End of week 2
This week I only spent 2 days at my own placement and only 1 with my supervisor. I spent one day at the acute psychiatric ward in town and another at the adolescent acute mental health unit out at Kenepuru.
Both days were very depressing for me.
The first, was depressing because after being away from acute wards and coming back to it I was struck by how it really was the same, whether it was physical or mental health, whether it was Auckland or Wellington, small or big hospital, whether the staff wore uniforms and name badges or casual clothes (and keys around their necks), it was still the same old thing - institutionalisation.
Lack of respect for patients, gossiping about them, not listening, not giving them your full attention, walking away before they can respond to a (closed, rhetorical) question you ask, judging patients by things that really are a matter of personal choice and not a matter of mental health.
At lunchtime I wanted to go home, or back to my own placement, because I was so depressed.
The second day, I was depressed because after hanging out with the kids for a day and playing games, singing songs, eating together, doing stuff together, you realise that is what they really are - just kids. And it's so depressing that they aren't out there doing what other kids their age do. They can't, maybe. They even have to get permission and find someone with a key to get outside into the sun in the courtyard. Like the other acute ward, all the doors are locked! And then of course one particular girl was very depressing because she was catatonic and people who may or may not understand what that is all about were forcing her to do all kinds of things, walking, moving, eating.
My question in mental health is: If a person has the right to refuse treatment for cancer or asthma or whatever, how come a person doesn't have the right to refuse treatment for mental health symptoms? Because they will harm others? Okay fine, they get put under the compulsory treatment order. Because they will harm themselves? Well who made you their mother? A person here has the right to kill themself. Suicide is legal. Treatment can be refused, so why can't food?
There may be times when I am tempted to force a person to do something "for their own good" but I hope I don't get sucked into it. Who made me boss of them or knowing what is best for them? Who says healthcare staff are experts? I reckon rather that the nature of the job attracts power hungry people, who don't really care, and only want to make decisions for people. Not all, but quite a few. To these people I say, go get a life! And make decisions for yourself, spend more time on that, you might benefit from that. Probably their own lives aren't even well thought out. If I ever want to do something "for your own good" may it not be because I treat you as a friend - that's another line not to be crossed. Get things straight. You're a worker, not a mother, not a boss, not an expert and certainly not a friend.
Today I was blue. I think the DP is wearing off and my period is coming. Uncharacteristically, I had carrot cake with icing for dinner and a glass and a half of a lovely Central Otago Pinor Noir and some of yesterday's leftovers when I got back here. Interestingly I had made a beef stew and brown rice, when I was packaging the leftovers I put the rice into the stew to save containers. And today it's become a risotto, lovely! Brown rice doesn't disintegrate as easily as white so still a lovely texture. Also got bought a nice fat book from Borders when I was in town, for downtime, and found of all things, a KnitWorld shop off Cuba St amidst all these quirky shops! Contemplating what combination of merino, cashmere, cotton, silk, possum, alpaca I want for my cardigan at the mo. Won't be able to start until at least I get back to Dunedin.
To bed early then. That would be best for me. And no one can decide that for me, but me. (And God, but He's the ultimate boss so no worries there).
Both days were very depressing for me.
The first, was depressing because after being away from acute wards and coming back to it I was struck by how it really was the same, whether it was physical or mental health, whether it was Auckland or Wellington, small or big hospital, whether the staff wore uniforms and name badges or casual clothes (and keys around their necks), it was still the same old thing - institutionalisation.
Lack of respect for patients, gossiping about them, not listening, not giving them your full attention, walking away before they can respond to a (closed, rhetorical) question you ask, judging patients by things that really are a matter of personal choice and not a matter of mental health.
At lunchtime I wanted to go home, or back to my own placement, because I was so depressed.
The second day, I was depressed because after hanging out with the kids for a day and playing games, singing songs, eating together, doing stuff together, you realise that is what they really are - just kids. And it's so depressing that they aren't out there doing what other kids their age do. They can't, maybe. They even have to get permission and find someone with a key to get outside into the sun in the courtyard. Like the other acute ward, all the doors are locked! And then of course one particular girl was very depressing because she was catatonic and people who may or may not understand what that is all about were forcing her to do all kinds of things, walking, moving, eating.
My question in mental health is: If a person has the right to refuse treatment for cancer or asthma or whatever, how come a person doesn't have the right to refuse treatment for mental health symptoms? Because they will harm others? Okay fine, they get put under the compulsory treatment order. Because they will harm themselves? Well who made you their mother? A person here has the right to kill themself. Suicide is legal. Treatment can be refused, so why can't food?
There may be times when I am tempted to force a person to do something "for their own good" but I hope I don't get sucked into it. Who made me boss of them or knowing what is best for them? Who says healthcare staff are experts? I reckon rather that the nature of the job attracts power hungry people, who don't really care, and only want to make decisions for people. Not all, but quite a few. To these people I say, go get a life! And make decisions for yourself, spend more time on that, you might benefit from that. Probably their own lives aren't even well thought out. If I ever want to do something "for your own good" may it not be because I treat you as a friend - that's another line not to be crossed. Get things straight. You're a worker, not a mother, not a boss, not an expert and certainly not a friend.
Today I was blue. I think the DP is wearing off and my period is coming. Uncharacteristically, I had carrot cake with icing for dinner and a glass and a half of a lovely Central Otago Pinor Noir and some of yesterday's leftovers when I got back here. Interestingly I had made a beef stew and brown rice, when I was packaging the leftovers I put the rice into the stew to save containers. And today it's become a risotto, lovely! Brown rice doesn't disintegrate as easily as white so still a lovely texture. Also got bought a nice fat book from Borders when I was in town, for downtime, and found of all things, a KnitWorld shop off Cuba St amidst all these quirky shops! Contemplating what combination of merino, cashmere, cotton, silk, possum, alpaca I want for my cardigan at the mo. Won't be able to start until at least I get back to Dunedin.
To bed early then. That would be best for me. And no one can decide that for me, but me. (And God, but He's the ultimate boss so no worries there).