Brief update...in case you were wondering
My computer is completely fucked up again. I hate technology.
School is almost over...I am so relieved. I am nervous about goin' to Ohio though. I'm kind of sick of being away from home so much. I wish I had more time to spend with my family before I go away for the summer...and then away AGAIN for the fall...it's a never-ending cycle. When do I get to watch my nieces and nephews grow? They change so much every time I leave...I'm missing life happen.
Ok, so I'm not over him yet. As much as I want to just be done with this, I can't be. I'm tired of hurting though, tired of feeling incomplete without him. Knowing he doesn't love me is the most complete sense of rejection I've ever felt before. As mad at him as I am, as much as I want to hate him, I still love him. That does me no good however, because as his bitch ass friend reminded me the other day, I'll never get him back. That chapter in my life is closed, so why doesn't it feel over? I'm sincerely hoping that being away from here, away from him, this summer will make it easier. Sometimes I feel fine but other times I ache from missing him so much. No matter how many pillows or teddy bears are on the bed, it's still empty without him...no matter how tight I curl in on myself I don't feel held. I feel broken without him and it's not really getting any better. I gave him my heart, gave him everything that I am...he gave it back. Is there any way to recover from that? I'm never alone but always lonely. If I'd known in the beginning I would be hurt like this, I wouldn't have done it. I wish I were still invisible...I wish he'd never seen me.
School is almost over...I am so relieved. I am nervous about goin' to Ohio though. I'm kind of sick of being away from home so much. I wish I had more time to spend with my family before I go away for the summer...and then away AGAIN for the fall...it's a never-ending cycle. When do I get to watch my nieces and nephews grow? They change so much every time I leave...I'm missing life happen.
Ok, so I'm not over him yet. As much as I want to just be done with this, I can't be. I'm tired of hurting though, tired of feeling incomplete without him. Knowing he doesn't love me is the most complete sense of rejection I've ever felt before. As mad at him as I am, as much as I want to hate him, I still love him. That does me no good however, because as his bitch ass friend reminded me the other day, I'll never get him back. That chapter in my life is closed, so why doesn't it feel over? I'm sincerely hoping that being away from here, away from him, this summer will make it easier. Sometimes I feel fine but other times I ache from missing him so much. No matter how many pillows or teddy bears are on the bed, it's still empty without him...no matter how tight I curl in on myself I don't feel held. I feel broken without him and it's not really getting any better. I gave him my heart, gave him everything that I am...he gave it back. Is there any way to recover from that? I'm never alone but always lonely. If I'd known in the beginning I would be hurt like this, I wouldn't have done it. I wish I were still invisible...I wish he'd never seen me.