Week 2 I moved here to a large, modern comfortable house to a lovely room with an ensuite bathroom (which came in handy this morning when I was having a migraine and was nauseated and had to run to the toilet). End of week 2 L came up and we spent a lovely weekend together but that was the start of my run of illness. That Sunday he left I woke up with a sore, sore throat. Over Week 3 that developed into a dry cough, then a phlegmy one. Throw in a few headaches and 2 migraines over the course of those 3 weeks because I did not know there was a trigger here that I hadn't had in Dunedin - long hot car rides. That was non-existent in Dunedin and I didn't know to monitor that as a trigger for my migraines, so fell victim twice before I wisened up and planned what to wear on days I knew I would have home visits or kindy visits.
Last week was week 4 and that was the worst. Monday to Wed I was still nursing the last of my cough (which normally lasts a while beyond the end of the flu anyway) which I thought was winding down. I was feeling okay and despite some fatigue during the week prior I hadn't had to take any time off work for the flu. Maybe I wasn't really at the end or maybe my immunity was still down and maybe kid germs are really as powerful as I believe, but Wed I woke up with another sore throat again. Funny, I thought. Didn't think much about it until 3am Wed night/Thurs morning. Woke up shivering and trembling, feeling hot and cold at once, with a fever. Hadn't had a fever since I was a child! Had all kinds of scary thoughts of what kind of infection I could be having (as a child I was fortunate enough to be ignorant about consequence, just worry about feeling sick) - meningitis, I could die in bed, or remembering what I was told as a child, having too high a temperature can "cook" your brain and cause brain damage etc. Had a hard time trying to sleep because I was trembling violently and constantly the wrong temperature, both freezing and frying at once. Didn't have any panadol with me and feared that the house wouldn't have any either but decided not to raise any alarms, just wait it out and ask someone in the morning. 7am I got up to look in the kitchen where I'd seen some medication before but there was no panadol. Had to wait for someone to come. Way past the normal time people are up and about still no one, but the cat came and harassed me and gave me a ?playful bite and I was SO upset. Went back to hide in my room until the youngest daughter came out on her way to school. She got me some panadol which I gratefully took and tried to get back to sleep. Fitful, but I managed and the fever broke thankfully.
Spent the Thursday trying my best to rest but I was afraid if I slept too much I would ruin my sleep that night and therefore my Friday (thought I'd go back to work on Fri). Missed my supervision session so that worried me too. Thursday night unexpectedly there was a repeat and I got the fever, chills and shaking again. Had to struggle out of bed (because I was aching but also because I felt freezing though I know objectively the room wasn't that cold) to put on long pants and long sleeves and wool socks. Couldn't remember if the advice from childhood was to cover up or uncover with a fever. Took more panadol and tried to get back to sleep but the trembling made it hard. Every position was uncomfortable and I felt miserable and very alone. L had said to ring him if I needed him, he'd put the phone next to the bed but I didn't want to wake him because of his difficulty with sleep. Thought of sponging myself but didn't have a small towel or a basin and didn't feel up to putting my freezing hands into cold water to sponge my hot neck. Finally did fall asleep and in the morning the fever had broken.
Friday went to see a doctor and got given 10 days worth of antibiotics (he reckoned a bacterial infection rather than common flu) and reflected how long I've come from the days of "no pills shall enter this throat". These were huge ass capsules! No fever or chills Friday night and I thought, ok home free. I would rest and relax on the weekend and be 100% on Monday for my last week. Yesterday I was tired and short on stamina but only a bit of a headache, which I thought might be due to the coughing, or due to overmedicating on panadol (I'd had those before) so I left it, since it wasn't a migraine. Did take some codeine before bed to try and deal with it though.
Woke up today, still headache. Moments later I felt a wave of nausea wash over me and I knew it was a migraine. Quickly took my maxalt (which thank God L brought up for me) and something for the nausea and tried to sleep it off but every sensory input was magnified tremendously. Every car passing was a thunderous roar and every door slamming an explosion in my head. I could even smell acutely the bathroom (which is clean!) and garlic on my fingers from last night (which I've washed numerous times since). That's how magnified my senses become during a migraine. Of course that all doesn't help me sleep, neither did the nausea. Once I had to run to the bathroom (thank God I wasn't still in that retreat centre where the nearest toilet is down a corridor, up the stairs and no guarantees it'll be free, or clean) and I was very aware of a strange taste in my mouth, an achey feeling in my throat and churning in my stomach as my body prepared to be sick. But after hovering over the toilet for a while (thinking I'm getting so good at this, even remembered to tie my hair back and find a stable crouching position) thankfully the wave passed.
Must have drifted off finally and woke way past midday feeling tired, aching, dry mouth and very miserable and sorry for myself. The house was quiet - the family had all gone out to their meeting.
Much as this house is comfortable and the family lovely and kind, it's not home and I'm so over this. Over the sickness, the worry, being sick at night alone, the sick days crawling by each minute another minute to endure.
I just want to be okay enough to endure one more week at a low level (hopefully I've already proved my competence and diligence in the first 3.5 weeks) and go home.