I'm in love without someone.
I woke up next to a girl this morning - I was intending to wake up next to her boyfriend but that's alright. We spoke of the year just past. It's easily been one of the best years of my life. I'm about to turn three. Last night Jeremy started inviting people to my birthday party and I realized I'm actually going to have one. Have I ever had a party thrown for me? ..no.
I am going to vow to purify this year. A year without McDonald's and white sugar. A year without drugs of any form. A year of regular meditation and exercise. A year without shameless expense. A year without the evils that are killing me. I have this amazing talent of having fun without any form of entertainment so I am going to try and use it.
I'll last two days, I'm sure. (and that'll only be because I'm too hung over to do anything. ha ha.)
There are so many boys in my life lately. None of them are really that interesting. I still miss him, fuck! How many years will it be before I stop picturing him holding me while I fall asleep. The boys are a welcomed distraction, though. I like going for coffee and lunch and walks with people I feel no obligation to sleep with. And if I do sleep with them all I deal with are cuddles and the shy cute closeness that fades so fast when more aggressive action sets in. Hm. I also enjoy the gay boys for that reason. The ones I can kiss and growl at and have faith in the friendship that doesn't bat a fake eyelash.
What brought all this up is strange. What brought all this up is someone I dated only on paper, someone who I share or have ever shared zero emotional connection to. Well, perhaps a little from my side but not enough to justify the strange tickle I feel when I gaze over pictures of him and his new girlfriend. It's disconnection and pity. For them both. I don't know her, but I know him enough to know they're in a soup of bad news. I guess that's my biased opinion, for some The Life is perhaps getting shittered as often as possible and stretching the fabrics to the absolute extent. I am so happy I am away from him. I can so easily cut ties at this point and have no repercussions.
I'll never cut ties, though. I always have ways of accessing my history. I have bridges but Prometheus has left me without the fire in which to burn them.
And that suites me fine.
I am going to vow to purify this year. A year without McDonald's and white sugar. A year without drugs of any form. A year of regular meditation and exercise. A year without shameless expense. A year without the evils that are killing me. I have this amazing talent of having fun without any form of entertainment so I am going to try and use it.
I'll last two days, I'm sure. (and that'll only be because I'm too hung over to do anything. ha ha.)
There are so many boys in my life lately. None of them are really that interesting. I still miss him, fuck! How many years will it be before I stop picturing him holding me while I fall asleep. The boys are a welcomed distraction, though. I like going for coffee and lunch and walks with people I feel no obligation to sleep with. And if I do sleep with them all I deal with are cuddles and the shy cute closeness that fades so fast when more aggressive action sets in. Hm. I also enjoy the gay boys for that reason. The ones I can kiss and growl at and have faith in the friendship that doesn't bat a fake eyelash.
What brought all this up is strange. What brought all this up is someone I dated only on paper, someone who I share or have ever shared zero emotional connection to. Well, perhaps a little from my side but not enough to justify the strange tickle I feel when I gaze over pictures of him and his new girlfriend. It's disconnection and pity. For them both. I don't know her, but I know him enough to know they're in a soup of bad news. I guess that's my biased opinion, for some The Life is perhaps getting shittered as often as possible and stretching the fabrics to the absolute extent. I am so happy I am away from him. I can so easily cut ties at this point and have no repercussions.
I'll never cut ties, though. I always have ways of accessing my history. I have bridges but Prometheus has left me without the fire in which to burn them.
And that suites me fine.